I have written much of my daughters and my experiences mothering these imps throughout the years, what was often stressful and horrifying then is, in retrospect funny and the memories bring a smile to my face. I even laugh at times when recalling something which could have been brought back to mind by a song, smell, or picture.
I also have an only child.
God has a sense of humour - I know this, actually, He must have a terrific sense of humour! My only child crept up on me, and what a wonderful gift from God. As I was watching my daughters grow up, become independent and slowly move away from me, I was blessed with a boy child, and what I difference I found there to be between girls and boys! Brian was like 3 children rolled into one and anyone who has a bunch of them deserves a medal! This one child had me running as fast as the girls did - or it could be that I was older and not used to it anymore??
THEIR life experiences have been very different, and mine with them as well.
A bushel of children need to learn pretty young certain rules. In the girls case and during a war, they had to learn to obey without arguing, it could save their lives. Obedience in certain situations were deal breakers. Next, if we were to go out as a family for a meal they had to learn to sit through it so that everyone could enjoy the meal and the company. I was once told that I was too strict on them and told our host that if I was not strict we would not have been able to enjoy one another's company as we just had'
For Brian, his life was very different. He learned many thing from his older sisters, they definitely contributed to his knowledge of how the world works. Without realising it they taught him CONTROL. As soon as this baby cried he had 3 willing sisters in a race to get to him first. ADORATION. He had 3 playmates and someone was always at hand to relieve his boredom, boredom just wasn't on his radar.
The girls grew into beauties (we all have them hey?) and as usually happens, boys appeared, hundreds of them traipsing through the house, drinking all the coffee and guess what that meant for Brian - more people to play with his lego with him, his cars with him and some used to come to take him to the skateboard track.
But one day, he realised that he was not the adored baby brother any longer with undivided attention, at least not since all the boys had arrived. He knew he had POWER over people and became DEMANDING to the point that his sisters, when they wanted privacy with their friends had to PAY HIM OFF to get him out from behind the couch and spying on them, or worse still, joining in the conversation. You see, they had taught him EXTORTION.
Soon I had complaints from the sisters, I had spoiled him, they had never been allowed to do THAT, he ALWAYS got his own way etc etc. (who was it did the spoiling?) Yes, I did spoil him a bit, everything about his life and theirs was different. He stayed in our bed for a year to make feeding easier. Imagine 3 babies in my bed all groping my boobs, like a litter of kittens! GOOD GRIEF.
Not long after I weaned him I discovered that he had a fraction in his blood missing without which he would have surely died as a newborn had I formula fed him. The fraction that was missing was gammaglobulin and the only things that would boost his weak immune system came from breast milk or gammaglobulin injections. He was in hospital weeks after me weaning him and this set the pattern for his pre-school years.
He was and is fearless. Something else that was a cause of great concern. Pain is a sign of something being wrong, we all know that, but his pain threshhold was very high and nearly got me into a whole heap of trouble once. When he was 2 and a half he rolled off our low bed, and the screams of pain took me quite aback. I took him to the doctor who, after ascertaining that he could not lift his right arm, ordered xrays. Upon their return the doctor inspected them, and looking at me over his glassed asked"when did he break his colar bone" "He didn't" I replied. But upon inspecting the xray, even I could see the truth of it. "This break is 2 weeks old, it is already mending" he said. He filled in a form and gave it to me, "what is this?" I asked, "body xrays" came the blunt reply. HE THINKS I ABUSE MY CHILD my thoughts screamed at me. I was mortified. There was no other damage of course and the doctor said it was procedure. But it was then that we discovered that when Brian was sick, he was probably very VERY sick. By the age of 2 and a half he had broken his nose twice, colar bone once, at 6 his arm by falling from the top of a tree, and acquired 7 stitches by diving into a swimming pool wall. He never seemed to feel the injections, LOVED to watch in fact (morbid child). He was also swimming in the deepend of the pool with the men at the age of 3, not fear of water, he just used to jump in and basically taught himself!
Now, today, the girls are still close, but they all married and have children of their own, they do not know their brother as only mothers know each of her children. Brian does not know all his sisters.
His teen years were not as happy as his sisters, but I always believed in him and knew what he was capable of. Believe in your children, be their champion because if you have a good relationship with them they will not want to let you down so they will work hard for your approval. I am glad I did, and he did not disappoint me.
I weep as my late lamb stands on the threshold of parenthood himself. His baby boy is due any day. You deserve this joy Brian.
I believe that you can do this too.
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