"Do you have children"? people ask me, this is asked usually as an icebreaker, for something to say whilst waiting in queues, on a bus or where ever I find myself next to some one for any length of time. You also know this one "nice weather/awful weather/hot weather/rainy today" etc. But to the first question I answer "yes, 3 girls and a boy, in that order" I see them in my minds eye, the girls blonde and blue eyed and the boy darker with brown eyes. The images are fresh, the children are small, sometimes babies are clear in my mind as if they might come bounding, toddling or crawling past me at any moment, so clear is this picture in my mind. I can easily join in the conversation with others.
Then the next question brings me back too earth with a bump - "how old are they"? I stop dead in my tracks because, you see, my children have children of their own now.
It is a long time since I have seen these little people. It seems they just suddenly disappeared one day.
When they were babies I was constantly working with them, feeding, bathing, plating, carrying all the time, even through the night, more with some than with others! They bacame toddlers and wanted to investigate everything, were inquisitive, danger stalked them, I was their minder and safety net now as well, they depended upon me for all their needs. My involvement with them was all encompassing.
They became school children, more able to detect danger, and to take on certain responsibilities as well. They were gone all morning. Once school acrivities began I saw even less of them. I was now guiding and teaching them values. They had chores and began to take responsibility for themselves and also helped around the house.
Their personalities were so different one from the other, we were 6 different personalities trying to live together, learning consideration, tolerance and sharing. They also knew more than I did and would rather take the teachers word for anything! "Mom, you will NEVER understand", or how about "I didn't ASK to be born" thats to send a mother on a guilt trip, or "I'll be home a bit late today" (I can make my own decisions).
They leave school, home, and go to college. They phone or write when they think of you, they have discovered a whole new world and are busy with studies, friends and socialising. You have now been replaced by their friends!
As a mother you just pray that you have done a proper job with these precious tots loaned from God, and that they will make right choices in life.
Me? I get on with my life now, I have new interests and hobbies, I think back and smile at the many memories I have. There is always a story to be remembered, reminders surround me. Sometimes I shed a tear for babies grown and the buzz of a noisy and hectic family life - this is simply empty nest syndrome if any mothers are in that place, and it does pass!
As they go on to get married and have children, make new friends and go through the whole cycle I have just emerged from my life also changes. I enjoy different things.
But now when I am asked "do you have any children" I return to that time and place so long ago when as tots they needed me constantly, because THOSE little people are the ones I REALLY know intimately. Now I ask myself "do I know these young people?" I don't know their likes and dislikes as I am not around them every day or even every year any more. I will never know my grown up children as I knew I baby children. I love them deeply, their faces are unchanged and are still lovingly familiar, their voices the same. I have also learned many things it would seem! They are wonderful friends to have. How many mom's see young children in their minds eye when asked about them?
They still lurk in the corners of my mind and jump out at me from photographs. If I were granted one wish, it would be to steal back just one chaotic day with these little blonde tots with ALL their nonsense. I would call my mother to join us, she was the BEST gran and very involved (but that's another story for another day!}and I would savour every moment of it!
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