Step By Step

THE KRAZI KIDS GROW UP PART I - SHIRLEY

2012-01-31T08:25:00.000-08:00

A while back I Posted a series called KRAZI KIDS. I am going to move on from that and show you briefly what came next.

In Krazi Kids l - Shirley, she was in matric and planning to become a nurse. That did not happen but life has this strange way of not letting us decide our own fates, you will see now how her plans followed a very different path! Take a look.

We have jumped forward 4 years since Shirley left school. During that time she worked as a Personal Assistant to a businessman in Johannesburg. It earned her a good living, but her heart was not in it, so she attended Legatts Academy of Design with a view to becoming a clothing designer.

With that under her belt, she wanted to raise some cash for herself while deciding in which direction to take her design carreer, so worked in the food industry as a waitress at night where she not only saved some money, but fell in love with her boss, who was the manager of the restaurant she worked in. They spent 1 year together overseas, travelling through Scotland, England, and Canada. They arrived home and announced their engagement and were married not long afterwards.

They were married in a little chapel in the Drakensburg Mountains which was beautiful.

After the ceremony the pictures were taken outside with the view of the Magalisburg Mountains surrounding us. Here she is with her new husband and ex boss! (He became a Manager to a well known 5 star hotel in Durban. And many other hotels over the following 13 years.)

Months went by, and what do you know, look closely, a baby! This picture was taken In Durban at Mitchell's Park.

Now wasn't she worth the wait!! Enter Victoria-Leigh Gail Vels. Who is at present 13 years old, but she still needs to get there!

As time went by, when Vicky now 22 months old, she was listening for her baby sister's heart beat. She loved the coming baby until the baby was getting around, and then tried to shove her into the rose bushes whilst her new sister was in her walking ring. That would be the start of sibling rivalry?

However, we need to get to that point, so enter Jessica-Laine Vels.

There were to be only 2 children for this little family.

Growing up with them has been an adventure. They have travelled but lived in Cape Town for many years. The picture above is one of my favourite, and was taken during their time in Cape Town.

Arn't they gorgeous? Can you believe that two sisters can be so unlike one another. Victoria-Leigh on the left takes, after her fathers side of the family and is dark, while Jessica-Laine takes after her mother.

Today they are living in England, and this picture was taken in December with the first snow man they made, clever girls!

Shirley home schools them which I think is a very brave venture, but they are all doing very well.

A very successful ending to KRAZI KIDS1 don't you think!?

GOODBYE TO AN OLD FRIEND

2012-01-20T10:23:00.000-08:00

Almost three weeks ago we lost another member of our pet family. This was a tough one and the little chap in the picture, Crunchie, had been with me for a little more than 20 years.

I have written a couple of posts which include him, the first was "He links my worlds" because I bought him for R20 from a friend of mine's son, for my 6 year old son, and Crunchie stayed long after my son left home and came with me into the second chapter of my life.

He lived indoors as the ants wouldn't leave him alone outside. We never got around to making an enclosure for him, and he was so small that he just mingled with the cats and dogs. He learned over the years what the fridge was for and that it kept FOOD.

When I used to watch him walk across the room, in the dark and almost forgotten recesses of my mind, I almost thought I could hear little children laughing, picking him up, feeding him and playing with him. The children then left home, but as tortoises live to a very ripe old age, he certainly outlived their childhoods and Crunchie stayed on to live with us.

He was a well seasoned traveller as he came with us everywhere. He even had a travel bag. He was a wonderfully low maintenance pet to have as he ate and drank about 3 times a week and hibernated for 6 months of every year.

When he came out of hibernation I wrote and posted a post which centred around Widget the parrot and his craziness and Crunchie crashing out of the cupboard in November after his winter hibernation.

He loved the sun. We often found him lying stretched out, head on its side, eyes closed as he soaked up the sun. The very first time I came across this I though he was dead and picked him up so fast he shot back into his shell!

His death was a painful accident. I tried to save him but failed. We have buried him along side Bokkie, out Ring Necked Parakeet who died last year.

It is is hard losing pets, they give us much joy, and I always saw to it that I gave them the best life that I could whilst they were with us. So I will miss you my little friend, we were together for many years. You have taken memories to your grave, memories of a very small, smart little tortoise, and the joy he brought to 4 young children.

Where ever you are, I hope there is an abundance of carrots and tomatoes, finely chopped of course!

There are many things in life that we just cannot change and have to accept. Loss is one of them.

Arn't you glad that whatever the loss, we have a memory that can keep things very much alive for us.

POLITICAL THRILLERS

2011-12-19T12:31:00.000-08:00

We all remember the much loved nursery rhymes of our childhood. They were passed down from generation to generation.
My own children loved them and knew them off by heart, I had to read at least 1 or 2 to them each night.

I was saddened the other day when I was having a conversation with as 2 year old, and recited some rhymes by way of entertainment. I was given a strange look and asked him if he knew them. "No. What are those," asked my intellectual companion in astonishment. When I had collected my scattered thoughts, I said "You know who Jack and Jill are, don't you?" he gazed at me as though I were speaking another language, then replied "Can't I listen to my Blackeyed Peas cd?" I asked him if he wanted to go that route, could't we rather listen to Cliff Richard, at least I understand THAT.

Someone asked me once why nursery rhymes were so violent, ogres, witches often having endings rooted in bloodshed.

Soooo.....I went on a digging and delving spree and came up with this....

I found an article on the origins of nursery rhymes. They were not intended to ever be rhymes for children.

Researchers found that composers were forced to disguise their commentary on current affairs in the form of childrens' rhymes - or risk a nasty death.

Many are directly related to British Politics of the time, and some were cunningly invented to spread gossip about royalty, and many nursery rhymes are blatant reference to violence, war and politics in Europe. Blackeyed Peas don't sound so bad now!

JACK AND JILL

The clumsy Jack referred to is France's King Louis XVI, who was beheaded in 1793. "Jack fell down and broke his crown" ..... His wife, Queen Marie Antoinette, met the same unfortunate fate... and Jill came tumbling after. The rhymes ending was made a little more child friendly by concluding that Jack didn't actually die, but mended his head with vinegar and brown paper.

MARY, MARY QUITE CONTRARY

Most rhymes about Mary refer to the English Queen Mary Tudor, nick named "Bloody Mary", who was the daughter of Henry VIII, a catholic who flushed out protestants in England.

Mary's garden was apparently an illusion to graveyards full of protestants who met untimely deaths because of their religious beliefs. The silver bells and cockle shells growing in her garden were subtle colloquialisms of torture, while "maids" were supposed machines that beheaded people in a similar fashion to the guillotine.

THREE BLIND MICE

The "Heroine" of this simple verse is once again Mary Tudor who allegedly had three noblemen (the mice) burnt at the stake for plotting against her. The reference to the "farmers wife" alludes to the vast estates owned by Mary and her husband, King Phillip of Spain. Scholars, however, are stumped as to why the violent words suggest that Mary cut off their tails with a carving knife.

Probably the worst fairy tale I can think off is Hansel and Grettel.

Imagine having parents who purposely lost you in the woods because food was scarce at home, not enough for the kids, you then found yourself at the mercy of an evil witch whose culinary tastes favoured little children.

YESTERYEAR'S GIFTS STILL TREASURED TODAY

2011-12-03T11:09:00.000-08:00

We all have favourite things, they are not expensive or rare in the grand scheme of things, but have meaning to us, are priceless and irreplaceable.

When I decided to write this post, I had no idea how hard it was going to be to decide. My kist is full of pre-school drawings, handmade gift from small children, first grade one books etc. But we all have those and many more, like first baby clothes, dresses, shoes etc.

I started to put things into categories. What a long tiresome process it was, I almost gave up at one stage. But then it started to become easier (after about a week of rummaging).

At the top of the page are my treasurers.

The jewellery box (really) was given to me by my parents for my 16th birthday. As if it were yesterday I see us in the dinning room, there was a a bowl of flowers on the table. I opened up my first jewellery box. It was bright pink, had satin lining and was delightful. Today it is 3 parts, the lid has fallen off, that is it under the left side of the box, and one side in kept inside the box, not longer attached to anything! I have used it all these years to keep important papers in, birth certificates, immigration papers, and all the documents I have needed to keep safe. I normally keep it together with a strong elastic band! But part with it? NEVER!!

Pictured in front of the box is a gold broach. It was given to me by my paternal grandparents for my 21st birthday. It used to have a cultured pearl in the centre. It lives in the box, along with my 3rd treasure. It is card that came with a bunch of flowers sent to me by my husband when our first daughter was born. On it is written "My Darlings. To Gail and Shirley the two wonderful women in my life. congratulations both of you, xxxxxxxxxxDadxxxxxxxxxx.

The writing is not easy to read, but get out a magnifying glass Shirl and you will see it!!

These items will be "junk" to whoever cleans up after me once I have shuffled off this earth, but I would have treasured them during the course of my life. There is no price tag to these 3 treasures. When I come across them as I often do, The years fall away, and I smile as I remember......

EXASPERATING FRIENDS OF THE BEST KIND

2011-10-21T11:20:00.000-07:00

It was in the middle of the night, and I was woken by what sounded, in the middle of the night anyway, like an air raid.

I got out of bed to investigate, and discovered that the thunderous sound came from a cupboard in my kitchenette. I very tentatively opened the door, and the mystery was solved.

It is the cupboard that Crunchie my tortoise hibernates in. For those who are acquainted with him will know that I go through this every October. Here's why.

I tend to forget of is existence when he hibernates as he vanishes into the cupboard for 6 months of every year, until the BIG SLEEP ends.

This is what greeted me when I opened that cupboard door. He must have been trying to break out and when I opened the door he rolled out, enter Crunchie for the summer! He landed on his back as you see.

FOOD AND WATER. That was his first quest once I had righted him. He wasn't waiting til morning! So he is back into the swing of summer and consciousness since May, stalking me for food and water as he always did. He still remembered where the fridge is and what is in it, where the front door is so it would appear that his memory is in top form.....

Ah yes, and lets not forget the clown of the family. He hates me with a vengeance at present because 2 weeks ago I clipped his nails, they were hooking on everything. He has the blood of an elephant running through his veins and forgets nothing for a very long time. I go near him and he backs away as though I were a serial bird murderer. My husband has to put him to bed each night in the cage he sleeps in. That used to me my job, but when Widget sees (I think he has eyes in the back of his head too) me coming, he runs under the bed as if his life depended on it and simply waits me out. If my husband is not available to do the honours, it is an exhausting game of cat and mouse which positively frays my nerves whilst operating on a very short wick.

I did take advantage of the situation though, so clipped his wings while he still hates me. I can't do more damage now can I?

Above he is hanging from one leg on one of the 3 rods that keep his tray in place. He climbs up and down the legs and being the acrobat he is......

No, the picture is not upside down, his head is facing the floor and he is hanging onto the rod with both legs now. Showoff.

Who knows what goes on in his little stubborn feathered head, or what goes on in Crunchie's pre-historic head, one thing is certain, they are as bright as little buttons and I would say there is a LOT going on inside there!

FORGOTTEN DURBAN

2011-09-26T12:29:00.000-07:00

Since a recent post in which I remembered the rickshaws of my childhood, little did I know that I was to come to learn far more about the history of the rickshaw and of Durban itself.

The years from 1910 to 1933. A Durban most of us never knew. A small town with houses and gardens, no high rises or streets inundated with traffic, road rage unheard of, a pace of life we cannot imagine.

In the year 1904 there were approximately 2 000 registered pullers. At first they were the Japanese type holding only one passenger and having a wooden wheel.

All Durban's steep roads had notices at the top stating "DANGEROUS TO RICKSHAWS". The signs were all red with white lettering so the illiterate knew what it meant.
Residents needing transport would lift up an arm and yell "Shaw" and would attract the attention of all within hearing distance who would rush to his assistance. Pretty much the same thing happens today, we raise our arm and yell "Taxi" and are flattened by at least 6 taxis who have this rather aggressive little man who jumps off before the taxi stops, in an attempt to collect as many passengers as he can before anyone else gets to you. He often goes so far as to wrestle you away from other bizarre little men in their own attempts to abduct you. Quite traumatic when one has cornered you and actually drags you by the arm. If you want to reduce your chances of this happening, never, never look for a taxi near the Workshop.

On the up side, I only have to walk out of my door and my taxi awaits to take me to where I want to go, and returns me to my front door.

Take a look at Smith Street. Don't even have to look both ways here, no danger of being knocked down. No more Smith Street of course, or West, Aliwal, Pine and others. Overnight some genius changed all the names and now the only people who know them are tourists who come to Africa armed with their "know how" books on the geography of Africa.

Here we have Addington Hospital. In this picture it looks like a country estate. Today's reality of course is quite different. Queues fill the corridors, and NEVER get in the wrong queue, because after 3 hour in the wrong queue you will have to start again in another queue ... for another 3 hours. The staff still don't recognise patients who have been going monthly for 15 years or more, they change the system every 2 months and lose your file every month, which is probably why they fail to recognise faithful, longstanding patients.

Above is Florida Road and Musgrave Road. Florida Road is host to enormous New Years Eve parties every year. See the old bus which ran on tram lines

Albert Park and Berea Road have the rickshaws with their pullers waiting for passengers.

Unbelievable? Believe it!

Thank you for strolling back through time with me to a Durban forgotten, a Durban remembered by few.

I would love to spend just one day with them.

RICKSHAWS AND CYPERSPACE

2011-09-07T12:52:00.000-07:00

Growing up I was privileged to experience yearly holidays from Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) to Durban. It was a three day journey by car.

Bearing in mind that this was a pre-technology era, no TV and certainly no cell phones or computers, we derived our entertainment by using our imaginations and worked with what we had. I had two great parents and two sisters who were much younger than I was and who were no fun to

be around whilst we were growing up, but who are great to be with now!

My dad was in the Air Force and we lived in Thornhill which was the married quarters.

To get to Durban we would travel to Beit Bridge, which is the border between Zimbabwe and South Africa. As we crossed the bridge going over the Limpopo River joining the two countries, the border is marked by a change of tar colour half way across, and it was with much excitement that we crossed this line and shrieked with joy as we debated who was first over the border. It would obviously be the ones sitting in the front!

Lovely, isn't it?

Our first stop was Pretoria where we would stay with my grandparents. We would spend Christmas with Uncles, Aunts and cousins. Us children would fill the lounge and dining room with mattresses, catching up with the cousins was huge fun.

Then onto Durban to more grandparents. They lived in Gilletts, just outside Durban. We would set out for the beach each day. Traveling down Fields Hill towards the city, we would catch glimpses of the sea, and of course, we also had competitions as to who would see the sea first!

My favourite, the RICKSHAW RIDES!! In those days they were everywhere and very glamorous with their enormous head dresses which were so colourful and spectacular adorned with beautiful beadwork, horns and whistles, together with the traditional Zulu atire, they would leap into the air and I would have ridden in them all day.... and in my child's mind there seemed to be hundreds of them lining Durban's Beach Front.

This means of transport was brought to South Africa in the late 19th century by sugar magnate Sir Marshall Campbell and was imported from Japan. These Zulu men were very proud to be the owner of a Rickshaw.

Today our children have very different forms of entertainment, cell phones that do everything except eat, computers which are a wonderful playground for everyone, including myself! It its own way, gives us as much fun and entertainment as the Rickshaws of my childhood.

How full my life has been, I have experienced the best of both worlds, and wouldn't have it any other way.

THOSE DREADFUL SHAWARM A'S!!!!!!!!!

2011-08-06T13:21:00.000-07:00

It is an age since I blogged, or even visited my blog, or visited anyone else's for that matter. The reason? I have a full time job and there are literally not enough hours in the day.

I miss it greatly, but I MADE IT TODAY.

I manage a Shawarma shop. Shawarma's to take away or customers can sit at a counter where they attempt to eat them before they fall out of the wrapping, as it is an art you see, the wrapping of it and the eating of it. Quite a skill, very messy skill.

I soon learned that I had to educate myself a bit re the dreaded shawarma. Soon after starting, I was asked where they came from. I stared blankly at the customer and tried desperately to search my mind for an intelligent answer. Alas, none came to mind and the customer went off thinking they came from Italy. That night I googled Shawarma...

ARABIA!!

Now I know and so do all of you.

Having had that experience I went about educating myself on the other foodstuffs and drinks we sell. I noticed the colours of the Vitamin drinks was significant, for example : c's and b's (vitamins of course) was murky white, D+quarana was yellow, and A-zinc was white etc, so to avoid telling some analyst coming in and asking what they are all for, I will have a more intelligent answer to give them than "dunno but its good for you".

It would of couse be easier if they just bought coke, the whole world knows what a coke is, or a Coke Zero, Sprite Zero and other Zero's. They are for diabetics which I know as I am married to a diabetic, who is very strict about buying the zero's as it is good for him being diabetic, {as he washes a chocolate down with it).

I sound like the local MD.

Then there are the really bad things to buy, the best things of all, like fried everything....chips, chicken and fish nuggets etc. We also sell "Pap and Wors" .......yuk..... sorry Pap lovers.

On a more serious note, far too many people live well below the breadline. The number of people who live on the streets has never been brought home to me more strongly than now. People are coming into the shop looking for work, food or money daily. Far too many people are unemployed and there are not enough jobs available. When hungry people come into the shop asking for food, it is very hard to turn them away when I look poverty and hunger in the face.

There but for the Grace of God go I............

LEST WE FORGET

2011-06-22T13:57:00.000-07:00

The Holocaust Kingdom. life in the Warsaw Ghetto, I come to the last page and I close the book. I had shed many tears throughout the reading of this true story of a family of 3 who survived for 6 years in World War II, who were separated yet miraculously found one another at the end of the war.

Parents, knowing that the old, young and sick were to be exterminated, made alternative arrangements for their children outside the Ghetto Walls, in the free sector.

Those who survived Ghetto life with its food shortages and lack of medical supplies were then faced with the first resettlement program. People were chosen randomly and sent to different POW camps in cattle trucks. Some never made it.

The walls were re-designed to make it smaller. Life continued for a while until the second resettlement program got under way. Young, sick and old were shot, and the walls were once again changed to make the ghetto smaller still, less than half the original number were living there at this point.

During this time, the Jews knew that life for them was only going to get worse and the realisation that total extermination of the Jews had been the plan all along and they had been living in false hope of ever escaping. The youth formed an underground movement and planned an uprising. So the remaining residents made tunnels interleading from one apartment to another, until they could move from block to block without being seen or going outside.

It took l week for the Jews to be flushed out of their "warren" and this was done by setting the Ghetto on fire.

The last of them were sent to POW camps and the Warsaw Ghetto lay deserted.

Their war was an unbearable war of survival, they lived in fear, many feared death and many prayed for it.

The above photos are taken of the Warsaw Ghetto at the time of the uprising. See the little girl above with her arms up and the soldier in the background. I wonder what life she had, if any.

The man in the picture above is my father. He fought in the Korean War in 1951/52. I do not know this young man, but he was a young man on an adventure, for I truly feel he did not believe he knew the full horror of what could have been his fate. and I quote:

"Although it happened 56 years ago, it seems like yesterday that we all set off with such boyish zest." Taken from the book FLYING CHEETAHS IN KOREA.

He married my mother and they moved to Rhodesia where he joined the Rhodesian Air Force, and was just in time to face the war there

It had now become my mother's war.

I still see the worry on her face while he was out clocking up flying hours, night flying, circuits and bumps, and as we lived near the Air Force base, they were flying right above us. I close my eyes, I see my mom curled up in her chair wearing her red gown, she looks pale and she says "I worry every time he is up there." I was 10 years old and I had been introduced to fear and the knowledge that my parents could be taken from me. I just never imagined that parents could do that. Loss had not touched me yet. He always came home, but the seed had been planted in my mind.

I grew up and yes, would you believe it, I married a policeman in the British South Africa Police,

It had now become my war.

For seven years we lived with call ups of 6 weeks home, six weeks border duty. Worry dogged my every step, life for me trying to raise small children was not as it should be. In fact, it would be correct to say that my mom and I raised them a lot of the time.

Will my children know their father? Will he walk the girls down the isle? or will we be among the many broken lives left in the wake of wars gone before us, and will the politicians even know we existed?

Pictures of the Rhodesian Bush War

Bonds for survival are forged in times of war. Soldier to soldier as they watch one another's backs, wives to wives as they draw towards one another for strength, support and comfort, they become mom and dad to their children, become independent as learn to change plugs, change car tyres and make important decisions on their own.

Whether you have entered into combat. survived years in a POW camp, been a housewife keeping the home fires burning, or a child with no father, you are still a soldier in your own right.

So, take a bow soldiers worldwide, who fought your own wars, winning some, losing some, they will be with you forever.

They have left their mark on all the little people, the ones who had no voice at all.

DISABLED - BUT NOT STUPID

2011-06-07T11:04:00.000-07:00

Know someone who is deaf? Blind? or otherwise disabled?

They may be all of these things, and you may try to avoid being in their company, but don't, the next time you find yourself in the company of a disabled person, go to them, turn a blind eye to their disability and see a whole person, a normal, functioning person, treat them with respect, as an equal, for they may be disabled, but they are not stupid, and their feelings can be deeply hurt by insensitive treatment.

In the picture above are deaf children of 5 years old. They were the pre-school class I taught at a school which was in Bophuthaswana (now renamed) just outside Rustenburg on the way to Sun City.

As a teacher of children WITHOUT encumberances of any sort, this little group gave me tremendous insight as to the ability these children have, and how they learn.

I taught them spacial development, eye-hand, eye-foot co-ordination, colours and sizes, shapes and all the same perceptive development skills that hearing children learn, but through a different medium.

They had "face names", for example, the little boy holding my son (the white child), his name was "Doctor" called by others by placing 2 fingers across their foreheads. When he was a baby he had a drip in his head and it left a scar. I would catch the eye of someone, put 2 fingers on my forehead, and the message was well understood, about 3 or 4 children would run to him and turn him to face me! So it was with them all.

One day I noticed one little girl with a toy tambourine held to her ear. She was beating a 3/4 (waltz time) beat, her feet kept in time with the tapping on the tambourine and I remember thinking " how does she even KNOW what a beat is and how to dance keeping the correct rhythm.

Below is a picture of all the children, I had 8, one was absent on this day, and there sits my son amongst them all!

Meal times. Each in his world of silence. They were easy to control and quiet most of the time.

We took them to Pick 'n Pay one day on an outing. I did not know what to expect - bedlam I think, but was very pleasantly surprised. We all climbed into the back of what looked like a cattle truck, it had a green tarpaulin over it, and the children all ducked their heads underneath to see what the world looked like outside of the school grounds!

Once we arrived in Rustenburg, we all disembarked, arranged everyone in rows and set of on our big adventure. How amazing it was to discover that it was not unlike a trip with any other children, through the medium of signing we discussed the goods on the shelves, the colours, sizes of the containers, what everything was for etc. They were keen to learn rather than run up and down the isles, which is what I had been afraid of.

Most of the children at the school matriculated eventually, learning as much as hearing children, learning braille as they grew older, which of course enabled them to read, opening up a whole new world for them. They could lip read and speak out loud by the age of 10 - 18 years, and eventually many of them become contributing members of society. Unfortunately, not all of them have the opportunity.

I often used to think "there but for the grace of God go I"

COINCIDENC ES............SO MANY?

2011-05-23T12:11:00.000-07:00

Above are the grans, the baby is my eldest daughter Shirley

We have just come to the end of May.

May is the month that leaves me exhausted, I feel as though I have spent a month in "Las Vegas on steroids."

It is as though someone rolled 6 dice and only one number came up on them all.

When I have time to myself and am in a reflective mood, I mull over the people in my life, and when I REALLY have nothing to do, I think of...... well..... useless information? It doesn't teach me anything, but I have a lot a fun with it.

These are some of the people who have left footprints on my memories as they have walked across my life.

The first picture above is one of the two grans (the baby is Shirley my eldest daughter). The gran on the left passed away in the month of May 30 years ago. Her husband, grandpa, lived one year to the month after her until he too passed away.

Then in May last year, their son, the father of my children, and their beloved father was taken from us all in a senseless car accident. Natalia is getting a hug from Grandpa. This photo was taken 5 months before the accident.

It happened in the same week that Mother's day fell, and was an exceptionally emotional time for the family as we all gathered to pay our last respects, it was also the first time I had all my children with me at one time since they were in school.

The funeral party

That is a lot of emotional activity for one month, one I consciously need to prepare for, and one in which I need to be strong for my children, although I feel broken inside for them. I need much inner strength during times of their heartaches, and there are many. I think of what my mom has been though in her life, and how, with strength and character, she has faced it, and put herself last, and I always knew she come through for me. She never let me down.

OTHER COINCIDENCES IN MAY

Eleven.

My eldest son in law is eleven years younger than I am, and Shirley, my daughter and his wife is eleven years younger than he is.

That would be Shirley in the picture above. This photo was taken at her dad's funeral last May.

Shirley was eleven when her brother Brian was born (really). He started class 1 in school when she started matric.

Above is Brian, eleven years Shirley's junior, and he is holding his baby son Nathan, and would you believe that Shirley's eldest daughter was eleven when he was born!

So ya'll, whose next?

13?...An excellent number!!!!

2011-04-28T12:34:00.000-07:00

13. To be 13 was, to me, many years ago, like owning the keys that would open as many doors as I wanted to.

WRONG!!!!!

"I don't want ANY teenage tantrums from you just because you are a teenager today." Those were the first words out of my mothers mouth before she wished me happy birthday. She could have said it yesterday it is that clear in my mind.

I used the same line on my children when they turned 13 but they did what they wanted to do anyway, however, they joined the human race around 20.

What a downer it was to me though. Rebellion. (Sorry mom) That set the essence of my relationships with EVERYONE until I was 19 and engaged. By then I had realised that those keys I coveted at 13 were only mine to use when I turned 21, and despite the fact that I was soon to be a wife, I STILL did not have them.

I did, however, feel very grown up, and that young girl is lurking in the recesses of my mind today as my first grandchild, Victoria-Leigh, turned 13 two days ago. I remember her clearly as she was in the first photo you see above, In the next picture, my favourite one of all, she is super gorgeous, and in the 3rd picture she has about a week to go before the big 13, and she has started her new life with her family in England. Spring over there, and we are going into winter!

I wish for her only good and wonderful things, I pray she will be wise and happy and make good choices in life, and that one day the story of her life with be like a beautiful tapestry, one fit for a King!!

Happy birthday my Angel, you are always in my heart and you are a blessing in our lives.

AMAZING LOVE

2011-04-15T10:28:00.000-07:00

"Your FACES - and HANDS...... don't touch ANYTHING!!!

Three sets of eyes look up at me. My children have turned into sticky chocolate brownies.

"Oh my" - I try to sound delighted and surprised, "You found all the Easter bunnies chocolate eggs hidden all over the garden!" Three chocolate brownies smile at me, I see 3 sets of snowy white teeth fighting their way through the chocolate (I think of Colgate) they are well pleased with their cleverness and the obvious approval they have from me. I think to myself "It is so easy to make them smile and give them joy, as the years go by it will be a lot harder, as they experience life's hardships, to experience such joyful spontaneous pleasure. But for today, let us enjoy the chocolate, the bunnies, the egg hunts and the hot cross buns that we know will be served with tea."

In the photo above, they are 1, 2 and 3, almost 4 and it is Easter of 1979. They are sitting on the lawn of my mothers house in Salisbury. Gran has made them each a little basket full of lovely treats, sweets, and chocs. As I look at this picture I think of her amazing love as she has lovingly put each one together, with each child in mind, to bring them joy.

That was HER joy, giving, but more especially creating what she gave. She gave projects like this her time, thought, and planning. She invested in the children greatly and passed on her love of creating unique gifts from the heart.

Easter is a time of rebirth and the most important on the Christian calendar. So, despite the fact that they believed in Easter bunnies and chocolate eggs as small children, they grew to learn of Jesus amazing love, and the sacrifice he made for them on the cross of calvary.

Have a blessed Easter.

GOLDEN OLDIES ............

2011-04-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

I have loved John Denver's music all my life, so when my daughter Shirley uploaded a video clip from You Tube I was DELIGHTED, and what lovely footage too.

Great taste she has, she was paying attention during her childhood! Another one of my many favourites is Country Roads, you might see that too sometime soon!

I stole this clip from Shirley's blog. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

After listening to it you can, if you feel like a musical evening with John Denver, just go to the bottom and choose your songs!

May the sun shine on your life.

OTHER LIFE STYLES

2011-04-03T04:44:00.001-07:00

My daughter and her family emigrated to England earlier this year. Shirley put this on her blog as she was so interested in the Amish lifestyle. I was fascinated and thought you would like to see a snippet. I delved a bit and this is what I found. This is only l episode.

The Amish people in America are an old religious sect, direct descendants of the Anabaptists of sixteenth-century Europe. Not to be confused with the term anti-Baptist, these Anabaptist Christians challenged the reforms of Martin Luther and others during the Protestant Reformation, rejecting infant baptism in favor of baptism (or re-baptism) as believing adults. They also taught separation of church and state, something unheard of in the 16th century. Later known as the Mennonites, after the Dutch Anabaptist leader Menno Simons (1496-1561), a large group of Anabaptists fled to Switzerland and other remote areas of Europe to escape religious persecution.

HOME

2011-03-16T11:10:00.000-07:00

I do not live in a castle, but have found much happiness and peace in a place called PIONEER LODGE, which is situated on Durban's beach front. It is a semi-retirement lodge where folk who still work but the children have flown the nest live. We moved to Pioneer Lodge shortly after my husband had his stroke almost 2 years ago.

In the photo below there is a man standing at the entrance. The front is safely floor to roof burglar guarded. My flat is on the second floor towards the end of the building. For people who know Durban, that is Point Road at the bottom.

The reason the street is so clean is because I managed to catch it just after the police had got all the drug addicts and muggers off the street (joke). Actually, when I look at the rest of the world, South Africa rates pretty high as a good place to live, but hasn't always been awarded that reputation.

Below is the veranda which is a favourite gathering place and the only place to be during this our hottest and most humid time of the year. The doorlady has a pink top on and she controls the "board" or "squawk box" so no one can just come in off the street into the building, they fill their names in a book and the resident is then buzzed before the visitor is allowed up.
Another picture of the veranda, we have quite a collection of plants at the far end.
Walking into the building we cross a foyer and the light at the end is a lounge for residents if they wish to use it.
Below is where meeting are held by the Directors, Bible studies are also carried out here.
Another shot of the lounge....
and another......
here's another corner....

In the outer courtyard, I am now surrounded by the building. On the left is the side you have just seen, this is the middle section facing towards the sea...
and the far side I call it, South facing. It takes up an entire block.
This the surrounding flora in the court yard which is very pretty with all the blossoms always in bloom, ours is a tropical climate and does not get very cold, even in winter. I am standing on the ramp which is used for wheelchairs.
Now I am in the inner courtyard. Looking up. The pillars must have at one time been part of a fountain feature as the white tops which are visible, are lions heads and there are holes in their mouths where I can imagine water gushing from at one time. My flat is two floor up from where I am standing
Coming back into the outer courtyard you see the ramp I was standing on with steps next to it, this door leads into the lounges we were in earlier.
Some more flora...
and still more.....
different view....
Now I am in my flat and that is Widget on his stand. He is now easy to see in this picture, he is on the plate next to his food dish.
My children will recognise some of their children on this wall!! This is only one side of the wall, on the other side of many pictures of them as babies and small children, my mom, dad, sisters and friends, and they are all with me everyday.
The pictures above and below are of the bedroom area.
And here is Widget on his stand, eating an apple. There is a story behind this picture. We tried to get him to do his many aerobics tricks and swing around by one leg as he does so often, he is very funny and I wanted to share some of it with you and all he did was stare with suspicion at the camera and do nothing.
It was like trying to make a baby do what you want it to do for the camera, cajoling, encouraging, making fools of ourselves, bribing him with apple etc and although we have the clip it would not successfully upload.
So, from all of us at Pioneer Lodge, we hope that you too will find your place in the sun when the time comes!!

HOLIDAYS = TENTS, BUGS, AND DO IT YOURSELF

2011-02-21T10:12:00.000-08:00

AND CHILDREN WHO DREAMED OF A LE FOUR SEASONS HOTELS! "CAMPING" - we're going CAMPING???" EEEUW" Are the horrified replies to the news of

another family holiday.

*

"There are, bugs, spiders, snakes AND, I add to this woefull exchange, YOU WILL HAVE TO WASH THE DISHES AND MAKE UP YOUR OWN STRETCHERS, plus sweep out the dirt floor and keep it tidy as there is not much room for us all!"

*

"You also get to go to the beach and to your aunts farm which you love, in exchange for which, you all wash the dishes etc. etc........"

*

The idea grows on them and they even start looking forward to the tenting holiday, that is until one day reality strikes.

*

"Oh girls, I need your help out here" calls their father. They peer out of the windows and ....... it's getting worse, dad has the WHOLE tent out on the lawn in pieces. and it is no small tent. it has three 3 rooms after all.
*
Soooooo..... while dad instructs, they are under the tent trying to fit poles together and attach the right rooms to the right poles - they got 11 out of 10 from me, that was for sure! It was at this time that their dad earned himself the name Major Dad, and he remained so for many years after that.
*
It all had to come down of course as that was the trial run. It was folded up, and packed in the trailer, to be carted off to some part of the South African East Coast.

Shirley never married her four seasons husband, he is a hotel manager sure, but their best times are camping and going on nature walks. How our values change as we grow older and once the children arrive the emphasis of our lives becomes one of family and all that families should be to one another.

I remember this day. Brian was 2, tired, too much sun, hot, hungry, you know the story. So big sister Lisa took him back to the tent and it looks as though they are both enjoying playing with Brian's toy cars.

Notice the little fridge in the background, and in the trailer we kept all our provisions.

In the evenings we would sit in the "lounge" and play board games, what fun it was to do things we do did not normally do.

Off to the beach with their nets. The beach is just past the trees down the track, it has lovely rock pools with all sorts of interesting things swimming around in them. HHHmmmmmm, they don't seem worried now about spiders and snakes.

The tent is packed up and now we are on the farm. It is an Angora sheep farm owned by their Uncle and Aunt. They learned to inject, dip and round up sheep. Even did a bit of sheering!

This picture is not part of the holiday but it fitted into the outdoor way of life that my children enjoyed most of their growing up years. Here they are walking among baby elephants at feeding time. It was taken at a place called Tambuti Lodge, a few miles outside Triangle, Rhodesia, now Zimbabwe.

Sooooo..... when I look back it is fair to say that they had more fun than they admitted to?

20 YEARS WITH CRUNCHIE

2011-01-24T09:32:00.000-08:00

This magnificent tortoise is 90 years old and is said to be in his prime. He is a bachelor at present and the zoo is trying to hook him up with a girl. Such a good looking fellow, its surprising he hasn't got a girlfriend already! He has a life span of approximately 150 years.

20 years ago, when my son Brian was 5 years old (now 25) he begged me to buy this little chap from the son of a friend of mine, a friendship going back to early school days. Brian grew up and is a father himself now, everyone has left home except Crunchie. I am still taking care of the pets, so why am I now surprised ........ there were cats, dogs, mice, hamsters, the list goes on and on, and on .......

However, as most people know tortoises live to grand old ages and I doubt Crunchie is going to be any exception. He is a small rock tortoise and when he came to us 20 years ago he was old then......I won't even try and guess his age! He is so a part of my life that I would miss him terribly should some fate befall him.

Despite his age he is very lively. During the winter months, which fall in the middle of the year in South Africa peaking in June and July, he hibernates. In May he will search for a suitable place, a shoe, dark corner or quiet cupboard. He takes up residence there for about 6 months and in October he crawls out looking for food and water.
The next 6 months are summer, we put the board across the front door to prevent him escaping from the flat. He eats constantly the entire summer and constantly expects a substantial diet of fruit and veggies. Dare a forget and a sharp nip to my toes or heel from his v shaped beak reminds me of his ongoing quest for nourishment. If I am slow with the water (he only drinks about 3 times a week) he makes for the bathroom where he must instinctively associate with water. So he makes himself very well understood.

These pictures were taken over a period of 20 minutes. He's a real rock 'n roller isn't he? Slow to think, slow to move and act. Maybe that accounts for his long life, no stress or rush!
In the Picture below I am holding him to give you an idea of his size. It is January now so he is on top of his game. Widget the parrot drops bits of apple and seed shells and Crunchie is not above trying out anything he finds on the floor.
In the well known childrens' story "The Tortoise and the Hare" - the hare really underestimated the tortoise when he took him on in a race.

We can learn from this though, strong and steady wins the race. Unlike the hare who slept and took short cuts, the tortoise plodded on and yes, we all know the end of the story!

Imagine if goliath at the top lived with us, one thing would be certain, we not have to worry about him crawling through the safety gate door and escaping!

WHEN THE WORLD WENT MAD

2011-01-17T09:17:00.000-08:00

This pic was taken in 1974 when the war in Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) was just getting started. My husband at the time was in the police force, and we had use of the police cottage, which was a wonderful retreat. The picture below is in black and white because we were unable to buy colour spools at that time. I also found myself in the ridiculous situation of having been thrown into the pool by my husband, all of 7 months pregnant. And check out those cloth nappies ladies, no pampers in those days. Also no washing machine at the police cottage!

A few months later we visited the cottage again, the baby is 6 months old now. It was on this trip that, for the first time, one of my babies fell off the bed. I was devastated. What strange things we remember when looking at old photos.
Below is the cottage in the background. Quite quaint. Lots of atmosphere and it was like being alone in the world. In was at this time that terrorists were infiltrating this area so we were constantly looking over our shoulder and listening to all the bumps in the night. It was about 10 o'clock one night when we heard a bump, bump, bump against the wall. We had gone with friends and both men were armed with weapons. In those days weapons were our new best friends and came with us most places.

My husband and his friend picked up their weapons while his wife, myself and my baby huddled in one bed hardly daring to breath. The men had devised a plan of action. They would both leave by the back door and go in opposite directions, meeting at the front door.

Silence. More silence. Then we heard them roaring with laughter. Our terrorist was a large beetle attracted to the light, and it was bumping against the wall!
We used to take the little boat provided out onto the dam, the men tried to fish and kids loved it. Kyle dam provided most of the country with its water and was vast. These pictures were taken 4 days before the dam overflowed for the first time.
Beautiful countryside, happy memories, the end of wonderful retreats, but I have these pictures and memories forever.
They closed this cottage not long after this trip and there became fewer and fewer places we could go. But it was just the other day I was speaking to the couple who came with us on that trip and in retrospect, even when times were becoming harder, we can still laugh!

I AM glad it was only a beetle.

CELEBRATING WITH THE NEXT GENERATION!!

2010-12-14T10:08:00.000-08:00

Last year I scanned photos of my children all decorating the christmas tree, and remembered the excitement of decorating the tree, the excitement of going to bed the night before Christmas day, and the excitement that belongs only to children when celebrating the birth of Christ.
*
Above we see Kerry's children, JP, Tessni and baby Shanni decorating the tree in their home in Middleburg, and under that Shanni with some shiney balls for the tree.

We travel half across Africa to Cape Town where we find Natalia, Lisa's daughter, (above) who is decorating the tree with her cousins. They have always celebrated Christmas together and the cousins have decorated the tree.

Above is Dad Trevor, Shirley,and Jessie with cousin Natalia, and below are Vicky {right} and Jessie {left}

This is a bitter sweet christmas for this little group of cousins and sisters as it will be the last time that they decorate the tree and celebrate the day together. Trevor and Shirley are leaving Africa for England in January.

I will be in Middleburg with my daughter Kerry, Johan her husband and children Tessnie, JP, and Shanni featured at the top of this page, for Christmas. I will also meet my son Brian's son, Nathan for the first time. He is already 6 months old!

Thank you girls for posting these pics on your blogs for me to steal for my blog!

WHAT BIG EARS THEY HAVE!!!!

2010-12-06T09:51:00.000-08:00

"PHONES RINGING!" Ever noticed that the moment the telephone rings, no matter where the children are, they will appear from no where, whether they have been playing indoors or out, near or far, they stop dead in their tracks and make a bee line for the phone! Have you also noticed that when you speak they study you in silence without interrupting, almost as though they do not want to miss a word!

"Stop counting teeth while I am on the phone" I hiss to them, as my mom in her turn hissed to me all those years ago, and I remember clearly doing the exact same thing to her! It is a universal phenomena and proves if nothing else, that gossip is irresistable and most humans are drawn to listen to that which is forbidden!

Above is Natalia when she lived with her mom and dad in London. She is living with her mom in Cape Town now and she is 7 years old. Seen here is a telephone she received for her first birthday and she is speaking to "me"!

There are those who can conquer the world, they are invincible, or think they are, they have no fear, they are DRAWN to danger. They are the ones who give mothers grey hairs and ulcers, they are terrifying to live with at times. Here is Brian at 6, he climbed a tree which had branches the size of twigs, and when he reached the top, he lost his balance and slid down the tree, snapping all the twigs on his journey to planet earth! Hence the plaster of paris on his left arm!

"For my birthday I want SUPERMAN clothes!" aaaaahhhhh no........here we go again. With a very bad feeling we buy him the superman clothes, they were designed by a man who had no children of that I am sure as I found my son on the roof with complete faith in his cape to enable him to fly off and not drop like a rock.

Children are playing, out of my way, perfect time to get out the vacuum cleaner and give the lounge a good clean. Well, you can see how well that turned out. As soon as the vacuum cleaner was turned on, my three daughters all bound into the lounge and, of course, the only place to tackle one another was on the carpet. Oh well, at least the thought was there, I DID get the vacuum cleaner out with good intentions, I'll just get the cord out of the way so this bundle of humanity can carry on. yes..... there ARE 3 children in there!

'
''DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT BRIAN!"

*

Despite all the exasperating moments that were mine during the years I raised my children, they were far outweighed by joy and happiness, of loving and being loved.
*
I now watch my daughters and son raise their children and see them experience the same exasperation and joy that I did, and so it will go on and on.......

ALEX

2010-11-27T10:52:00.000-08:00

This is ALEX. isn't he super gorgeous. He belongs to Shirley my eldest daughter and her family and I became very fond of him during my visits to Cape Town.

He has an enormous capacity to love and bound!

As Shirley, Trevor, Vicky and Jessie leave South African shores soon, they have to find homes for their pets, and dear Alex needs a home too. My daughter is heartsore to be leaving him behind but there is a possibility of a home for him.

They will be lucky to have him, he truly is mans best friend!

Thanks for the picture Shirley love, I have wanted one for the longest time - he is SUCH a comical character!

DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT'S COVER!!!

2010-11-25T09:07:00.000-08:00

They came in all colours, shapes and sizes, the dogs that my children grew up with. But one particular dog, Jess, comes to mind for many reasons.
*
My first husband had always been particularly fond of bull terriers, but I had heard all the horror stories against them, they are vicious, unpredictable, their jaws lock when they bite, the whole 9 yards of reasons for not getting one. The girls were young but not babies and Jess was 3 months old. I jumped in and made the decision, and Jess came home with us. I never regretted it. In true bull fashion, she tore in to the house having no regard for anything, it appeared that all she was was muscle. As a pup she shredded all foam rubber, she was
OBSESSED with foam rubber, she even sniffed it out of the settee. Jess was hard work. She brought us many gifts, the most memorable were our neighbours prize chickens, I looked out of the window and there, to my horror, were chickens and feathers from one side of the garden to the other. We were not asked to replace the chickens but to control our dog. The fence was made higher.
*
She adored children, a trait of this breed I learned, and was very protective of our children. When I gave them birthday parties I would have to ensure that Jess was locked away as she would chase and bite onto the clothes of the children chasing my children! Read below why we did this!

It was during one of these parties that a guest of ours who was staying with us, came into the house covered in grass and sand, it was a frightening sight, I thought he had met with some awful accident. "Why didn't you tell me that your dog is vicious" he asked,"were you playing catches with the children" I asked, "yes" came the reply, "I was crawling around chasing the children and your dog attacked me". "Oh," I told him, "NEVER chase the children, she thinks you will do them harm and is only protecting them!" He stayed indoors after that. As I said, that was the end of Jess's party days.

Then we found out one day we were to have a new addition to the family (human) and I worried all over again as Jess had never known babies, and babies are too inquisitive for their own goods some times, and while I knew that Jess would not purposely hurt the baby, the baby might not purposely hurt her, but she would retaliate - I knew I could not take the risk.

The baby arrived, Jess showed little interest, and while he was still in his pram he was safe, then he started to roll and crawl. I left him on a blanket on the floor one day and Jess was asleep some distance away. When I returned to the lounge, Brian had had rolled to Jess, his finger so far in her eye, the finger could not be seen, Jess did not budge, open her eyes, jump away, growl or eat my baby! I did however, run over and snatch him up, but it gave me food for thought, I watched closely after that, and the two became firm friends.

Brian is 18 months old in the 3 pics above, the first one he climbed on top of her and lay down, the second he slowly starts sliding off, and the third one he has come to a sitting position. What fun he had.

Look at Jess, she did not bat an eyelid, and today Brian is as fond of bullterriers as his father was before him.

PRIMA BALLERINA!

2010-11-18T08:04:00.000-08:00

Many little girls have dreams of becoming prima ballerinas', my three were no different.

My initiation into the wonderful, exhausting and expensive world of ballet was when Shirley, my eldest daughter, was 3 years old and still in nursery school.

"I want to do ballet, ALL the girls in my class are doing ballet". I think "You have just learned to walk" , but say nothing." Have you noticed that your child is ALWAYS the ONLY child not doing something great and are therefore deprived children?

I duly met with her teacher who referred me to the ballet teacher.

That was the first of many years filled with ballet exams, concerts and practice runs which involved all three of my girls at once.

As the years went by, each was at a different stage and doing different things in different studios, and this also involved many different colourful and exotic outfits!

To keep up with their times and places I made a list of who had to be where when!

However, this was my first ballerina. And in the picture she was a chocolate sweet. The leotard was a stretch material, the icing is thin foam rubber cut to look like icing and the red ball on top of the hat is polystyrene and is a CHERRY.

The outfit was carefully brought home and put in a safe place, we thought. My second baby girl was crawling, saw the cherry ....."WOW, she must have thought (baby thoughts of course!) " WHATS TO EAT!" As babies do, she put it in her mouth and took a bite.

Shirley had a major melt down, this was a CRISES, and was hysterical with grief at the sight of her bitten cherry. Kerry cried because Shirley was crying.

Paint, I need paint, I will flatten the bite and paint over it. Good idea.

Bad idea.

As soon as the paint touched the polystyrene, a huge hole appeared. There must have been an ingredient in the paint that ate certain things, like polystyrene. I should have left the bite. There were no more cherries.

The day of the concert arrived. The dance was of a little group of chocolates dancing out of a box (seen in the background) around the stage in a circle and then back into the box.

The lady on the left was to keep the chocolates dancing in the same direction and in something resembling a circle and executing a successful entrance back into the chocolate box!

I don't remember what happened to the cherry.

THERE ONCE WAS AN UGLY DUCKLING

2010-11-13T05:25:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I posted some pics of Widget at 2 and a half months. Well, here you will see what he looked like when I picked him up at the pet shop. I thought he was GORGUSS!
His undercarriage was bare and his neck was pencil thin and also bare, with feathers on his wings and a little orange on his head. He could not walk well and slept on his tummy with his head turned to the side.

The back drop here are my neighbours (who took these pics) plants outside her flat. Note his stubby little blue tail. It is much longer now and the blue is only on the ends of it.

Oh my Widg., I am so glad that you are now a swan, with your sonic schriek and all!

He was so dependant and only 3 weeks old, I fed him baby parrot cereal from a bent spoon. I now cannot get him off cereal and eat seeds as he should do, he gets hysterically excited when he sees his dish and bent spoon, the pet shop folk have told me he is spoilt.

Any ideas on how to wean him properly without him having tantrums? There must be some experts out there somewhere!

He is a real joy and is very comical, a lovely pet to have!

THIS LAND IS MY LAND! DURBAN, KWA ZULU NATAL, SOUTH AFRICA!

2010-11-04T10:48:00.000-07:00

Durban is noisy, colourful, cosmopolitan, a colour blind nation where black, white, coloured Indian, Moslem and any other person of any nationality is welcome and all work together, play together, and yes, argue and sometimes fight together. But I would live no where else.

I am speaking of the here and now, memories of my past at least are all that they are now, memories.

Above you will see a pic of revellers at the world during the Soccer World Cup. Note the vuvuzela bottom right, it is green in case you

are unfamiliar with them.

A gentleman was quoted as saying that he had been to many Soccer World Cups and this had been the noisiest!

Here is a picture of our local policemen and women, patroling on horseback along the beach front. a common sight.

I will post more sights of Durban over the next few weeks, and you will see that we work together, play together, pray together and stay together.

THE WHEEL, DURBAN NATAL, SOUTH AFRICA

2010-11-02T08:44:00.000-07:00

This is Gillespie Street, two blocks from the beachfront.

The yellow building across the road, used to have an enormous wheel on the outside of it, and folk used to cue up to ride on this wheel. It was one of the most popular shopping malls in Durban during the 1980's. The wheel itself has now been dismantled. Not only has the wheel been dismantled but the name of the building has changed. But to all Durbanites, it will always remain The Wheel!.

MY FEARLESS SON!

2010-11-02T03:40:00.001-07:00

Brian, my son has been fearless all his life. When he was 7 we went on a church picnic when we lived in Mandini, on the Natal North Coast.

After we had had our picnic (there were many of us), one little boy ran up to me and said (Brian climbed into the crocodile cage to get his cap!

He surely has a guardian angel that boy. There was a sign on the enclosure "DANGER - KEEP AWAY FROM FENCE". Well, that didn't work!

I was angry and he thought he was very clever to have outsmarted the crocodile!

I think the one above is an allegator though!

LIKE A SPRING GARDEN

2010-10-28T00:51:00.000-07:00

At long last! here are a few previews as promised. My neighbour who lives in Pioneer Lodge with us has very kindly taken these photos so that you can see Widget for the first time. Since birth he has learned many tricks, the first one was walking!

He had a bare under carriage, few feathers on his wings and couple of orange feathers on his head, when he first came to us.

He slept in a shoe box with wood shavings in it to keep him warm due to his lack of covering. He slept on his tummy with his head to the side as he could not stand. During the day he slept between our continental pillows for hours at a time. He is still on baby parrot cereal, what a drama, wings flapping and if he is very hungry he manages to get the spoon out of my hand and I have to wrestle it back! He is pecking a few seeds when the mood gets him!

I play the sounds on the cellphone to him, bullfrog, cackle, you know the sort of thing, and of all the sounds, I now have a bullfrog in my flat!

I will show you a pic of him when he is very young as soon as a friend of mine can have it developed, but I was very fortunate to discover a resident who takes pics and could do this for me.

A PIGEON PAIR

2010-10-12T06:28:00.000-07:00

I couldn't resist sharing this photo with you.
*
My two youngest grandchildren, they truly are a pigeon pair of cousins!*
Shanni on the right is 2 years old and is the youngest daughter of my 2nd daughter Kerry, and Nathan is the son of my son who is the "baby" of my 4 children, and he is almost 4 months old.
*
They do not live far from one another, Shanni lives in Middleburg and Nathan lives in Ermelo, both town are near each other in Mphumhalanga, South Africa. Ermelo is very cold and has had snow in the past and minus 0 temperatures are often the norm in winter. Middleburg is marginally warmer. My hope is that these young cousins will become friends as they are close in age.
*
Shanni's older brother and sister are 10 and 12 years.
*
In Cape Town, South Africa, 3 cousins growing up with one another are Shirley's two daughters Vicky 12 and Jessie 10, together with Lisa's daughter of 7.
*
My 4 children have recently undertaken to see more of each other, and it was brought home to them recently when their dad was tragically killed in a car accident, and we all took stock of our lives and now see the importance of visiting often, call, a short sms or email a week at least, and never forget to say "I love you" as often as they can.
*
We can never go back and change things, so lets just do it right the first time round.

... A BLESSING CAME IN THREE'S....

2010-10-05T04:20:00.000-07:00

Lets take a peek into a small part of Andy's life. As those of you who follow my blog will know Andy is my second husband, so he, as I, had lives with others and raised children before we met one another. Above he is as he was just over a year ago, fit, healthy and able to work. In july last year he suffered a stroke which changed our lives completely. He is progressing, but whether he will ever be the person he was we do not know, even the doctors cannot tell us.
This little chap is Chrisvien aka Junior. In this picture he is 14 months old, Andy and I took care of him for a large part of his second year and grew very fond of him. He is 5 years old now, small, but what he lacks in size he makes up for in other ways! He is the 3rd child of my stepson Chris.

And here is Megan, the first daughter of Andy's youngest daughter (he has 3 children). She is 10 years old now and unfortunately we do not know her very well, but then all the grandchildren, his and mine, which we refer to as "ours" live far from us.

Things come in 3's! When Megan was 3 years old, Sharon had triplet girls, I would still be running if it were me! they are Leanda, Samantha and Dominique.

Here they are, mom, dad and sister are all holding one!

Four years old! As you see they are now identical but with this little crowd one would have to have eyes at the back of ones head!*

Andy has 8 grandchildren, unfortunately we do not have pictures of half of them. I am working on it so that ALL the grandchildren, 15 in all, will have been properly introduced!

Love you children so that they learn to love theirs in turn, our children will do what we do not what we say, parents have an enormous responsibility to future generations.

PETS OF YESTERYEAR

2010-09-29T02:51:00.000-07:00

Hmmm... what pets do I have in the box of the photos my children grew up with. Well, here is the first one, if this guinea pig had still been alive he would be at least 33 years old! His name was Hannibal, named after Hannibal the Hamster (I know I know our Hannibal was a guinea pig).

He was given his name from the Hannibal the Hamster books my small children so loved as they grew up. THIS Hannibal however, did not ferret around in the wild, but lived a very privledged life. He was quite tame and would run about the lounge for short periods of time, and was put back in this cage for HIS safety! Small children love to chase any moving creature with shrieks of delight. Hannibal used to lie on my lap, on his back, for ages. I loved his furry tummy!

The only disadvantage was that dad was so allergic to him that if he simply picked him up he would sneeze uncontrollably (dad, not Hannibal). We moved during his time with us from Salisbury to Triangle, the magical place we lived in on a Rhodesian sugar estate when the girls were 2, 3 and almost 5. The pets traveled via Pet Travel, we simply collected them all at the Buffalo Range Airport, which is 10 kms from the Mozambique border. When we left Zimbabwe as it had become, he had to go to another home. He was too old to travel to South Africa by then.

We ended up in Pretoria, and we became the proud owners of Jess the bull terrier. She was a birthday present to my childrens' dad from us all. If I could have seen into the future, I am not so sure that Jess would have become a part of the family! She was like a bulldozer, so pleased to see us each morning that when let in by the children we would hear her galloping down the passage, for self preservation we would quickly pull the blankets over our heads because she would take a flying leap from the door and land directly on us, squealing with joy and licking us with wet slobbery "kisses"! Schrieking laughing kids close behind her, it seemed it was a treat for all!

She used to bring us presents too, our neighbours prize curly feathered chickens, and she would dismember them on the lawn, and there were enough feathers strewn about to stuff a mattress. We had MANY warnings from neighbours to control her. We did the best we could anyway, watching her like a hawk so that she did not bring home any more prized pets belonging to others.

We eventually had her put to sleep at the ripe old age of 14. She had trouble moving about and it was the kindest but sadest thing to do, the hard part of owning pets. In my next post you will see how patient this bull in a china shop was with a new baby, and despite her toughness, she had a very gentle heart.

Well, what do you know, PANDA. We did not have children when he joined us. He was the kitten of a ferral cat who lived in the surrounding bush of our flats in Salisbury. The gardener caught him for us. This particular mommy cat continually had kittens this minky colour and I loved it. We came home from work one day and heard spitting from the bathroom, and there, behind the loo, was this very tiny fierce kitten.

We put a shoe box into the bathroom, and he eventually slept in that. He was so small that he only took up a quarter of it!

When we were in the bathroom we ignored all his angry hisses and spitting, which was so cute coming from such a small creature who was going to "take on the world".

For 2 days we could not get near him with gloves. We decided to leave him and feed him where he was as he was obviously very afraid.

We woke one morning to find this wee creature curled up at the end of our bed. From then on he never looked back. He grew into the hughest, laziest cat we were ever to own. When he was 2 years old I had Shirley, my first daughter, a mom herself now. Panda immigrated with us to South Africa when we left Zimbabwe, taking only our caravan, all we had in the world apart from one another.

I still see the faces of the pets who immigrated with us staring at us through the caravan window, for they had been sedated before we started our historic immigration from the country we loved so, we had lost so much, we were not about to lose the pet family too.

Shirley was 16 when we had him put to sleep, and Panda was 18, good innings for a cat who would never have survived the wild! I was devastated when he went as he had been our 1st "baby".

Here we are in Pretoria at last, with the animal kingdom no less. We have Panda, Jess and Caesar, an Alsatian cross, who also immigrated with us in the caravan!

*
Caesar was a timid soul, but he loved my mom and he was one of her favourites. He lived to the ripe old age of 15 years. His back legs started to give way. He joined the family when the girls were babies and their dad was gone most of the time on border duties. Caesar was timid as I have said, loved digging holes all over the garden and stealing other dogs food dishes! We were always trying to find the owners of all the dishes he collected! He could clear 5 foot fences too and would disappear for hours, how he made old bones I will never know!

Hey Shirley, look what I have here! Ice Baby and 3 of her 4 pups! I am not sure whether you ever saw the puppies. The first one was stillborn, he was enormous and would have been the pick of the litter.
*

Shirley shared a flat with her best friend Ingrid in Johannesburg where they attended college. Ingrid had a pet rat, Elvis, who ran about the apartment freely. Guess who became their owners when the girls moved on and could not take their pets with them. No prizes for guessing me.

Ice Baby was passed around the family for a while, Kerry had her on the farm in Ermelo, she came back to us and when Shirley married, she took Ice Baby back. So Ice Baby just loved everybody! Read Shirley's blog, link is on the right hand side of this post. http://www.shirleyathome.blogspot.com/.

Well family and friends, there are the tales of most of the animals who are part of the tapestry of our lives.
*
There were many others though, and if your read "He links my worlds" you will read of crunchie the tortoise, who came into my life when my son was 5 and he followed me into the present where he lives with Andy and me, my second husband of 15 years to this day.

Ours is a life of tortoise and parrots. As soon as our new baby parrot arrives, you shall be introduced!
*

All these memories we have, and they are special as no one can take them from us, and they are to be shared!
*

Love your pets and treat them well, and your reward will be great.

KRAZI KIDS PART IV -BRIAN

2010-09-26T06:13:00.000-07:00

YES! MOM'S DRESSINGTABLE, NO MOM IN SIGHT! This is a dream come TRUE!

"Lipstick, where is the lipstick, that's the best, goes far, lots of mess, it is also BANNED from me!

Oh well, if folks don't take care of their things, I will, that's for sure!

Just look, I can paint my face with it, my clothes with it, stick it in my hair. UH OH....here comes MOM and she is yelling..."....."WHAT HAVE YOU GOT' she shrieks, I have told you to leave that (she comes up for air) alone! TO THE BATHROOM!"

I did forget this part.

The face scrub, the hair wash, mom's mad face, maybe it wasn't worth it after all.

Oh WHEN will I grow up and find something less forbidden.

He is squeaky clean now, my lipstick ruined, my blood pressure going down.

Time passes and one day I find the photo, I smile and think "I wish such small things could bring you pleasure now, but you are grown and have a baby son of your own, and soon the cycle will repeat itself.

AND HE WILL GET YOU BACK!

THE ALPHA AND OMEGA OF MY GRANDCHILDREN

2010-09-14T05:23:00.000-07:00

This was a very special occasion. My daughter in law Louiza went to Cape Town and took Nathan - remember the post "and along came Nathan" in which he was just born. Well, that was 2 months ago now, and just look how he has grown!

Holding him is my eldest granddaughter Victoria-Leigh, Nathan is the last grandchild born, there are 5 grandchildren in between, and this photo has significance for me as I remember Shirley (Vicky's mom) in her matric year, holding the hand of Brian (Nathan's dad) at the begining of his first school year at the age of 6.

Here is to all the cousins knowing and growing together always!

KRAZI KIDS PART lll - LISA

2010-09-10T06:42:00.000-07:00

My bug eyed dummy sucker. That is how she was then, as a toddler living in Rhodesia, on a sugar estate in Triangle. Although she has now lost the bug eyes and the dummy she hasn't lost her rather wacky sense of humour! Although it can wears thin as she lives her life in Cape Town as a single mom holding down a demanding job.

Lisa was 2 in this photo and her dummy, which was her new best friend from the time of her birth, was a fixture day and night and I wondered whether she would ever be friends with anyone or anything else. When she reached the age of 4 I thought I had better do something about it. I believed and still do, that a small child will give up their comforts when it was good a ready, as they will potty train more easily when they are ready to do so. I was one of THOSE. But by 4 and 6, a little encouragement did not harm!

I would say "only at night" - or try and hide them altogether but I could never stand the heartbreaking sobs this caused and always caved very quickly. I started to have visions of her walking down the isle one day with her dummy pinned where her corsage should be.

Then one day I thought I little psychology might do the trick without causing pain. I told her that I would buy her an extra large lunch box, for all the dummies as well as her sandwich. She was fine with that.

1 failure to my name so far.

But I did some more brainstorming and came up with THIS. I think I should have patented it for I truly had a lightbulb moment!

I tied a dummy to her bed, not too long, just long enough to reach her mouth. "You can suck that thing all day, BUT you have to lie on your bed to do it. I think she just heard "all day" and thought she had worn me right DOWN ... ha ha, I LOVED letting them think they had won! It always made them so HAPPY, and a happy child has a happy mom!

"ok" my little tot beamed in agreement. As the day progressed, this undersized, skinny little babe would race through the house, dive onto her bed, grab the dummy, have a few sucks, jumped up and was off outside again. It was actually quite a funny sight to witness, still brings back smiley moments when I look at the old photos.

As the days wore on, and also as I predicted, the bedroom dashes decreased, maybe they were becoming more trouble than they were worth and she had to always stop what she was doing? Exhaustion took over? Her dummy became less and less important to her?

And then one night I looked in on the sleeping children .... "whose strange child is that in the bed...? good grief! It's mine!" Dummyless no less.

And just a small part of me felt a little sad that one of my children had taken another small step from babyhood on her journey into the difficult years that lay ahead before she would be one day be a mom of her own.

KRAZI KIDS - PART II - KERRY

2010-08-24T02:37:00.000-07:00

I am her mother, therefore I can read her mind.

Exams, tests, homework, work, work. Teachers are trained to torture. Mothers are trained to back them up. What do I need to know all this for, I don't even know what I want to do with my life yet. (therein lies the answer). This is travelling through the mind of this disenchanted teen.

Then I put in my two cents worth of course - WRONG MOVE.

"Is your homework done, have you started learning for the exams, they are just around the corner you know, you cannot waste too much time". At this point she does that thing they do with their eyes, you know, toss them about in their sockets.

"Mom, you are so PREDICTABLE." I think 'O reign over me drama.'

I will bet my bottom dollar that before she fell asleep, hard at studying of course, this is what she was thinking, sure looks like it huh?

On this particular day it had been quiet for some time, too long. No attacks on the kitchen for coffee and food, the Roxettes were not blaring forth from her sound system. That 'better check this out' instinct kicked in, I went to check and found - THE ABOVE SCENE.

At that moment I was grateful for my choice to teach pre school children, when children are still keen to show everyone how clever they are and are always willing to please!

Kerry had a reading problem similar to dyslexia, so reading did not come easily to her. But I am proud to say that she aced her matric, and today holds down a well paid job with most of her work being done on computers. She lives with her husband and children in Middleburg which is in a rural area where farmers are always needing parts for their machinery. She knows all these parts and knows exactly what to order.

I believe these stolen 40 winks did her no harm after all, and it certainly did not have any adverse influence on who she became or what she was eventually capable of doing once school days were left behind her.

I am reminded of this pray I taught them when they were 5 and started their school years.

ANGELS NORTH ANGELS WEST,

SOUTH AND EAST JUST DO YOUR BEST

KRAZI KIDS - PART I - SHIRLEY

2010-08-18T02:35:00.000-07:00

"I am going to be a nurse, like aunty Brenda" - this from my 10 year old first born.

Shirley was particularly close to her aunty Brenda, who sadly passed away earlier this year due to ovarian cancer. She had never had a check up in her life, despite bearing 4 sons.

Some early history first would be good, here it is and I do remember it WELL.

Every year, from the childrens infancy, we would make the long journey from Salisbury to my in laws Angora goat farm not far from East London. First. We would travel by, wait for it, steam train most of the way, through the Rhodesian countryside, through the Karoo as far as Alice Springs in the Cape, where we would unload 3 tots, all our bedding and a camp cot in order to catch the connecting train which would take us to East London. We spent 3 nights and 2 days on the train. The youngest "kid" was 9 months old and spend most of the journey in her camp cot which was assembled and put onto the top bunk. Quite safe and well wedged in. When she was not in the cot she was crawling around the floor. You know how clean trains are? So you get some kind of picture of what they looked like most of the time. It was pointless changing clothes so I would give them a splash in the tiny compartment sink, put clean under clothes on and over this the sooty overall would go.

For many years after that my sister in law laughed at the memory of picking us up and the only white part of them were there eyes!

Years went by and Shirley dearly wanted to be like her aunt, whose first vocation in life had been nursing before she married a farmer.

So from standard 7 upward all her school reports were sent to Greys Training Hospital, the best training hospital in Natal. She was accepted in her matric year. For the Christmas of her matric year we even bought her a fob watch used by nurses. That is how close she realised her dream. She never got there though, and just maybe I know why.

What she wanted to do and who she was meant to be were two different things entirely.

One day I went through my candid camera photos and found THE ABOVE PICTURE.

Now does this look like an aspiring nurse to you? nooooooo, that is a very eeuuww expression I see on her face. She is helping her Aunt stitich the leg of a R3 000 ram. Notice she cannot even look at it!

Today? Shirley is in a happy marriage and home schools her two daughters. Who woulda thought?

I learned two things from this story, firstly, it may take many years before we fall into the roll God planned for our lives. It does not mean that we cannot dream and plan, for that is a good thing, we must be prepared in our hearts and minds that when we are at the threshold of our dreams and goals, we may discover that it was for the wrong reasons we wanted what we wanted in the first place.

Secondly, Never neglect your body, for it is the temple of God and is given to us to take care of. Have your checkups when you should, many lives are saved by doing this and too many lose their lives too soon as Shirley's aunt did by thinking that nothing would happen to her.

Happy dreaming!

GO WELL, BOKKIE

2010-08-06T02:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon, we lost our beloved Bokkie.

She was sitting on top of the window rail and simply dropped like a rock, hitting her head on the way down.

A light went out for us, our ray of sunshine. Our funny, lovable, territorial, and often bad tempered little parrot was dead.

The four eggs she had laid, see 2nd last blog, still in the soup bowl.

Andy, my husband came to me (I was working downstairs) with tears in his eyes and said "we will have to bury Bokkie". But I had shared my toast with her only that morning, she was on the eggs not two hours prior to this, it was not possible.

Whether she had a heart attack we will never know, but all we have left of her now are these feathers and we have kept 1 egg.

I will save slowly for another parakeet, as they are wonderful pets to have, but it will be a while to do that, and although we cannot ever replace Bokkie and her strange little ways that always made us laugh so, hopefully we will find joy one day sharing our lives with another little creature such as she.

We so missed the morning routine this morning.

PRESSIES, BALLOONS, SWEETS AND GAMES

2010-08-04T05:08:00.000-07:00

128. Yes, that is the official number of birthdays my children have had, combined that is, and the number of parties I have prepared, baked for and games I have organised during my childrens' growing up years. The tot in the picture above is Lisa, my third and youngest daughter on her 1st birthday in Salisbury, Rhodesia as it was known then.
Lisa sent me photos of HER daughter Natalia's 7th birthday party. They look as though they are well pleased with their efforts, don't they, lets look at a couple more...

Here is the cake, all about the sea and mermaids. Did you make this Lisa?
Here is the table all set to catch the eyes of excited children who are drawn to sparkling and edible things!

All these photos stirred my memory and she dragged me with her long fingers once again, out of my comfortable place in front the the computer and took me on a journey back into the past to another lifetime that seems so long ago and yet at the same time only yesterday.

Dad is appointed the job of blowing up the balloons, fathers are very good at this I discovered as they are normally full of hot air! (joke) Couldn't resist that one, sorry!

The little celebrity has chosen her cake from the "book of children's birthday cakes" and with my sleeves rolled up I attack it and pray that it will turn out to look just a little like the one in the photo. I always took a photo of the cakes, and look at them now and can't help but marvel at my genius! (another joke).

GAMES. Oh dear. What an exhausting task. We had pin the tail on the donkey, oranges and lemons, blind mans buff, musical chairs (a favourite always), ring 'o roses, this was grans favourite, she participated in all the games and kept order as well. The girls would wait for her to come and then they would all run out and leap on her at once! Many years later Brian did the same thing but I bet she was glad there was only one then!

THE MOMS mmmmmmmmmm. They had to be there as the children were very young.

THE DADS - well, no surprises there, they were all out the back with their beers and talking about their jobs, some things don't change.

Their dad was in the police force and all the children were the offspring of policemen, it was a very close community, were a clan to be sure. We did Moses and the children of Israel proud back then!

AT LAST it was 5pm and everyone started drifting of. There were always some die hards who would stay half the night, but that seemed to be the way of things in Rhodesia. Lunch braais would end at midnight after everyone had eaten every morsel of food that was left, danced all night to 60's and 70's music....it was great!!!

I took my little tribe of sticky, dirty and tired little girls to bath them. And the the best part. After they got their second wind and we were all on our own, they went through the presents one by one again, examining them all more closely, any new books, always a hit, would be the bedtime story for that night.

And as another party came to an end, I inspected the 'damage' to the house, but those were the times when I reflected back on the day, and the happiness many little children had had, and it lightened the chore by far!!!

BOKKIE HAS 4 EGGS IN THE SOUP DISH!!!

2010-07-12T02:39:00.000-07:00

It is that time of the year again! The parrot above is not our Bokkie. Bokkie (who has featured in this space before under pets) our bokkie - I need you to use your imagination here, is bright yellow, has a very long tail, a ring around her neck and her beak is, apart from being extremely sharp, bright yellow, and her claws are the longest I have ever seen. We cut her nails twice a year.

She dominates our little flat and thinks we are hers to command. Unfortunately we have made a rod for our own backs and she does command us!

Once a year she lays 4 perfect little white eggs. It takes her a week to finish this exercise. Before the first one is laid, there are signs, and we know that we are in for a month of trying to protect our wooden furniture as, for some reason - anything wooden must be chewed to shreds. So everything is covered or taped down. However, there is none as stubborn as a parrot who is on a mission and I am left to repair some handles of an old chest of drawers I have!

She also chews her calcium block often, particularly at night. I think she does this to keep us awake, not only to harden the shells of her perfect eggs!

The last egg was laid last night - and now that they are all laid for the season, she will sit on them, not, we have noticed, before then. She has a special soup bowl, burgundy in colour and just the right shape that we use every year, and for one month we have relative peace as she tends these eggs and lovingly enfolds them with her wings. After a month, because they have not been fertilized, her instinct is to give up on them and one by one she puts them into her food bowl for us to throw away.

Last year she only nursed 3 eggs because she was sitting on the curtain rail when she laid the first of her 4 eggs and it came to a messy and untimely end on the tray of her stand, she has no cage, and probably no clue of gravity!

I have been encouraged to let a man into her life so that she will have the opportunity of caring for young and not only eggs. There are a number of reasons I have not done this. It would mean parting with her, something she is not used to, or bringing in a male which she may not like, into her space. There is also the problem that I have no idea as to the mating habits of parrots or when she would need to be with her man.

The noise would probably be unbearable as she herself can be heard throughout our complex which is vast. So I still have not come to any decision on that one but am leaning towards just leaving things as they are and letting her have the pleasure of coddling her eggs for a month and be done with it. No decision was made this year.

However, I will buy a book on the mating habits of parrots and see if it is even possible that she would accept a man as her life is so cushy. She may not want all the complications a man would bring into her life after all!

If anyone has any comments on my dilemma, I would be pleased to hear them.

As for Crunchie the tortouise, "He links my worlds" has once again gone into hibernation and I have not seen him for a month. I will let you know around October when he comes out from his "place" to rejoin the world of the animal kingdom!

May you all enjoy your pets as much as we do!

DRAGONS, TEARS AND GENTLE HEARTS

2010-07-09T10:07:00.000-07:00

"That is so sad," wept the small boy as tears ran down his cheeks, "sing it again."

So for the 3rd time that hour and almost every day for the past month, I picked up my guitar and launched into my rendition of "puff the magic dragon" - knowing it would bring distress once again to the small boy who was my son. But there was never any talking him out of it, he was adamant.

It was the last verse that did it. Tearfully my child told me how SAD (with great emphasis) that the little boy had grown up and the dragon had lost his best friend, as he did not need the little boy any more in his dreams. How the dragon must have missed his friend.

My small son had learned of loss, and he had learned to feel someone else's pain.

I knew then with my mothers heart that he would have his heart broken many times in his lifetime, and I would not be able to protect him against it. He was on his own. And he grew into a sensitive young man who asked for little but hurt much.

And I watched as the years went by as his gentle heart often bled for others, and for animals who were mistreated and, even insects that were stomped on. My eldest daughter, Shirley, invented "pet heaven" and to lessen the pain, that is where all our pets went. That helped. It even helped me sometimes with our make believe "pet heaven"!

I thought back to a story I told entitled "It's in the eyes" - where I observed that the eyes were truly the windows to the soul, and when looking into the eyes of pictures of my 4 children, I could see there the people they would become. And they became those people.

Now I remember personalities of little children before they learned to bluff, but were natural and knew to be no other way but themselves. I realised that in my humaness God was giving me a head start!

I knew who my children were going to be from their earliest days.

I just needed to pay attention.

AND THEN ALONG CAME NATHAN

2010-06-28T05:18:00.000-07:00

My 7th grandchild and 2nd grandson came into the world at 3pm on Tuesday 15th June, 2010, weighing 3,5kgs, with a yell measuring 10 on the richter scale. (what a beautiful sound it was) I know this because Kerry, my second daughter and one of Nathan's aunts was ready and waiting to take photos (see above) and record the yells within 15 minutes of his birth with her phone! She played it for me over the phone I LOVE technology! He gave his mother a very long and hard run for her money, poor girl, nothing was as she had planned it and he was born by c section after 36 hours of labour. You in a hurry to do that again Louiza?! However, we have a good God and we have been so designed as mothers to quickly forget the bad and instantly love the little bundles that we are blessed with. Brian, my son and Nathan's dad could not take his eyes off him and I will always remember the pride in his voice when all he could say to me on the phone was "he's beautiful mom!"

Kerry was with them for both days and Brian was very grateful as he really needed the support when Louisa cried in pain and he was powerless to do anything about it.

They took him away and cleaned him up, and is he not gorgeous?

I scratched through my many many photos and found these of Nathan's dad. He was 3 days old in the top one. The second one is proud dad celebrating with his gran at 3am. You look great for 3am mom, I just love this picture!

Before Brian was born, I remember telling my gynae that I wanted an epidural. I wanted no part of an a la naturale birth. "No" came the reply, "this is your 4th so you should be an old hand at this." "I know" I said "that is exactly why I want an epidural! Didn't get it, I was cured, he was the last especially when I discovered that babies of the 80's did not come with volume controls and on/off buttons!

And the last picture? After work one day with food to prepare for the rest of the family, (this was the best part of have a late lamb) there was always someone who wanted to get to know him. In this case he is getting to know dad.

Brian and Louiza, may Nathan bring you many years of joy, it is humbling to know that this special child was given to you to take care of in every way, it is the most important job you will ever have.

It is awesome.

FATHERS DAY Hmmmmmmm....

2010-06-08T03:11:00.000-07:00

Fathers day. There are 3 men who come to my mind.

I am 58 and am the owner of no less than 3 fathers. But I want you to see them as I do.

The first, which would be my PATERNAL father and not photogrphed here, was mostly an "idea" to my young mind. In fact he was an atrocious womanising man who had no qualms when it came to signing me away when I was 3 years old, once he discovered he would not have to pay my mom child support if I was someone else's kid. I met him once when I became an adult and felt no bond whatsoever with this man or my half brothers and sister. In fact, I decided my mom had been lucky to dodge THAT bullet. I had always wanted to satisfy myself though as to where some of my attributes had come from.

My mom married the man who was to become my ADOPTIVE father, and he is photographed above, younger than he is now! He is with my son Brian when he was a toddler. This man never treated me any different to the 2 daughters he and my mom had' 5 and 7 years after me. Not that I noticed anyway. He always seemed fair and I was secure. Thats a medal right there! I say this as I was really not an easy child to raise, and was way ahead of my time in imagination and doing that which was wrong and frowned upon. It guaranteed me a place in the minds of the residents of Thornhill's Airforce Married Quaters in Gwelo, Rhodesia for decades after I grew up (I kid you not).

He cared when I got low grades, brought home undesirable boyfriends, our constants fights about fashion "should it be below the knee or or below the pants", my plastered on make up and long fringe - it was the sixties after all - magical time for me that was.

He also gave me away on my wedding day to the man I was with for more than 30 years.

As happens in life, my mom and dad had problems of their own which manifested over time, and my mom married again, by this time I had 2 of my 4 children.

Above you will see my STEPFATHER with my mom. He was the one who became the grandfather to my 4 children and my sisters 2 children, and, how lucky can a man get, the greatgrandfather to my 7 grandchildren. He passed with flying colours! My children adore him and especially Tessni, JP, and Shanni (who call him grandpa too!) see them often as they live near one another. He has made them wooden puzzles which fascinate them, apart from having made desks and other things for my children before them.

I have known him almost as long as I knew my adoptive father as he too was in the Rhodesian Air Force and lived over the road from us at Thornhill's Married Quarters.

Now, fathers's day is upon us again, and it is time for me to reflect upon what these men have meant to me in my lifetime.

Who do you think are in my heart on this day? I will give you a hint.

It is not my PATERNAL father.

Take a bow Dad and Chris, for me, blood has not been thicker than water, you are to me what my own father never wanted to be.

SOCCER FEVAH!!!!!!!!

2010-06-03T04:42:00.000-07:00

Personally, rugby is my game, but when I walk through the streets of South Beach, I cannot help but be bitten by the soccer bug. People are joyful, laughing, their arms are flung around one another and there is a sense of goodwill among men out there. This would not be the first time that sport has brought a nation together.

I walk along the pavements the find pictures of large orange footballs stuck to the sidewalks and wonder where they lead! Out of nowhere we have huge green and white busses on the streets with "people mover" written in bold black lettering on the side. They are everywhere.

The pavements that were being being dug up as part of the improvement to Durban's South Beach area have miraculously mended and we no longer trip over uneven pavements.

Wherever I look I see flags of all nations blowing in the wind, taxis and private vehicles are proudly displaying the South African flag, and rear view mirrors are covered in the flag colours too.

There is so much suffering and hardship in our third world countries, that my heart lifts when I see so many people of so many races and cultures all striving for the same thing, to unite in a common cause, and I do not care who wins or loses, but our efforts to get there TOGETHER and all the joy it has brought to millions of people around the world would have made all the hard work that has gone into this world cup very well worth while.

So yes, today, I have SOCCER FEVAH!!!!!

THE TOOTH MOUSE IS COMING TO GET YOU!!!

2010-05-20T05:30:00.000-07:00

My daughter Lisa, in Cape Town, sent me this picture of her daughter, Natalia, who is 6 and has started losing her teeth! Here she is even modeling them.

It reminded me of an incident that took place when my son Brian, all grown up now, was about 4 years old.

"Gran's here" the youngest of the gang yells as he glances through the window at the sound of a car coming up our driveway. We lived in Roodepoort at the time on a gold mine.

As was normal, gran had to listen to all 4 speaking at once and responding appropriately - it is a form of self defence mothers and grandmothers learn early.

Tea and biscuits were brought as was the norm, after which the children all drifted off in different directions.

Mom says to me conspiratorally "I have a present for Brian, I could not resist buying it". My mom LOVED giving the children little gifts, it was as exciting for her as it was for the children.

He was called, and ran up to us and Gran says "LOOK what I have got for YOU!" Delighted and expectant faces were mine to witness! A very puzzled look overtook Brian's as he inspected the small box gran had given him to inspect. It had a picture of a mouse on it - I could see him think "sorry gran, you got me now".

"IT IS FOR YOUR TEETH WHEN THEY START FALLING OUT!" declares gran "Isn't it too sweet? So the mouse will know where to find your teeth and he will take the tooth leaving you some money for it!"

Brian looked stricken.

His eyes had grown twice their size - he is speechless and does not thank gran for her gift. Gran looks a little deflated. She loves the children's faces when she gives them things, not happening this time.

I don't know what just happened.

For a week Brian was on the quiet side, he would ask to look at his mouse box a few times, would examine it closely and return it to me. He never wanted to keep it.

Then one day he looked at me and asked "mommy, when all my teeth fall out, I won't be able to chew, and the box is too SMALL for all my teeth!"

NOW I know what happened. Of all the children I know, and there are many, can I have the ONLY one who thinks all his teeth will fall out at once! No WONDER he looked stricken when given the box, it explained his anxiety attack that lasted a week!

I explained how it all happened, and he was very relieved, his worried little eyes cleared with relief and I had my little boy back!

Misunderstandings between parents and children? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!

Thank you Lisa for bringing back the memory, and Brian still has the "mouse box" - just explain to your son, Brian, that teeth only fall out one at a time!

HE WAS THE FATHER OF MY CHILDREN

2010-05-18T03:38:00.000-07:00

Never take for granted those you love. Life is fragile. Tell your loved ones every single day that you love them. It may be the last chance you get.

Norman was my first husband and best friend, my soul mate and the father of our 4 lovely children, and grandfather to 6, almost 7 grandchildren. He was tragically killed in a head on collision with another vehicle in bad weather conditions. He was probably the most careful driver we knew. He is mourned and will be missed by many.

Norman was a 3rd generation policeman and he fought valiantly in the Rhodesian war for the things he believed in.

He was the "major dad" of dads to his children. He earned this nick name as no job was "only for boys" and his daughters mowed the lawn and put up tents. These memories will forever be with them.

He was always active in the service of giving, a child of God and we have peace in our hearts knowing that he ran the race well and is with his maker who is well and truly pleased with him.

He left a rich legacy which will be carried on through his son and his unborn grandson.

Thank you for our time together, for the children who are such a blessing.

Your work here was done.

THE LOST CHILDREN

2010-04-27T03:45:00.000-07:00

As a very young child I remember wanting to save the world. So I started with the bugs in the garden. I Was sure that they could not possibly be happy out in the cold and rain and that I was doing them a favour by bringing them inside in boxes and bottles. Spiders, ants and chameleons, anything that crawled. My mother was long suffering.

As I grew into my teens my passion turned to children, abused or neglected children. I did not have a plan, but a plan came into fruition as the years went by.

I married, and still had my passion, which was to show less fortunate children that there is a better life out there and to love them. My husband and I went to Nazareth House in Salisbury, Rhodesia and spoke to them. They had children who could be taken out by families for weekends. Our first experience in foster care was an 18 month old toddler, Shirley Ann. The fact that my eldest daughter's name is Shirley-Ann is purely coincidental, she had her name before we met Shirley Ann from Nazareth House. I do not have a photo of her but can tell you a bit about her.

There was a company which let out baby furniture, so we organised for a cot to be delivered to our flat on Friday afternoons and for it to be collected on Monday mornings.

We would collect Shirley Ann on Friday after work, when we arrived they were eating their supper, we then whisked her off. This set the pattern for many months. Her parents were drug adicts and alcoholics and her mother made contact with the child once in six months. As long as parents did that the child could not be adopted. Crazy hey.

She had been badly neglected and was very withdrawn. She also had a little brother Darren who was a year older than she was, and he was eventually taken out by a life long friend of mine, Veronica. We decided after some time that it would be better if they were together so Veronica and her husband took them both and kept on doing so for a very long time. But, as often happens, once the parents or parent knows that someone else is interested in their child, THEY start showing interest and demand that the child goes to them for some weekends. This confused the two so much Veronica stopped taking them out so that the mother could step in. I think of them often as they are in their 40's now -wow, and I hope that they had good lives, and happy lives. That is all we can hope for.
We went back to Nazareth House and asked if there were any other children needing a weekend home. Above you see Jenny and Darryl in trousers I made for them so that they would have things that could stay with us. They were 3 and 4 when they came to us. Jenny was a fiesty little thing, asking questions and very inquisitive. Darryl was destined to become a rag and bone man as he could always be found rummaging around in the rubbish dump behind the flats and brings in "treasures" of other peoples discarded junk and eventually had a box full of his prizes which we were to watch over during the week!

We then had children of our own, and anyone following my blogs will know just how demanding they all were and with the situation in the country being as it was, I was basically raising them on my own, so for a number of years we did not foster any other children.

We came to South Africa when they were small and once again my mind turned to foster care.

This time it was not weekends that we took children but we applied to be Place of Safety parents for children who have to be immediately removed. The social worker would telephone me and ask if we could take a child within the next 2 or so hours. These children would stay with us for up to 6 months when they were permanently fostered by a family, adopted or returned to rehabilitated parents.

Above you see Charlie, a little french boy who was 2 year old, with Shirley left, then Kerry, and Lisa on the other side of him. She was 4 and very jealous as she was the baby and now she had competition, this did not please Lisa, but she always came up with ways to get rid of poor Charlie! I heard the kitchen door slam one day and a scream from outside. Lisa was in the kitchen, door closed. "I told him to go home" she said. Well, that was new, taking in children when we had our own children who had no idea why we were doing this!

Within 6 months Charlie's mother had started to visit him on weekends, evidently rehabilitated herself and Charlie was returned to her. A week after he was gone we were watching Police File when a picture came on the screen of Charlie's mother and father. They were wanted by police for stealing a caravan and they were thought to be in Zimbabwe! We wondered why she had suddenly become this "super mom" , all was made clear! Charlie is in his 30's now.

We decided to go back to weekend foster care as we did not want any of the girls throwing these children out in the street behind our backs, so when Shirley was 8, Alice came to us. She was 9 and a delightful child with a very confusing family life. We loved having Alice and she and Shirley got on very well right from the start. She started to come to us for school holidays too and often came with on holiday,in the pic above we were camping on the Eastern Cape coast close to Port Alfred.

The story gets more complicated however, as within 2 weeks a social worker telephoned us with a place of safety child.

Matthew was the 3rd of 4 brothers all very close in age, Scots immigrant family. His mother had walked out on all of them and his father could not cope with the two youngest, so they were to be removed immediately. He was 2 and I could not say no. They brought him, with his father, who seemed as distraught as the child but as time went by never came to see him again. He had a few clothes in a black bag. Our church friends all rallied round and donated clothing for him. He still wore nappies at night, I had 2 in the bag and no pin, so they all saw to that, they truly saved the day.

He was adorable. But he was our biggest challenge.

He could not speak when he came to us but within a month we could not stop him from speaking, he was like a wind up toy with no off button.

We became very fond of Matthew and when it was time to find him permanent foster care, we applied to be his permanent foster parents. The girls fought with him no more than they fought with one another but they never told him to go home! In fact when the issue of his going to a foster home came up they all begged if he could stay.

We actually had to apply to foster him. We were "accepted". Dumb rule, we had taken care of him for 9 months by this time.

He stayed with us until he left high school. Brian, my son, was born when he was 5 years old. They were always brothers to one another, even to this day. Matthew is 28 and has a baby girl. Brian sees Matthew and his brothers often.

He was a very difficult child to raise and it often became hard. He was returned to his mother when he was 11 but she brought him back to us because she could cope with him, so with us he stayed. He was clever and successful. He is still connected to the family and I know that now he is happy.

What I would do differently? Make sure that I had the FULL support of my husband and children, because at the end of the day they were living MY dream, it was never anything they chose for themselves.

I thank them all from the bottom of my heart for letting me realise my dream of helping the lost children.

MY TWO FAMILIES....MY TWO LIFE EXPERIENCES

2010-04-22T06:35:00.000-07:00

I have written much of my daughters and my experiences mothering these imps throughout the years, what was often stressful and horrifying then is, in retrospect funny and the memories bring a smile to my face. I even laugh at times when recalling something which could have been brought back to mind by a song, smell, or picture.

I also have an only child.

God has a sense of humour - I know this, actually, He must have a terrific sense of humour! My only child crept up on me, and what a wonderful gift from God. As I was watching my daughters grow up, become independent and slowly move away from me, I was blessed with a boy child, and what I difference I found there to be between girls and boys! Brian was like 3 children rolled into one and anyone who has a bunch of them deserves a medal! This one child had me running as fast as the girls did - or it could be that I was older and not used to it anymore??

THEIR life experiences have been very different, and mine with them as well.

A bushel of children need to learn pretty young certain rules. In the girls case and during a war, they had to learn to obey without arguing, it could save their lives. Obedience in certain situations were deal breakers. Next, if we were to go out as a family for a meal they had to learn to sit through it so that everyone could enjoy the meal and the company. I was once told that I was too strict on them and told our host that if I was not strict we would not have been able to enjoy one another's company as we just had'

For Brian, his life was very different. He learned many thing from his older sisters, they definitely contributed to his knowledge of how the world works. Without realising it they taught him CONTROL. As soon as this baby cried he had 3 willing sisters in a race to get to him first. ADORATION. He had 3 playmates and someone was always at hand to relieve his boredom, boredom just wasn't on his radar.

The girls grew into beauties (we all have them hey?) and as usually happens, boys appeared, hundreds of them traipsing through the house, drinking all the coffee and guess what that meant for Brian - more people to play with his lego with him, his cars with him and some used to come to take him to the skateboard track.

But one day, he realised that he was not the adored baby brother any longer with undivided attention, at least not since all the boys had arrived. He knew he had POWER over people and became DEMANDING to the point that his sisters, when they wanted privacy with their friends had to PAY HIM OFF to get him out from behind the couch and spying on them, or worse still, joining in the conversation. You see, they had taught him EXTORTION.

Soon I had complaints from the sisters, I had spoiled him, they had never been allowed to do THAT, he ALWAYS got his own way etc etc. (who was it did the spoiling?) Yes, I did spoil him a bit, everything about his life and theirs was different. He stayed in our bed for a year to make feeding easier. Imagine 3 babies in my bed all groping my boobs, like a litter of kittens! GOOD GRIEF.

Not long after I weaned him I discovered that he had a fraction in his blood missing without which he would have surely died as a newborn had I formula fed him. The fraction that was missing was gammaglobulin and the only things that would boost his weak immune system came from breast milk or gammaglobulin injections. He was in hospital weeks after me weaning him and this set the pattern for his pre-school years.

He was and is fearless. Something else that was a cause of great concern. Pain is a sign of something being wrong, we all know that, but his pain threshhold was very high and nearly got me into a whole heap of trouble once. When he was 2 and a half he rolled off our low bed, and the screams of pain took me quite aback. I took him to the doctor who, after ascertaining that he could not lift his right arm, ordered xrays. Upon their return the doctor inspected them, and looking at me over his glassed asked"when did he break his colar bone" "He didn't" I replied. But upon inspecting the xray, even I could see the truth of it. "This break is 2 weeks old, it is already mending" he said. He filled in a form and gave it to me, "what is this?" I asked, "body xrays" came the blunt reply. HE THINKS I ABUSE MY CHILD my thoughts screamed at me. I was mortified. There was no other damage of course and the doctor said it was procedure. But it was then that we discovered that when Brian was sick, he was probably very VERY sick. By the age of 2 and a half he had broken his nose twice, colar bone once, at 6 his arm by falling from the top of a tree, and acquired 7 stitches by diving into a swimming pool wall. He never seemed to feel the injections, LOVED to watch in fact (morbid child). He was also swimming in the deepend of the pool with the men at the age of 3, not fear of water, he just used to jump in and basically taught himself!

Now, today, the girls are still close, but they all married and have children of their own, they do not know their brother as only mothers know each of her children. Brian does not know all his sisters.

His teen years were not as happy as his sisters, but I always believed in him and knew what he was capable of. Believe in your children, be their champion because if you have a good relationship with them they will not want to let you down so they will work hard for your approval. I am glad I did, and he did not disappoint me.

I weep as my late lamb stands on the threshold of parenthood himself. His baby boy is due any day. You deserve this joy Brian.

I believe that you can do this too.

DOUBLE TROUBLE AND LIFE MADE EASIER

2010-04-12T05:20:00.000-07:00

"I am NEVER going shopping with you again!"

This from my loving mother and loving grandmother to her, at that time, 3 grandchildren. I did feel her pain, I really did, she probably thought that she had left all that behind only to find the whole circle start again when she became the owner of grandchildren!

I, on the other hand, felt like some company with someone who could speak properly and hold a knife and fork. This was going to be a fun mother/grandmother/granddaughters day out. What FUN!! No, it wasn't my imagination, my dear mom DID change colour there for a moment.!

SO...(mothers are patient and long suffering you know, so if I ever doubted it, it was at moments like these that all doubt was put aside, she knew what was coming, I was only a rookie).

We loaded all the kids up in the car. Kerry and Shirley in car seats - the seats of the day simply clipped over the back of the seat, Lisa in the pram, a large highly sprung pram, very grand but not very practical.

Kerry always tried to reach down with her legs to see if she would be able to stamp on Lisa. I would put the hood up and all the way to town Kerry would rhythmically bump her feet up and down on the pram hood, but at least Lisa would stay in once piece.

Trying to have a conversation with mom was nigh impossible as children have this antenai that hears what they shouldn't and does not hear what they should. When adults are on the phone for example, they are all counting teeth as we try and concentrate on our conversation and chase them away at the same time. In this case the moment I drew breath to speak, that was the signal to do whatever they could to be heard over us. It is the signal to kick the hood harder, someone would drop a bottle and shriek for its retrieval and the one in the pram to schreech in fear for this abominably noisy and disorganised world she has been born into. The performance is worthy of an Oscar nomination. No wonder Lisa copes so well with turmoil today!

We then find a parking lot, no parkades, those only came later when I was not in great need of them anymore. Alighting from a vehicle parked in a parking space is hazadous as children run blindly into the road, never for the pavement.

We get Shirley into her harness - yes, I know, dogs also use them, I was told often enough, with disapproving looks. Tied her to the pram, harnessed Kerry in the pushchair (don't say anything), my mom pushed them and I pushed Lisa in her huge hughly sprung pram once I had eased it out of the back seat without tearing the upholstery. It was a good quality pram because Kerry never did manage to mangle the hood and Lisa remained unscathed.

Mom and I looked at one another with loaded looks that said "whose idea was this". We go from shop to shop with our loud and demanding little enterage until the whole fun expedition becomes too much for all of us, we cut the shopping short (a common practice in those days) unloaded the car, put our little hells angels to sleep and sat down for a much needed cup of tea and, yes, a proper visit!.

A few days later, mom arrived at the door, she had with her a present for me. "I am never going shopping with you again - not ever, but this will make it easier for you!" It was a twin pushchair, seen above - she never had to come shopping with me again after that and we visited in the comfort of home, the best place to be with toddlers where they are happier anyway. They only enjoyed shopping many years later with me and my purse in tow!

I used the twin pram for 4 years. I became expert at pushing both prams an once without them colliding. In the photo Lisa (left) was 18 months and Kerry (right) was 2 and a half.

I gave the pram to a mother of 10 month old twin boys when we left the country, so it was put to very very good use.

To moms who have been there!

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS

2010-04-06T05:01:00.000-07:00

1.
I walk down the street.
there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in
I am lost...I am helpless
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It takes a long time to get out.

3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit.
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault
I get out immediately.

4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

5
I walk down another street.

by Portia Nelson

PORTRAIT OF MY MOTHER

2010-03-02T04:27:00.000-08:00

"Gay, if I had known you were going to put THAT photo on your blog, I would have fixed my hair!" or "I look so OLD", Old? I ask myself, No mom, a work of art.

In that face I see a wonderful tapestry of a life lived to it's fullest - I see sunshine, rain falling, a breaking heart, a lifetime overflowing with memories of young and grown children. A grandmother to 6 grandchildren, almost 7 great grandchildren.

A loving, caring soul, involved in a multitude of things, a young mind. A tapestry I have the priviledge of being woven into and have known for 58 years. Unstoppable love for her children, she has passed on her wisdom and values to me, in turn I have passed them onto my children and they have passed them onto their children. This wise soul has helped shaped 3 generations of descendants. She has a brain full of information, even, in her own words "useless information!" (not so useless at times). I would love to pick that brain and find out what it was like for her to be a 6 year old girl at the outbreak of World War 2.

I wish I had appreciated her more. My understanding of what she as a mother was up against, what she feared for her children, only came to me years later when I became a mother. I am still learning to understand as she has a 19 year start on me! I never realised what a strong person she was until after the fact, there was nothing she could not fix.

When I was 5 months pregnant with my first child, now the mother of 2 young daughters herself, I clearly remember mom studying me for a long time, then with sternnes in her voice said "If you do not give that baby a proper routine, I shall take it away from you" In mom's eyes I suppose I was a child havining a child! I only understood how she felt many years later when that same baby had her first baby! I wondered if she would know what to do with it, what it would need and if they would have the stamina for all that would be asked of her as a mom.

Well, God in his wisdom has instilled a wonderful instinct in girl babies which lies dormant and kicks in wonderfully when they need it!

So mom, my beautiful work of art, I have printed, at the top, a lovely photo of you taken some years ago, your hair is just fine and you glow!

Beauty truly is on the inside, outer beauty is but a fleeting thing, but within, the mind, the heart and the soul, thats what counts!

ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?

2010-02-11T01:46:00.000-08:00

There is something different about this morning.

I lay awake and look around me - ah, thats it! There is a MAN in my bed!

Yes, would you believe it was one of those rare occasions in our home when dad lay down his weapons of war, gave up the ration packs and made his way home for leave!

He was probably curious to know how many additions there were to the family since he was last home - (joking, almost).

Well girl, no more doing your own thing in your own time, go bring some boring order to this home!

I jump out of bed (ha ha), but the kettle on, make up bottles and feeding cups, change nappies, we then all pile back into the double bed, toddlers and Caesar the dog too who demanded full family rights. They are in high spirits "look how far my tea can go if I shake my bottle\cup" I can hear them say, the memory is very vivid and messy.

Once the frivolity dies down a bit, I get every one up, dressed, fed and watered and deposit them amongst their toys in the lounge. Then sort myself out, tidy up as best I can, then - nothing.

No! hey! Dad is back, lets do some fun family thing like, my favourite as it kept the mess outside, A PICNIC.

Did I just see dad's eyes glaze over? I pretend not to notice and press on. We start to put together a picnic basket, must take the kettle too for more tea (think the tea thing came from my mom, tea first, everything else later.)

Right, we can go, but dad starts work at 2.00pm, after all being on leave meant they went back to their normal jobs. He was a policeman - so what's the difference you may wonder, the difference was that he came home more often.

Back to the picnic. We set off to the safety of a nearby dam where we unpack. First things first, I put the kettle on (did you get that mom?). The girls were positively gleeful when they saw all that mucky sand and dirt! As I remember it, Kerry walked into the kettle spilling its contents despite the fact that there was miles of open space to play in. I even have the photo. Lisa tried to climb the tree just beyond the kettle and I find it fascinating how small children just tramp on each other to reach their destination. Needless to say that little charade ended up with both in tears, me getting them back on their feet, dusting the leaves and sand of them, placating them with "shhhh it's all over, better now hmmm? they turn accusing eyes and black streaked faces to me as if to say "and you would know how?" Shirley wandered off collecting odds and ends for the interest table at nursery school - "follow her" I shriek at my happy outdoorsy husband who was trying to blend into the undergrowth. I still had not sat down.

Pictures!! We must take pictures to look at in years to come so that we can remember how very much we all enjoyed out family outing! I position my husband on a rock (above) and instruct him to hold them all and NOT let one roll off. I have the photo but it was taken at a distance so all that can be seen is a man on a huge rock gripping 3 squirming children for dear life - fortunately we cannot see his expression.

Well, that enjoyable outing over, and I am reminded that work starts at 2pm, my husband packed the car in double quick time, caught each child as it attempted to play "catch me if you can" to shrieks to laughter. Whew, when will I be able to SIT.

Once home, in a blur of speed, dad cleaned up, doned his uniform and bade us each a fond farewell, then got out of there before I came up with some other ideas about family bonding!

I then dragged my 3 dirty, tired, irritable children off to the bathroom where they were scrubbed from head to foot. Lisa is in the foreground with her "lets support Rhodesia" T shirt on, her hair is still wet, and the other two? looks to me as though they are shredding my plants. Don't care, I get a chair and sit.

And enjoy another cup of tea!

REUNION!!!!

2010-01-30T08:13:00.000-08:00

top left : Lisa, gran and Kerry
bottom photo: top, JP, Natalia, Tessni Bottom row: Brian and Louisa, Lisa, Kerry holding Shanni
Johan, Kerry's husband

The family missing is Shirley, Trevor, Vicky and Jessie, who live in Cape Town

From the time my children were very young I tried to instil in them a strong bond for one another. So often we grow up, marry, leave home, leaving too all the memories we had of our siblings during school days, dating, - we fought and loved together too.

Then guess what, we marry and do not see one another for another 25 years! We have no idea what kind of lives our sibilings have, the traumas they have had to face, knowing their children as they grew, and the closeness is gone from us and they have become cleaved (as it should be) to someone else and formed a new family with its own identity.

I hardly know my sister Ann in England other than what our mom tells me (thank goodness for her), she has no children but married recently to a wonderful man, and he must be wonderful if he has made her happy! A very picky young child she was and I guess she stayed that way!

Then there is Colleen, a little younger. I had more contact with her and did know her children for some time. But we visited one another mainly as we were the only 2 in the family who presented our mom with her only 2 grandsons within 5 months of one another! Colleen is now in Dubai as her husband is an engineer, and they have moved around the world most of their married lives. If it were not for MOM, I really wonder whether we would even by in touch today. Very, very sad, as we are blood and family is very important. There was a large age difference between myself and Ann and Colleen. I was in class 1 when Ann was born and they had this kind of click which did not include me, I felt it was my right to tease and torment them, especially Ann. I was the BOSS. When I married they were both in school still speaking their secret language, and when I had my first child, Shirley, they were STILL in school. So you see, they were close and still are, and I kind of float around out in space trying to remember them as we grew up! In my minds eye I see (don't laugh) myself and my mom in a bubble, Ann and Colleen and mom in another bubble, and a large bubble encompassing all of us. How strange the mind is.

I am sorry that we did not keep up for all those years, but since the internet and emailing is now available, and my daughter in Middleeburg introduced me to it, I am getting to know them, I receive pics from them, news, it is wonderful, I feel a part of their lives, and there are no more clicks!

I partly succeeded with my children. They too live far from one another, with 2 in Cape Town and 2 in Middleburg, so there is still a close connection. The girls are very close in age which has helped, having 3 teenage daughters in the home at one time was harrowing. We had an endless stream of boys, the coffee, sugar and milk disappeared before my very eyes too.

Then Brian came along some 11 years later, he was a gentle and kindhearted little boy, he had many friends so there were sleepovers etc.

They grew up and yes, you guessed it, 2 married and started families with its own essence, and the sisters grew away to a certain degree from the others. Lisa, who is the mother of Natalia, was married for a short while, but is now an excellent single mom, Natalia started school last week. See my last post! Brian and Louisa are presenting me with my 7th grandchild.

Now, if you will take a look at the photos at the top of the post, you will see something that I will not forget for the rest of my life. Lisa made a huge effort, stretched her finances, and went to visit her sibilings and her grandmother whom she has not seen for 10 years. I was probably more excited than they all were! She and her gran have not seen one another for 10 years, so gran has never seen this great grandchild (Natalia). Kerry, she has not seen Kerry for 10 years either.

So, the last time Lisa saw Kerry (and there is only l year between them) was when Tessni was l year old, she is 11 now. So she does not know JP, and certainly not 17 month old Shanni. Kerry in her turn has only seen photos of Natalia.

Lisa and Brian were always close over the years and he was 14 the last time she saw him, and did not recognise this tall hairy man who was her little brother!

I hope they do not leave it for another 10 years, that would be very sad, but now that the ball has started rolling, my prayer for you all is that you all go that extra mile to share old memories, and I know you have plenty! and give the coursins a chance to know one another.

Well done Lisa, brave girl to travel from Cape Town to Middleburg with a child.

That's the spirit!

GIANT STEP INTO A NEW ERA

2010-01-13T05:06:00.000-08:00

Today was one of the biggest, most exciting milestones in my 6th granddaughter Natalia's young life.

She started BIG SCHOOL and was very excited, it was something new and it MUST be important as mom has spoken about how wonderful it will be for ages now. THEN there was that huge rush buying uniforms, including matching brooks, shoes and socks, and all that stationary. Can ANYTHING be more exciting then to embark on such an adventure when a girl is 6!

For mom.......she is devastated, her baby is taking a giant step into the world, and she has a lump in her throat the size of an apple, she is weepy and wonders if she will survive this ordeal. She did not sleep well the night before, tossing and turning, she wears dark glasses to hide the evidence of her ordeal.

Every minute of the day, until 12 noon her mind is nowhere else but in that classroom where she handed her child over to ANOTHER WOMAN. Will she understand her, be able to 'read' her as she herself can, will she have fun today and look forward to tomorrow or will mom have to drag her kicking and screaming? Each child reacts differently, every mom the same, with heavy hearts.

Natalia will be more tired than normal today as more is expected of her. This is not preschool where the rules are more flexible, but this is the first step into learning to integrate into society one day so that she may become a contributing citizen, and rounded adult.

However, I know ONE little girl who had it all figured out and had sized up the situation on her 1st day of school years before. I was called in by the teacher on THE FIRST DAY and was told that Lisa had thrown all her pencils, crayons and her sissors out of the window. She told us they 'fell out of the window'. Do you want to know what this imaginative 6 year old said when taken to task? "If I have no pencils or crayons, then I can't go back to school!"

Well, Natalia is a chip off the old block so I wonder how this day will end for her.

Lisa, I am feeling your anguish baby girl, but it gets better and can even be an exciting road for the 2 of you to travel along together, making plenty of memories along the way, so, take her by the hand and walk with her - you will be amazed at the blessings that come your way.

And it just keeps getting better.

MY WONDERFUL YEAR OF DISCOVERY

2010-01-05T01:58:00.000-08:00

Above : Brian born 11
years after his sisters

My precious daughters for whom life was hard.

It is almost a year now since that fateful day when Kerry, my daughter in Middleburg, introduced me to the world of blogging.

At the time I had no plan for its purpose other then as a means to keep abreast with what was happening in my offsprings lives and the lives of my grandchildren.

As time went by, it took on a life on its own and evolved into a series of short stories of my life, the lives of my children and the event that took place before my children were born, and durinig times when they were too young to remember. It has told them of what life was like for them in war torn Rhodesia. The funny, the sad and the melancholy things that were our lives.

They came to love these stories as time had blurred them in their young minds.

The stories always came to me, I never an agenda. A photo, a comment made, and there it was glimpse into the past. It promoted great interest in them in their heritage as 2nd generation Rhodesians. A country their father fought for, and one we all believed in.

I loved the crystal clear clarity as I travelled with them and had the prigiledge of taking them on that journey.

I recalled the immense support I received from my mom. we were travel partners is so many ways. She was there when Kerry fell off her toy cupboard and concussed herself. She was my strength is so many ways. Our menfolk were most often absent.

I am thankful that they were too small to remember to know that they were not living as freely or safely as many other children.

We could not travel on the roads without going in convoys, and they learnt from tots how to read the bush, noises of the bush were good, it meant there were no intruders in the countryside, silence was not good, and dad would drive with one had on his pistol, his eyes moving left and right, the childrens lives depended upon complete obedience without question, and when told to get on the floor, that is what they did, immediately. Their lives were harsh and disciplined for such small children,

We did the best we could to bring them joy, to laugh and teach them that there were always silver linings. They had parents who loved them and we loved them.

But, praise God, nothing lasts for ever, and there came a time when they were able to live as normal little girls.

My son knew better times, and it was a joy to be able to raise a child without fear.

I remarried when he was 10 and he spent his teen years with my self and my second husband, who never stood between us.

My journey has been full of discovery. I have found humour, lost joy, understanding, patience, insight and wisdom, and yes, step by tiny step I have found me and all I thought I had lost.

...FOR THE TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGING...

2009-12-29T04:10:00.000-08:00

I had to share these two photos with you. The first one is my mother holding Brian, my son when he was 4 days old.

The second, he is holding my mother 20 years later at the age of 24.

This is a beautiful illustration of how life changes, and who we become. Family is very importand. If you are blessed with a loving family, treasurer them and treat them well, caring for them and love them at all times, never taking them for granted.

I hope that my family does not think that I take them for granted, because I appreciate every little thing they do for me during these difficult times, and love them dearly for it.

CHRISTMAS FROM THE PAST

2009-12-22T06:08:00.000-08:00

The Pictures you see above are 22 years old. It was taken in 1987 when my own children, who are grown now with children of their own, were small and experiencing the wonders of Christmas.

In both pictures Lisa is standing next to the tree. She has a 6 year old daughter today. Kerry has the blue nighty on, she has a daughter of 11, son of 9 and daughter of 15 months. Shirley has the pony tail and has 2 daughters today, one 11 years and one of 9 years. The toddler is my son who was 2 in the photo and is 24 now expecting his first child next year.

My husband and I spend christmas quietly now, but it was not always that way.

In years gone by I clearly remember that magical time of year when the excitement mounts as young children help unearth the decorations for the christmas tree. Dad brings it home and a home is found for it in the lounge. Half the furniture has to be rearranged first. The arguments also begin and EVERYONE wants to put the Angel on the top of the tree. We needed 4 headed christmas trees and 4 angels to keep the peace.

There is a last minute flurry as children wrap gifts for one another - sticky tape, scissors and paper are passed from room to room, cries of "don't peep" or "don't come in" come from everywhere. The mood is festive, christmas carols play in the background and everyone sings along in the foreground.

All the mess this exercise has left in its wake is cleared away.

Then each one places their own presents under the tree......MAAAAAAAAAAA.....TELL EVERYONE TO STOP READING THE LABELS!

Whew - I am exhausted. Isn't it bedtime already?

Don't forget the mince pie and beer for father christmas. Beer? Just imagine how muddled he would be if he partook of everyone's hospitality!

Guess what.....THEY ALL HAVE INSOMNIA........ and are trying to figure out ways that they can all catch a peek of father christmas as he shins down the chimney with his sack of goodies and distributes them under the tree.

Dad and I can now do our part. We put the gifts we have, for which father christmas gets credit for, under the tree, dad eats half the pie and drinks some of the beer. That is ALWAYS the first thing they check on. It validates the existence of father christmas for them somehow, I think " be children for a little longer, believe in such things, the real world can be a harsh place and you will be in it for the rest of your lives. As you go through life you will learn to accept that all things move to their end, everything you have and hold you must in time also let go."

But not tonight.

SNAKES ALIVE!!

2009-12-18T04:29:00.000-08:00

My daughter Shirley posted a picture of a black snake on her blog the other day. She and her children had come across it.

I am NOT a snake fan but nevetheless was taken by my mind back to that quaint village, Triangle, where we spent a few years of our lives during the Rhodesian war.

We had a couple of incidences ourselves concerning these creatures I would prefer to be far from, like another planet.

The first that comes to mind was a day I had had a procedure done at the local hospital so was sleeping off the anaesthetic.

The maid had taken the children on a "picnic". Translation of picnic during those times : An enjoyable outdoor exercise where one lays a blanket on the ground, takes a basket of yummy treats and juice, and enjoys the outdoor air. Picnics ONLY took place within the safety of ones own garden as to venture further would be dangerous and leave one open to hostile attack by terrorists. I'm very serious.

After the picnic, the blanket had been shaken out, folded and returned to its cupboard.

That evening my husband casually called me out of my stupor, summoning me to GET OUT OF BED (he has lost his mind I thought to myself), does he not remember I am on a serious trip right now and my mind is befuddled with left over anaesthetic.

I followed the voice, using the walls as support, and ....EEEEEEKKKKKK..... He was holding the cupboard door closed, and protruding from it was a snake. The snake had obviously been wrapped up in the blanket and deposited in the cupboard. He was probably casing the joint to find his way out and get his bearings as the last he remembered he was in the garden! We returned him to the garden. He was not very big.

The second incident was during lunch one day and we were all sitting aroung the dining room table. We had a large tree growing outside the dining room window. We all watched in silence as the thickest and longest python we had ever seen slowly slithered down the tree. I could almost read his thoughts "don't mess with me" and as I had no intention of one of my small children becoming his dinner, we phoned the local police. They dispatched a man with a rifle.

By now we were all at the kitchen door as "monty python" slid past. The policeman took aim and fired - missed. Lisa was 2, this was sport for her, she threw her arms in the air and yelled "YAY!" Undeterred the cop fired a second time, missed. (Glad my life did not depend upon him for protection). Lisa once again repeated her little performance of cheering and "YAY'! (like people do when their favourite rugby side scores a try). I still see her standing there in her training pants with "if it's sticky I'll have it" printed on the back, and her long blond hair almost to her waist.

Third shot hits its mark. We were told to be careful as they have partners and that his may come looking for him. Sure enough, 2 days later his partner was found run over in the road outside our property.

I was always sorry that it was necessary to take the action we did, but he was a danger to my small children and we had no way of knowing where he lived and there were no snake catchers around.

I love animals and small creatures, but I really can't do snakes.

LET YOUR YES BE YES AND YOUR NO BE NO

2009-12-09T03:05:00.001-08:00

We have just returned from the orthopaedic clinic at the hospital. So what. This is what.

A stroke patient has a confused mind from time to time, and it is at its worse when under stress. Many conditions manifest themselves more noticeably during times of stress and frustration.

We were amidst hundreds of people waiting to hand the file in at the dispensary, where it will wend its way through the hands of, I hope, of very capable pharamacists, and come out at the other end with all the medication in a packet.

We were waiting at this counter when I discovered that I had mislaid my receipt, without which I cannot collect anything as the meds are handed over upon production of this receipt. I wanted to go and get another one, so I told my patient to wait where he was. "don't leave me here" he says clinging to the counter. I attempt to prize him loose and take him with me. That brought forth a more panicked response, 'Leave me here, you will be quicker' comes the reply from this head shaking, counter gripping panicked being. "I ASKED YOU THAT **....!! I screech.

Ah, I have seen this many times before I think to myself. I get him to focus and ask 'is that a no no, a no yes, a yes yes or a yes no? Make any sense to you? No, I didn't think so.
I leave him and go to collect a new receipt, we have several pairs of eyes watching us, all part of the entertainment one sees in a hospital such as this, nothing seems to be out of the ordinary and everthing seems to be normal because no one knows what normal is anymore. but I am
MAD.

The cherry on the cake is that he denies shaking his head because for some reason, beyond my understanding and my zero knowledge of brains, he really cannot tell the difference. Not yet.

That was my morning and so I am here in my haven where everything makes sense, even this stupid computer who loses my emails and its marbles, has meltdowns, and then just tells me "server cannot be found" which it has been doing for the best part of the rest of this day.

I'll try again tomorrow.

LOOK WHAT I CAN DO

2009-12-04T02:41:00.000-08:00

I have wanted to learn how to cut and paste for ages, so a friend of mine gave me a lesson just now, and I feel 10 feet tall, like I did when I first left the internet cafe my daughter Kerry took me into to get me started with all this.

It all seemed so hard at the time, but with practice it all became easier and a lot of fun. Right now, this is hard, but hopefully I will be able to steal photos from my daughters' blogs to show you. This is a photo of a 'little pony' birthday cake, which my daughter Lisa had made for Natalia, aged 6, in July of this year.

Now if I can remember how this was done (it is all written down letter for painful letter) you will see more photos.

ANGELS AMONG US

2009-11-27T00:28:00.000-08:00

It was 1980 and we lived in (the then) Rhodesia. We made our own entertainment as I have mentioned in "Anyone for Tennis??" and were probably more social than folk living in cities.

One morning I took my small girls aged 3, 4 and almost 6, and went to visit a friend of mine. Triangle is a sugar estate and the temperature and humidity can be extremely (unbearably) high. It was on such a day that we went visiting, so we closed the doors and windows, put the airconditioner on, played some records, "records" you will find in the dictionary for those who were born after that era (kidding). The children played outside.

It was a large garden, no dangers, or so we thought, and we could watch the children from the window.

It is when we least expect it that disaster strikes, and are not prepared for things to go awry.

The door flew open and Michael, my friends son who was the same as Shirley, 6, shouted to us. I could't hear what he was saying due to the music, but it took only one look at his horrified expression for me to know that something was very very wrong. We ran outside and there, standing on a steel "grate" of sorts, was Shirley. She was screaming in fear and pain. I looked down at her legs and I remember thinking "what are all those white streaks on her legs". Upon closer inspection, I saw that the "white streaks" were burst blisters.

She had followed a kitten and sunk up to the top of her thighs in burning coals. She had grabbed onto the steel frame (thank goodness it was there) and pulled herself up, stopping herself from sinking further.

Our water was heated by coal burners which were stoked twice a day, so when it needed to be done again, the old coal had to go somewhere. Most people buried it and put sprinklers on top to cool it down, but coals buried retain their heat for very long time.

Shirley spend 3 weeks in hospitl and it took a further 4 weeks before she could walk again. She lost all the skin on her legs and only had the thick skin on the soles of her feet left. She was to be taken to Salisbury General Hospital for skin grafts as all the white patches had no blood flow going to them so no new skin would form. After 3 days the blood was flowing. She did not have to have the grafts. The doctors were wonderful, and people prayed for her. Her scars were red and "angry" but today they have completely faded. The skin texture has changed but no one would know they were there unless they knew the story.

In 1978 we went on holiday to the Eastern Cape. My sister-in-law and her 3 boys joined us for a family picnic on the beach. We were near a lagoon which was safer for small children. We watched them closely as there were 6 of them in the water. We turned to put up an umbrella and upon turning back to see that the children were alright, my sister-in-law studied the water intently and asked "what are those bubbles?" It was Kerry, my 2 year old daughter who had lost her balance on the uneven floor of the lagoon and fallen. It had happened in the blink of an eye. The bubbles came from her feeder cup she was holding. We would never have known she had fallen under the water if it weren't for the bubbles and and my sister-in-law noticing them amongs all those children. We came so close to losing her.

"FOR HE SHALL GIVE HIS ANGELS CHARGE OVER THEE, TO KEEP THEE IN ALL THEY WAYS" Psalms : 91:11

In 1984 we very nearly lost Lisa. After a wonderful day with friends in Blairgowrie, Johannesburg, we travelled home to Pretoria. Our speed was not over the limit but deadly to anyone falling from a car travelling at half that speed.

We turned off the highway. I looked back at the children, no, it couldn't be, but yes it was, she had been fast asleep on the journey home, slightly leaning against the car door - which was not shut, but slightly ajar. At any time she could have moved and fallen out of the car onto the highway. How could we have been so careless as not to check the doors properly.

In 1985 my son Brian was born. I fed him myself for a year. He was the only child of mine I was able to feed for so long.

Within 3 weeks of me changing him to formula he became violently ill. Tests showed that his immunity system was so weak he would never have survived on formula from birth. His paediatrician said that the only thing that saved him was breast milk, the alternative were gammaglobulin injections. She would not give them to him because of the aids risk at the time as gammaglobulin is made from a blood base. He was put onto an aggressive treatment which he remained on until he was 9 years old. He was hospitalised 5 times due to severe chest infections, had his tonsils and adenoids removed at only 19 months, all before he went to school.

I don't believe we have guardian angels, or that they are even celestial beings. Hebrews tells us that angels are God's messengers or representatives, and that many of us have entertained angels without knowing it.

THE ANGEL OF THE LORD ENCAMPS AROUND THOSE WHO FEAR HIM, AND HE DELIVERS THEM

Who were my angels, the Doctor who tended Shirley? My sister-in-law who astutely saw the bubbles? Was protection given Lisa when in our humaness, we did not check the back door? My body's ability to be able to feed Brian for 1 year when I had failed to do so with his sisters? Wisdom given to doctors?

Who are your angels, and have you entertained them without even knowing it?

Step By Step: HE LINKS MY WORLDS

2009-11-10T05:16:00.000-08:00

Step By Step: HE LINKS MY WORLDS

HE LINKS MY WORLDS

2009-11-10T04:18:00.000-08:00

Ever since I can remember I have loved animals, from a mouse to an elephant. Fascinating.

I remember smuggling mice into my bedroom cupboard when in school, I collected spiders in jars and ants in boxes, had a cameleon and a praying mantis on my curtains too. My poor mother can corroborate this and probably more, like the day I was 6 and I presented my mom with an arm full of chongalolos. I was delighted with my find but my mom was mad about the mussed up blouse she had spent hours making. If there is a medal for patience and endurance in the face of ongoing testing of a mothers patience, it belongs to MY mother, ok?

After I married, not much changed. There were always dogs, cats and birds. Then one day a very different visitor came to stay, and stay, and stay.......

Crunchie.

Crunchie is a tortoise and he was named thus as he was very small, only a handful, and looked not unlike a meat pie.

I bought Crunchie for R20 from my oldest friend's son, who was in primary school at the time. My son Brian wanted him, he was 7 years old.

We made a cage at the bottom of the garden for him, but within a few days the ants had found him. I dusted him off and brought him inside the house until I plan could be made for his housing. He was not put in a box, but on the floor and I would find him later.

That was 17 years ago and Crunchie simply blended in with all the cats and dogs.

He learned that the fridge contained food, and that the best time to get it was 5ish when grub was up for everyone, even the inhabitants of the animal kingdom. How do they all know that?

He became very tame as time went by and only used his shell to hybinate in during the winter months. He would seek out the sun spots in the house and stretch out his back legs, stretch his arms up, lay his head on its side and close his eyes as he slept. The first time he did this I thought he was dead, but now I know better!

He would vanish in May and reappear in October. We wouldn't know where he was and he was very difficult to find . Being so small he would find an old slipper or an unused shoe and sleep in it for 5 - 6 months.

I see to it that he eats well during the summer months to sustain him during his fast during the winter.

He likes apples, his favourite, cucumber, and chopped up carrot. I treat him to prickly pears from time to time as he loves them and they are very nutritious for tortoises. Bananas are a bit squishy and he gets it all over his beak and face as he tries to get it all off. I have to clean him up afterwards as by now it is all over his "hands" too.

The children grew up and left home and my husband and I went our separate ways. My husband had custody of Crunchie until he remarried, at which time Crunchie came to me and my 2nd husband.

Nothing has changed much in Crunchie's life, it's still all good for him, he is now widely traveled as he can be popped into an appropriate handbag. This is done when moving from from one place to another. No one even knows we have him.

In Summer he sleeps in the corner next to my side of the bed, during the day his life goes on as it always did, he still knows what's in the fridge, he now bites our toes and heels for attention. He has done this to unsuspecting visitors too so we all have to visit with our feet off the floor if we don't want blood shed! His beak is very sharp believe it or not.

He is a favourite with everyone is our little creature feature, children and adults alike. I have even been offered money for him! We now put him away when we have guests or he has the floor literally.

It is an exciting day for us today. My little friend has come out from the back of a cupboard where he was hybernating. Actually, I had to drag him out as it is November already. I have been leaving the cupboard open hoping he would see the light on his own - ha, ha, and realise that it was time to rise and shine, but he never WAS a morning person.

We have moved during his hybernation period and I saw tonight with horror that he was almost impossible to see against the carpet, and since Andy had his stroke we have had enough accidents around here without Crunchie tripping us up too. So I cast about for something to help make him more visible. There it was, the best I could do at a moments notice, Crunchie is walking about with a pink "stick it" on his shell!

However, time marches on and Crunchie with it, he shows no signs of shuffling off this earth so I need to make provisions for his future! I could not send him to strangers who do not know his ways.

So I ask my four children, who would like to inherit Crunchie? I fear he has become the family heirloom and I probably won't have much else to leave anyone, except this little shell full of memories.

THE SPICE OF LIFE

2009-10-29T10:45:00.000-07:00

Recently, as it so often does, my analytical mind drifted slowly back over the years, resting upon the people I love, many I have loved and are still in my heart and mind.

Including the pharmacy lady who has sold me disprin for 7 years whose name I don't even know but we greet one another like long lost friends! If I moved away I would just find another pharmacy lady, so easily can she be replaced in MY life.........

Why do I not "love" them all. We are told to love one another as He has loved us. Mmmmm..... sorry, I don't even KNOW the whole of mankind, so for a mere human such as I, that would be impossible.

But this is what I am able to give to the people in my heart and mind.

For my mother, I have known her for as long as I can remember, so that would be forever for me. She went through the discomfort of pregnancy and the pain of childbirth, the exasperation of raising me, saving me from myself in my teens, giving me wisdom with my children. And hey - the miracle is that she still loves me! She has taught me to love, care, have empathy and sympathy for others. I learned from her example. She will always have my love, gratitude and respect.

My husband (profile 1) - we shared intimacies, planned a family and a future, raised children together (did not always agree on that one though)! We share 4 lovely children and our 7th grandchild is on the way. He has been there most of my life and will always have a place in my heart.

My husband (profile 2) Quite a different relationship altogether and cannot be compared to profile 1. He has 3 grown children who have another mother and has a past that I did not share in as did not share in mine. I am blessed that I can speak of my past and he can speak of his. Neither should be forgotten and we both appreciate this. When we are asked how many grandchildren we have we ask, his, hers or the total between us. That's where it gets scary.

Profile 1 and 2 have separate rules I discovered.

Children - I love all 4 adult children equally, each has something special to bring to me and the world around them. My love for them is unconditional, they can become anyone and make as many mistakes they will, I will help to pick up the pieces and carry on. It doesn't get better than that.

Grandchildren. These little people are very special and I can love them any way I want to. Freely, on my terms, I can allow them to do anything, take what liberties they may without any of the fall out or the responsibility! You have to agree that that is a good thing to have!

Last but certainly not least, my two sisters, who were years younger than I so it was not easy being a part of their lives. I do remember playing with them as babies and fighting with them as they grew up, all the things siblings do. I love them dearly and no distance between us will change that.

So, to sum up, I will do my best not to take for granted my relationship with others lightly, to nuture them, not cause them pain knowingly, to acknowledge when I am wrong and not to judge them as I do not see their hearts. That is my goal, but, alas, not matter how hard I try I fear I shall fall short of being perfect in my efforts due to my humity, so all I can do is ask for forgiveness when I am wrong, patience until realisation dawns, because my best will not be the best it should be or the best I want it to be.

MOTHERS ARE.....

2009-10-15T05:36:00.000-07:00

.....far more than just mothers.

My experience as a mother and skills that I have learned, have prepared me for the rest of my life.

I think of my fumbling first efforts as I changed my first child for the first time. We had NAPPIES then, no oh so easy disposables, and trying to fold it around those skinny little frog legs was the first "mission impossible" for me. Once on, then the boottees if you can find and catch the flailing foot. So now what did I have apart from perspiration all over my face? A huge nappy with a midget inside. The nappy had boottees, mittens and a woollen hat. It made an enormous amount of noise and through the process of elimination I would eventually discover the cause of all the noise and what the nappy wanted.

During that first week I found that I had come to dearly love this noisy, hungry nappy who was little more than an alimentary canal.

There I had it. It was completely unable to do anything for itself, couldn't even say "hey ma, thanks for that, I feel better now" let alone give me a high five.

Time passed and as I had learned to keep this little mite alive and well, my confidence and abilities grew. But something else happened too.

I had a God given instinct to protect, nuture, love and guide with understanding and a certain amount of patience (that was an ongoing work in progress) this wee babe.

Time passed and I learned to never interfere with their efforts to feed (peanut butter sammies stuck to the wall) to dress (bite my tongue) or to brush their hair (good grief). They gave themselves haircuts too (eeeeeeekkkkk!!!!).

They wanted independance and I learned to slowly let go, and eventually they could fly.

God saw my tears and He understood my sore heart, and he was there to tend to me.

As I grew older I realised that life had many other hills for me to climb.

My first husband had a heart attack at an early age but recovered fully. My second husband had a stroke.

He became like a child again. He could not walk, make himself understood clearly, I devised a "charade" system of communication for a while. I shaved him, showered him, washed and brushed his hair and teeth. Trying to keep his pride intact.

But I had done all those things before and the instincts were not dormant but alive and well, just not needed again until this time. They came to my rescue.

Now, 3 months on, he walks unaided for short distances, understands more, he is re-learning words he knew, his speech is clear, he shaves himself, washes half his body himself, brushes his own hair and teeth.

My body no longer aches from lifting him and I have more time for myself. I can leave him for short periods at a time if need be. He is blessed to have a second chance at life.

As my children did he has grown more independant and is moving away from his dependance on me in the same way that my children did.

But this time I cry no tears and my heart is glad.

ANYONE FOR TENNIS???

2009-10-09T05:06:00.000-07:00

The other day I received an email from my eldest daughter Shirley (Dawn in the Home) who home schools her two daughters. I had asked her what the girls did in the way of sporting activities. She gave me a loooong list and at the end she said that they want to join a tennis club so that they can all play tennis together (this family would make James Dobson proud!).

Well, as usual, I was transported back to a time when Shirley, Kerry and Lisa were 5, 4 and 3 respectively, and WE also played tennis as a family! Only our version went like this .......

Their dad and I were on the court with the raquets and balls, the children were posted OUTSIDE the court and their job was to run after all the balls that landed outside the court, as we were beginners and that is where most of the balls ended up. I can still see them running all over the place to find and bring the balls back to us! Because they were small, they couldn't see through us so thought that tennis was played that way and it was great fun. We gave up eventually and tried something else.

Our way of life was unique at the time. We lived in a village called Triangle in Rhodesia as it was at the time. Triangle was and still is a part of the Hulletts group. Because of the hot and humid climate the sugar cane farming was a very lucrative business.

Triangle was a very small community 10Kms from the Mozambique border. "Town" was one enormous building from where we bought everything. Groceries, the butchery was inside, the stationers, hardware, baker, even a milkshake bar. All under one roof.

There was one primary school, 3 church denominations who all held services in the school hall, each having their own time slot.

We had no TV or radio reception and the newspapers were delivered 3 times a week by plane.

We had a proper cinema though, and movies were shown2 or 3 times a week in the evenings. Every Saturday afternoon a childrens movie was shown and all the village children went. In one day we saw everyone numerous times, at the school, in "town" at braais, schoold sports days etc. You get the picture?

So we gave up tennis and entered local community arranged fun days. One stands out in my mind as being among the most memorable. A go cart competition was arranged. For two weekends preceeding the event, families could be seen in their back yards dismantling old prams and with the wheels, crates or boxes of some kind went about fashioning a go cart. It had no brakes.

The day of the competion arrived. There was a festive and carefree atmosphere. I remember writing up the names and ages of the entrants as they arrived and arranging them in their correct age groups. Adults were also taking part.

The starting point was at the top of the steepest hill and at the bottom, a huge sandbank had been built up. The carts lined up, and at the start of each race a gun was fired and the carts flew down the hill at breakneck speed and crashed into the sandbank. It was a huge success and a day I will remember for its simplicity and fun. We all trudged home at the end of the day hungry, dirty, tired but very happy.

No cost was incurred but I am by far the richer for having the priviledge of leading , for a short while, such a lifestyle.

We never played tennis again.

THE EYES ARE THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL

2009-10-05T04:55:00.000-07:00

We have a "photo wall" in our flat. All our favourite photos are there. My children in their various stages of growth, from babies, to toddlers, school photos (some I see have teeth missing in their grade 1 photos!) a few shots of them in their teens, and then as adults. The girls, Shirley Ann, Kerry Lyn and Lisa Jane all looking identical and 1 year apart.

I remember no one ever knowing which one was which ......"I saw one of your girls today, don't know which one, they all look the same..." They became known as The Nimmo Girls in school - but actually they were the original Spice Girls. I will tell you why.

This morning I studied the face of each one taken by a professional photographer when they were very young. Thats when I realised that cliches have been around for every because they are true. THE EYES ARE THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL.

They may have all looked the same on the outside, but inside and were and are 3 very different people. In Shirley's eyes I saw gentleness, in Kerry's eyes I saw tolerance and acceptance and in Lisa's eyes, mischief and humour.

I reflected on each of them and saw the people they have become, it was there so many years ago, reflected in their eyes as little children, other qualities emerged as the years have gone by and they have each been touched by joy, sadness, pain and suffered knocks along the way. So each has become like a fingerprint, a unique person who could never be replaced.

They had some fun with the likeness in looks, and they came clean once they had grown and told me of some of the things that they managed to get up to and get away with! They told me this story. Shirley was the first to get her ID book. They would all go to a club (unbeknown to us), Shirley produced her ID and went to the ladies, there she passed her ID book to Kerry, who entered the night club on the same ID, she in turn went to the ladies and yes, you guessed, passed it to Lisa who also had fun in the nightclub! I am so glad I only found these things out once they were grown and had survived.

Brian on the other hand was a late lamb. He was the opposite to his sisters in more ways than one! His colouring was opposite favouring my side of the family. In his eyes as a tot I saw gentleness, mischief and determination. That is the child he grew into and the adult he became. I discovered that boys were far more independant than girls, stubborn and physical too. Chancers, risk takers and they can be very single minded! I am glad that as a baby his eyes did not give everything away, I would have had a nuclear melt down if I knew then what I know now. BLESS ALL YOU MUMS WHO ONLY HAVE SONS!

But I survived and so did he.

Its the eyes, all in the eyes.

AMAZING & FRUSTRATING - HINDSIGHT & WISDOM

2009-09-29T02:19:00.000-07:00

"If I knew then what I know now......."
How many have said that. I have, often.

When I was growing up there were many times I questioned my parents about certain keyplayers in my life whom I did not know and wanted to. I was often shut down. Frustrating.

Many years later I found my own children asking the same things of me, yes, I shut them down or gave them not such glowing character references (which is why they need not worry about them). I did not want them to get too close to anyone who could threaten my relationship with my children in case I should lose a part of them to someone else. I felt very threatened when their father remarried for example.

Then I made a decision. They had a right to question, after all the changes in their lives was not of their doing, and they had a right too to decide how much of themselves they would share. Wisdom.

I did not lose their love or any part of them, I had just lost a lot of time obsessing that I would, and now in hindsight I see my foolishness. Love is not measured, there is always enough to go around, and because new people come into our lives, does not mean that we love the "oldies" any less!

To leave children unanswered questions about their lives, and not being upfront with them leaves them very frustrated.

I didn't get it growing up, but I get it now as history often repeats itself and I now understand why my parents made the decisions they did for my life, I also thank them for it. For now I see that fear, and also there is a little jealously that anyone else may have a part in my childrens affections. I also see how much they must have loved me.

I am working on a project for my grown children and grandchildren at the moment. It is to trace their ancestors, obtainining photos of great great grandparents (did they REALLY) wear clothes like that! Blood lines on both their fathers and my sides of the family. They will see where they fit into the family, these people who would never know their descendants. Since my husbands stroke the project has slowed down a little as I have little time for me.

Now why, I ask myself, is researching ancestors so fascinating to us and why, on the other hand, when myself as a child and my children question parents about the here and now is it sometimes so painful?

The difference is that one group is history, and we live in the present. It is also where all our emotions live too.

So, in hindsight, I wish I had been a Solomon among men. Wisdom is probably the only thing I really wish I had not had to wait so long for.

To think that one day my descendants (and yours) will research us and find us fascinating (and wonder at our clothes too!)

Just do the right thing and answer the questions without bias, you will lose nothing but gain far more than you ever imagined.

THE CHANGING SEASONS OF LIFE

2009-09-22T03:26:00.000-07:00

As I have journeyed through life, I have planned continually in exactly the same way you have. ha ha.

Now those of you who are 40 upwards, think back to your teens and twenties, the dreams you had and the plans you made, either on your own or with your new husband. The world was your oyster, it is exciting, you move into your first flat, your own your first house, have your first child.

Staying in your 40's up, you will know by now that life throws you curved balls and we make wrong choices. As a result the wonderful life we foresaw never happened.

Many of us don't even have the same husband we made all those plans with. You may be in a bad financial position because of it, it you were sensible through you may have salveged some financial security for yourself if you are a woman. If not, hold on tight, your life is about to change course! It may be for the better - or not. So many ifs.....

After my marriage ended, I lost financial security and the world in which I found myself was a sink or swim world. There was an upside, I am stronger in the sense that I can cope with things I never thought myself capable of. I never feared much, to the frustration of my family, now I fear not at all, I have been there and survived. I have lived from time to time among people with no work skills, starving children (heartbreaking) abused children and wives, and yes, even a few abused men. It is best to harden you heart if you want to keep body and soul together.

My husband and I have even been offered a 'job'. Get this .... very well paid, we are told, involves travel, it is that of a courier. Which basically means you put your life on the line for the thriving drug lords by couriering drugs through 7 continents on a passport that is made for you, not in your name of course, and at the end of it all you will be R40 000.00 richer! Wow, what an offer! Everyone I know who has fallen into this trap is doing life in some foreign prison! I learned to be vigilent and circumspect.

My wrong choices toughened me up which is a good thing, but they also caused a whole bunch of problems and heartaches.

So we look back on our lives and wonder what happened. Can any of us pinpoint the moment when things started to go off course, that everything started to go a little crazy and instead of ending up where you imagined, you are on the other side of the track heading off into the unknown and wondering how you got there. It may build character of break us down, THAT choice is yours to make!

Young people, God has a very good plan for your life, it only goes awry if you try to plan it yourself without any sort of guidance because of all those darn choices to make!

I have tried to use negative experiences to grow, to face life head on, go through problems rather than round them, help someone less fortunate, there always is you know. I am less judgmental, more accepting, more appreciative of my family, learned to forgive, to be humble (a hard one).

To my mom, stepdad, and children, who, if they have judged me harshly I did not know about it but were there to pick up the pieces of my sometime shattered life, and with their help and love. They have been beside me during these troubled times since my husband had his stroke. Because of them and my new inner strength, the future doesn's look quite to bleak, so I say ..... bring it on, we CAN do this!

A Special Day

2009-09-22T03:01:00.001-07:00

I want to share a special event with you.

My Mom, whom I often speak of and who I refer to often, my Step Father who has stood by us all, at my sister Ann`s wedding which took place in England a month ago, and my youngest sister Colleen, who lives with her family in Dubai. They all met up in Reading for the event. These people I have known and loved all my life.

The wedding took place at a lovely location on the banks of the Thames at a place called Sonning. There were about 75 guests at the wedding. Malcolm, my new brother in law is a very nice fellow, and we wish them a happy life together. Meeting the family for Malcolm must have been quite something. He is an only child from a quiet English family, and is a quiet English Gentleman.

I Want To Share...

2009-09-21T23:25:00.001-07:00

My first born daughter with my first born granddaughter and her little sister (my little princess), how different they are to look at!

WHEN THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE

2009-09-09T01:16:00.000-07:00

There are bound to be days

when the sun doesn't shine

When skies are not cheery

and bright;

Days when we're troubled

and weary with care,

And nothing is going quite right...

But on such a day

God is not far away,

His mercies and love

never cease--

When the going is rough

our faith is enough

To bring jus contentment

and peace

Life is the most unpredictable of all things. If you ever want to make God laugh, just try plan your life! Since Andy had his stroke in July, my life has done an about turn. As someone in our support group said yesterday, it is now all about them.

To go anywhere I have to dress him and me, feed him and me, pack the bag behind the wheelchair with a sandwich too, I never forget the sandwich! I learnt the hard way about the sandwich when we were waiting for medication at the hospital and Andy's sugar level dropped (he is diabetic) and I had to abandon him in the wheelchair, run home and make a jam sandwich! Not long after that he kept getting dizzy. I decided to check his sugar level, it was 2.1, not good, way too low. SO thereafter, I added this to my to do list, I had to take over something else he used to do quite capably, make sure he injected himself with the correct amount of insulin and not OD on it.

We have moved into a batchelor flat now which enables him to become more self sufficient and do more for himself which obviously helps me. I have to keep an eye on him though because he does things without telling me what he plans to do, sometimes with disasterous effects.

I bought a non slip mat the the shower, yes Murphy' law was there in the shower too and he slipped for the first time. We have learnt to laugh at many things, a sinse of humour is a must as it is too easy to fall into a pattern of selfpity and depression, and there is no room for that in our lives no matter how bad or sad things are, laughter is definitely the best medicine of all.

Every day there are small triumphs. He now shaves himself. Not as well as I had learnt to, now THAT was a challenge. Try shaving your man, that bristly hair that never seems to stop growing, grows in more than one direction I discovered, especially on the neck, yes, big challenge to shave the neck! It used to be that the big challenges in life were knitting patterns, just try shaving a face and NECK. And try and get the hair off the top lip without cutting him to pieces. God definitely has a good sense of humour.

Sometimes he will sound quite normal, then he loses his words and I make suggestions until we find the right one.The speech therapist is making him a 'necklace' with familiar objects on it that he uses in daily life. He wants a photo of all the grandchildren with their names on so he can refer to who he is speaking about. I am collecting pics this week of cokes to chips.

The powers that be in our municality are attempting to 'fix' Durban up for 20/10, so they have started b y digging everything up. Something else to get my head around - pushing a wheelchair along those widewalks without throwing my patient out when I hit something or get jammed in a small hole I didn't see. Avoid sea sand and wind, a deadly combination, those wheels dont move through sand and we get bogged down. Try and stay off the road because although the sidewalk is impassable at times, the traffic can be lethal.

My silver lining? That he will get better, if not 100%, his sharp mind will return, I will have my friend back to talk to and who will even help with decisions again!. What a wonderful day that will be!

PRIDE COMES BEFORE A FALL - a lesson learnt

I would like to pay tribute to my children and mother who help in unbelievable and selfless ways. They have relieved financial stress as Andy is now on disability. I don't have sleepless nights crying into my pillow. How blessed can a mother and daughter be?

LITTLE BLOGGER - THE 2ND GENERATION

2009-09-03T06:41:00.000-07:00

In February this year, my 2nd daughter Kerry introduced me to blogging. All 3 of my daughters blogged and so were always in touch with one another, other family members and friends. The links to their sites are in the left margin.

It has brought far more to my life than I ever could have imagined. However, when it comes to all the details - well, Kerry is my editor and she is responsible for my new look, all the pictures, yes, and to the links as well!

A few months ago I dedicated a post to my 2 eldest grandchildren Vicky-Leigh and Tessni entitled "The Wonder Years". If you go to Kerry's blog on there is a link to young Tessni's blog. It makes me a very proud gramma when I not only had the priviledge of raising my own children in the way of the Lord, but watch them all raise their children in the same way. For me? My biggest reward is experiencing a promise of God come to me because I was obedient and raised them up in the way that they should go. I have been blessed. Many of us will know the flip side of this is that the sins of the fathers is visited upon their children, and that would have been devestating.

What I look forward to? More blogging grandchildren as they all grow older so that I can be a part of THEIR lives as I really have seen so little of them. Distance is a huge problem and the cost of travel almost out of sight.

Tessni is a delightful, affectionate and well mannered young girl. During the week I stayed with them I saw a little of what I was missing. During that week there was one evening I did sigh with relief when there was a mom/daughter conflict!

She loves beading and maybe she will tell you of her interest in entrepeneurs. She has all the equipment and makes lovely necklaces, bangles, keyrings and more. She also personalises them.

Well done Tess, very proud of you girl!

GROWING IN FAITH AND STRENGTH

2009-08-14T02:45:00.000-07:00

My mother once said to me "nothing lasts forever". This was when I was doing my best to survive raising 3 babies on my own when their father was on border duty during the Rhodesian war. I was often overwhelmed with just keeping them fed, dry, bathed and endeavouring to explain the concept to them that nights were for sleeping (preferably ALL night.) I just hoped that somewhere in the chaos I was doing a good enough job teaching them lifes values, and hoped that one day they would grow up to be good citizens. I often felt I fell short of my task, but today, by the grace of God, I can be proud of all of them.

Since then I have learnt that we face many tunnels in life, but there is always light at the end of them. And I have never forgotten that "nothing lasts forever".

After Andy's stroke, I could see no light anywhere, I don't think he could either. Then, yes, there it was, in the distance, just a speck. Each day it grows a little brighter.

He can not flex the right hand and fingers, I know the day will come when he can lift his whole arm. He can lift his right leg a little higher as well. Today I did'nt have to lift his foot up to put on his socks. I glanced up, sure he was helping it with his good arm - NO! it had enough strenght in it to lift on its own now.

He falls less, but when he does I have the strength to lift him myself and don't have to rely on others for that.

He is using a walking frame, I have to follow him as he is not steady enough to go alone (or I just panic when he does) and he cannot go very far. But I see a determination in him, and am thankful for his stubborn spirit!

Yesterday we read from Col: where we are reminided that the battle is the Lords - what a relief that is to know!

No, I am not in this on my own as a despairingly thought I was, I have a loving God, loving family, I have been given physical strength to cope with our needs, my mind can be strong and sure, and the light is shining a little brighter today, in the distance, but it is there, praise God for his goodness and mercy! and yes mom, nothing does "last forever",

....THEN EVERYTHING WENT PEARSHAPED....

2009-08-08T05:00:00.000-07:00

It has taken me some time to write this post, because before doing so I have had to do a lot of soul searching. Going from fear of the unknown to acceptance, and having to really look inwards and ask myself where my faith line is. How do I shape up to the faith Isaac and Sarah had in God.
Not well in the beginning I'm afraid. I have asked many questions of God over the past 13 years of my life and waited for answers. There are many things we just will not understand this side of heaven, and accepting that is faith.

But today, in this moment, I understand many many things that I was blinded to before.

My marriage of 25 years ended 13 years ago. I remarried and my exhusband remarried.

My way of life changed from one of being sheltered all my life to one where things were a lot harder and and I have had to hold my own among people I had seen through the safety of the televesion screen in 50/50 and on 3rd degree! Those worlds certainly do exist, there are drug lords, drug addicts, alcoholics, neglected and abused children, same sex marriages and sex workers all around me.

Circumstances have forced my husband and myself to live among them on Durban's beach front. No, we do not live as they do, I have asked God many times why He has brought me so close to this side of life, and seen the faces of these poor people.

They have accepted us, respect our values and ask no questions.

During this time God has been strengthening me, made more accepting of others and less judgmental. I do not fear the streets of Durban day or night, I have become a survivor, and a much stronger person than I ever was at any other time in my life.

God in his wisdom was preparing for harder times to come, and as He is already in our tomorrows only He knew the neccecity for this.

Two weeks ago, my husband went to work as usual and 3 hours into the morning, he just fell off his chair. He had had a stroke. At that moment, in front of me was a tunnel with no light at the end of it. Being State patients, we have to rely upon ourselves a lot, so I managed to get him to the hospital which, mercifully is only 2 blocks away. The process was long and tiring. Finally a diagnosis was made, it was definitely a stroke. He had lost the use of the right side of his body. He could still speak at this time. A CT scan was done, hours later we went home.

He is in a wheelchair and has lost his speech.He is not aware of it even. On 25 August we are to go to Albert Latuli Hospital where the CT scan will be read by a cardiovascular specialist and we will have a better idea then what to expect.

Every Tuesday I take him to physiotherapy, speech therapy, then group therapy for stroke patients and their caregivers, it is like a support group.

IN THE MEANTIME we have to work on tecniques. How to get from the wheelchair to the bed and back again. That one he has mastered. He doesn't hit the deck any more! Because when he goes down so do I. I then have to find a strong willing neighbour to get him off the floor for me and upright! We don't bump, roll or trip down the stairs anymore. Yes, our senses of humour are returning! a plus. We have devised our own language too, l hand squeeze for yes and 2 for no. The nodding and shaking of the head is not perfected so that still leave me in doubt as to whether it is yes or no. After battling to understand a sentence I have suggested he just give me 1 key work, I'll figure out the rest. It must be very frustrating for him as he knows what he wants to say but cannot communicate it. The process of elimination is also used.

My eldest daughter and son-in-law are paying for the hire of the wheelchair, bless them. As far as his work goes he is still being paid but there are many uncertainties which normally assault me in the dark of the night. I play the "what if" game. How long will his rehabilitation be? How complete will it b e? Will our rent be covered? We need to live near the hospital, right where we are as the hospital is withing walking distance, staying independant is important, everybody has their own lives to live and not many easier than ours.

We are surrounded by caring people who willingly help get up and down stairs. We only have showers so that is still a work in process. BUT, I thing we got it RIGHT this morning, I didn't drop him on his head or jam, us into the cubicle.

Sleep?, well, its broken like when I had small children, that comes back quickly!

O P R A H ! ! !

But seriously, I see now how I have been prepared for this, I have the strength of body and mind to overcome it.

One day Andy will walk holding his head high once again, of that I am certain!

WHERE HAVE ALL THE CHILDREN GONE?

2009-07-23T05:22:00.000-07:00

"Do you have children"? people ask me, this is asked usually as an icebreaker, for something to say whilst waiting in queues, on a bus or where ever I find myself next to some one for any length of time. You also know this one "nice weather/awful weather/hot weather/rainy today" etc. But to the first question I answer "yes, 3 girls and a boy, in that order" I see them in my minds eye, the girls blonde and blue eyed and the boy darker with brown eyes. The images are fresh, the children are small, sometimes babies are clear in my mind as if they might come bounding, toddling or crawling past me at any moment, so clear is this picture in my mind. I can easily join in the conversation with others.

Then the next question brings me back too earth with a bump - "how old are they"? I stop dead in my tracks because, you see, my children have children of their own now.

It is a long time since I have seen these little people. It seems they just suddenly disappeared one day.

When they were babies I was constantly working with them, feeding, bathing, plating, carrying all the time, even through the night, more with some than with others! They bacame toddlers and wanted to investigate everything, were inquisitive, danger stalked them, I was their minder and safety net now as well, they depended upon me for all their needs. My involvement with them was all encompassing.

They became school children, more able to detect danger, and to take on certain responsibilities as well. They were gone all morning. Once school acrivities began I saw even less of them. I was now guiding and teaching them values. They had chores and began to take responsibility for themselves and also helped around the house.

Their personalities were so different one from the other, we were 6 different personalities trying to live together, learning consideration, tolerance and sharing. They also knew more than I did and would rather take the teachers word for anything! "Mom, you will NEVER understand", or how about "I didn't ASK to be born" thats to send a mother on a guilt trip, or "I'll be home a bit late today" (I can make my own decisions).

They leave school, home, and go to college. They phone or write when they think of you, they have discovered a whole new world and are busy with studies, friends and socialising. You have now been replaced by their friends!
As a mother you just pray that you have done a proper job with these precious tots loaned from God, and that they will make right choices in life.

Me? I get on with my life now, I have new interests and hobbies, I think back and smile at the many memories I have. There is always a story to be remembered, reminders surround me. Sometimes I shed a tear for babies grown and the buzz of a noisy and hectic family life - this is simply empty nest syndrome if any mothers are in that place, and it does pass!

As they go on to get married and have children, make new friends and go through the whole cycle I have just emerged from my life also changes. I enjoy different things.

But now when I am asked "do you have any children" I return to that time and place so long ago when as tots they needed me constantly, because THOSE little people are the ones I REALLY know intimately. Now I ask myself "do I know these young people?" I don't know their likes and dislikes as I am not around them every day or even every year any more. I will never know my grown up children as I knew I baby children. I love them deeply, their faces are unchanged and are still lovingly familiar, their voices the same. I have also learned many things it would seem! They are wonderful friends to have. How many mom's see young children in their minds eye when asked about them?

They still lurk in the corners of my mind and jump out at me from photographs. If I were granted one wish, it would be to steal back just one chaotic day with these little blonde tots with ALL their nonsense. I would call my mother to join us, she was the BEST gran and very involved (but that's another story for another day!}and I would savour every moment of it!

MY SILVER LINING

2009-07-06T05:52:00.000-07:00

The hour is late, and quiet descends on the small block of flats in which we live as families one by one turn in for the night, after a busy and eventful week. The corridors do not ring out with the laughter and cries of small children as they run after one another in play. In their world, for the majority anyway, they are carefree and happy. They interrups their busy schedules often to visit me while I carry on with household chores, smiling, grubby little faces of all races, all friends and not seeing beyond that. They always want an apple, they know I ALWAYS have apples in the fridge! They shriek with delight as Bokkie the parrot shrieks at them for intruding into HER domain (everything is hers remember) the noise rises as they all try to outdo one another. At this point I cannot but imagine what my mother, who has VERY sensitive hearing would make of this crazy world I live in! The children - they would delight her, but the BIRD, I fear she would smother as we are all tempted to do at one time or another.

People here come from many different walks of life and working mothers are dependant upon other mothers as childcare is way outside their earning capacities. Most of them pull together in these difficult time and help where they can.

It takes me back to a time many years ago when we were living in a war torn country and starting young families. Most, if not all of the men, were called most of the time.

We were living in Salisbury in our first home which was in a young community, and for 5 years, as our children were born, grew and were added onto, we found outselves more often than not on our own, and we too pulled together in a way I have not seen women who live in times of peace pull together.

It was an unspoken arrangement that at 4.00pm ON THE DOT everyday someone would start to stroll around the block with a baby in pram and probably a toddler on a tricycle. As she proceeded, others joined in until we were a huge group of young moms, babies and toddlers, leaving our lonliness at home, laughing, reigning in wayward toddlers. Fractious babies enjoyed the walk in the prams out in the open.

We would then decide which home we would stop and have tea at before disbanding and going our separate ways to bath, feed and bed tired but happy children.

Over the years our little group grew in size and numbers. For just l hour of every afternoon we were not worrying about the safety of absent fathers, being a 'bush widow' and facing parenthood alone wasn't quite so daunting.

That was the silver lining of my life for 5 years. I will always cherish them.

After emigrating to South Africa I found that I could live in a neighbourhood for 3 years and not even know my neighbours name, so busy were they with their lives. In fact, I never got to know what they looked like even as everyone had 6 foot walls around their houses.

My son was born at this time and I made sure that he too had his afternoon walks around the block in the late afternoons. But we did it alone.

BACK FROM PRETORIA - brrrrrr....

2009-06-30T02:25:00.000-07:00

I went to Pretoria as planned to visit my parents who had been burgled. It was wonderful to see them and my parents laptop has a camera at the top which enables her to speak to my sisters overseas. (I sound ignorant hey?). It was a real treat to speak to and see my sister who lives in Dubai, it is many years since we have seen one another but she seems to have changed not one bit!

The security of my parents house has been greatly improved, and there are "eyes" in the garden now too so anyone walking around on the premises is seen and reported in the house via a machine that can be taken to the bedroom, garage etc. My father calls it the "sqwak box", very descriptive!

The weather was another story however, coming from Durban we are not even wearing jerseys most of the time. However, for the past week it has, for us anyway, been FREEZING and the winter woollies and gymies have been haulled out of mothballs. However, at lease when it is cold we can dress for warmth, but in Durban in summer, especially February, you don't want to be here, neither do I. SO, I shall enjoy this wonder cold weather ........

INTRUDERS

2009-06-30T02:05:00.000-07:00

INTRUDERS

INTRUDERS

Something happened a short while ago that I did believe could happen to anyone, not with the security of passwords etc.

I opened my blog which may not be very glorious to others but the posts I have here have been of occasions and incidents that mean something to and I hope to my family. If others enjoy them then that pleases me.

Can you imagine m y HORROR when I saw a post in MY space entitled "I WANT WHITE WIFE' and went on to say that, whoever this person was, he was Angolan, an accountant, loved a white woman and left an email address.

Hours of stressing as to how anyone could have logically managed to achieve what I thought would have been the impossible, left me stumped. My daughter Kerry who is a computer boffin, managed to delete it, and she then changed the password.

However, I use an internet cafe and a theory came to me, I may or may not be right, but I am sharing this with you so you too may be aware of what can happen on public computers.

I use the same internetcafe and to use the computers I have to buy time, am given a slip of paper with a password on it. The password has to be entered at the top of the screen, then next to it I must click "log on". This clears the wallpaper and I can now get into the computer, start and choose where I want to go.

What I had not realised (maybe, what do you think?) is that I had simply logged out without closing off all my files first. The next person to use the computer would have clicked on contined after entering their password and guess what, they would have been in step by step, and they would have had access to all the other sites I had visited, thus endangering others.

I now make very sure that I close everything and sign off before logging off.

I have often found myself in another persons emails and have had to sign off for them before I can access my mail.

It was a lesson I will not forget.

Family

2009-06-11T07:28:00.001-07:00