"If I knew then what I know now......."
How many have said that. I have, often.
When I was growing up there were many times I questioned my parents about certain keyplayers in my life whom I did not know and wanted to. I was often shut down. Frustrating.
Many years later I found my own children asking the same things of me, yes, I shut them down or gave them not such glowing character references (which is why they need not worry about them). I did not want them to get too close to anyone who could threaten my relationship with my children in case I should lose a part of them to someone else. I felt very threatened when their father remarried for example.
Then I made a decision. They had a right to question, after all the changes in their lives was not of their doing, and they had a right too to decide how much of themselves they would share. Wisdom.
I did not lose their love or any part of them, I had just lost a lot of time obsessing that I would, and now in hindsight I see my foolishness. Love is not measured, there is always enough to go around, and because new people come into our lives, does not mean that we love the "oldies" any less!
To leave children unanswered questions about their lives, and not being upfront with them leaves them very frustrated.
I didn't get it growing up, but I get it now as history often repeats itself and I now understand why my parents made the decisions they did for my life, I also thank them for it. For now I see that fear, and also there is a little jealously that anyone else may have a part in my childrens affections. I also see how much they must have loved me.
I am working on a project for my grown children and grandchildren at the moment. It is to trace their ancestors, obtainining photos of great great grandparents (did they REALLY) wear clothes like that! Blood lines on both their fathers and my sides of the family. They will see where they fit into the family, these people who would never know their descendants. Since my husbands stroke the project has slowed down a little as I have little time for me.
Now why, I ask myself, is researching ancestors so fascinating to us and why, on the other hand, when myself as a child and my children question parents about the here and now is it sometimes so painful?
The difference is that one group is history, and we live in the present. It is also where all our emotions live too.
So, in hindsight, I wish I had been a Solomon among men. Wisdom is probably the only thing I really wish I had not had to wait so long for.
To think that one day my descendants (and yours) will research us and find us fascinating (and wonder at our clothes too!)
Just do the right thing and answer the questions without bias, you will lose nothing but gain far more than you ever imagined.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
THE CHANGING SEASONS OF LIFE
As I have journeyed through life, I have planned continually in exactly the same way you have. ha ha.
Now those of you who are 40 upwards, think back to your teens and twenties, the dreams you had and the plans you made, either on your own or with your new husband. The world was your oyster, it is exciting, you move into your first flat, your own your first house, have your first child.
Staying in your 40's up, you will know by now that life throws you curved balls and we make wrong choices. As a result the wonderful life we foresaw never happened.
Many of us don't even have the same husband we made all those plans with. You may be in a bad financial position because of it, it you were sensible through you may have salveged some financial security for yourself if you are a woman. If not, hold on tight, your life is about to change course! It may be for the better - or not. So many ifs.....
After my marriage ended, I lost financial security and the world in which I found myself was a sink or swim world. There was an upside, I am stronger in the sense that I can cope with things I never thought myself capable of. I never feared much, to the frustration of my family, now I fear not at all, I have been there and survived. I have lived from time to time among people with no work skills, starving children (heartbreaking) abused children and wives, and yes, even a few abused men. It is best to harden you heart if you want to keep body and soul together.
My husband and I have even been offered a 'job'. Get this .... very well paid, we are told, involves travel, it is that of a courier. Which basically means you put your life on the line for the thriving drug lords by couriering drugs through 7 continents on a passport that is made for you, not in your name of course, and at the end of it all you will be R40 000.00 richer! Wow, what an offer! Everyone I know who has fallen into this trap is doing life in some foreign prison! I learned to be vigilent and circumspect.
My wrong choices toughened me up which is a good thing, but they also caused a whole bunch of problems and heartaches.
So we look back on our lives and wonder what happened. Can any of us pinpoint the moment when things started to go off course, that everything started to go a little crazy and instead of ending up where you imagined, you are on the other side of the track heading off into the unknown and wondering how you got there. It may build character of break us down, THAT choice is yours to make!
Young people, God has a very good plan for your life, it only goes awry if you try to plan it yourself without any sort of guidance because of all those darn choices to make!
I have tried to use negative experiences to grow, to face life head on, go through problems rather than round them, help someone less fortunate, there always is you know. I am less judgmental, more accepting, more appreciative of my family, learned to forgive, to be humble (a hard one).
To my mom, stepdad, and children, who, if they have judged me harshly I did not know about it but were there to pick up the pieces of my sometime shattered life, and with their help and love. They have been beside me during these troubled times since my husband had his stroke. Because of them and my new inner strength, the future doesn's look quite to bleak, so I say ..... bring it on, we CAN do this!
Now those of you who are 40 upwards, think back to your teens and twenties, the dreams you had and the plans you made, either on your own or with your new husband. The world was your oyster, it is exciting, you move into your first flat, your own your first house, have your first child.
Staying in your 40's up, you will know by now that life throws you curved balls and we make wrong choices. As a result the wonderful life we foresaw never happened.
Many of us don't even have the same husband we made all those plans with. You may be in a bad financial position because of it, it you were sensible through you may have salveged some financial security for yourself if you are a woman. If not, hold on tight, your life is about to change course! It may be for the better - or not. So many ifs.....
After my marriage ended, I lost financial security and the world in which I found myself was a sink or swim world. There was an upside, I am stronger in the sense that I can cope with things I never thought myself capable of. I never feared much, to the frustration of my family, now I fear not at all, I have been there and survived. I have lived from time to time among people with no work skills, starving children (heartbreaking) abused children and wives, and yes, even a few abused men. It is best to harden you heart if you want to keep body and soul together.
My husband and I have even been offered a 'job'. Get this .... very well paid, we are told, involves travel, it is that of a courier. Which basically means you put your life on the line for the thriving drug lords by couriering drugs through 7 continents on a passport that is made for you, not in your name of course, and at the end of it all you will be R40 000.00 richer! Wow, what an offer! Everyone I know who has fallen into this trap is doing life in some foreign prison! I learned to be vigilent and circumspect.
My wrong choices toughened me up which is a good thing, but they also caused a whole bunch of problems and heartaches.
So we look back on our lives and wonder what happened. Can any of us pinpoint the moment when things started to go off course, that everything started to go a little crazy and instead of ending up where you imagined, you are on the other side of the track heading off into the unknown and wondering how you got there. It may build character of break us down, THAT choice is yours to make!
Young people, God has a very good plan for your life, it only goes awry if you try to plan it yourself without any sort of guidance because of all those darn choices to make!
I have tried to use negative experiences to grow, to face life head on, go through problems rather than round them, help someone less fortunate, there always is you know. I am less judgmental, more accepting, more appreciative of my family, learned to forgive, to be humble (a hard one).
To my mom, stepdad, and children, who, if they have judged me harshly I did not know about it but were there to pick up the pieces of my sometime shattered life, and with their help and love. They have been beside me during these troubled times since my husband had his stroke. Because of them and my new inner strength, the future doesn's look quite to bleak, so I say ..... bring it on, we CAN do this!
A Special Day
I want to share a special event with you.
My Mom, whom I often speak of and who I refer to often, my Step Father who has stood by us all, at my sister Ann`s wedding which took place in England a month ago, and my youngest sister Colleen, who lives with her family in Dubai. They all met up in Reading for the event. These people I have known and loved all my life.
The wedding took place at a lovely location on the banks of the Thames at a place called Sonning. There were about 75 guests at the wedding. Malcolm, my new brother in law is a very nice fellow, and we wish them a happy life together. Meeting the family for Malcolm must have been quite something. He is an only child from a quiet English family, and is a quiet English Gentleman.
Monday, September 21, 2009
I Want To Share...
My first born daughter with my first born granddaughter and her little sister (my little princess), how different they are to look at!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
WHEN THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE
There are bound to be days
when the sun doesn't shine
When skies are not cheery
and bright;
Days when we're troubled
and weary with care,
And nothing is going quite right...
But on such a day
God is not far away,
His mercies and love
never cease--
When the going is rough
our faith is enough
To bring jus contentment
and peace
Life is the most unpredictable of all things. If you ever want to make God laugh, just try plan your life! Since Andy had his stroke in July, my life has done an about turn. As someone in our support group said yesterday, it is now all about them.
To go anywhere I have to dress him and me, feed him and me, pack the bag behind the wheelchair with a sandwich too, I never forget the sandwich! I learnt the hard way about the sandwich when we were waiting for medication at the hospital and Andy's sugar level dropped (he is diabetic) and I had to abandon him in the wheelchair, run home and make a jam sandwich! Not long after that he kept getting dizzy. I decided to check his sugar level, it was 2.1, not good, way too low. SO thereafter, I added this to my to do list, I had to take over something else he used to do quite capably, make sure he injected himself with the correct amount of insulin and not OD on it.
We have moved into a batchelor flat now which enables him to become more self sufficient and do more for himself which obviously helps me. I have to keep an eye on him though because he does things without telling me what he plans to do, sometimes with disasterous effects.
I bought a non slip mat the the shower, yes Murphy' law was there in the shower too and he slipped for the first time. We have learnt to laugh at many things, a sinse of humour is a must as it is too easy to fall into a pattern of selfpity and depression, and there is no room for that in our lives no matter how bad or sad things are, laughter is definitely the best medicine of all.
Every day there are small triumphs. He now shaves himself. Not as well as I had learnt to, now THAT was a challenge. Try shaving your man, that bristly hair that never seems to stop growing, grows in more than one direction I discovered, especially on the neck, yes, big challenge to shave the neck! It used to be that the big challenges in life were knitting patterns, just try shaving a face and NECK. And try and get the hair off the top lip without cutting him to pieces. God definitely has a good sense of humour.
Sometimes he will sound quite normal, then he loses his words and I make suggestions until we find the right one.The speech therapist is making him a 'necklace' with familiar objects on it that he uses in daily life. He wants a photo of all the grandchildren with their names on so he can refer to who he is speaking about. I am collecting pics this week of cokes to chips.
The powers that be in our municality are attempting to 'fix' Durban up for 20/10, so they have started b y digging everything up. Something else to get my head around - pushing a wheelchair along those widewalks without throwing my patient out when I hit something or get jammed in a small hole I didn't see. Avoid sea sand and wind, a deadly combination, those wheels dont move through sand and we get bogged down. Try and stay off the road because although the sidewalk is impassable at times, the traffic can be lethal.
My silver lining? That he will get better, if not 100%, his sharp mind will return, I will have my friend back to talk to and who will even help with decisions again!. What a wonderful day that will be!
PRIDE COMES BEFORE A FALL - a lesson learnt
I would like to pay tribute to my children and mother who help in unbelievable and selfless ways. They have relieved financial stress as Andy is now on disability. I don't have sleepless nights crying into my pillow. How blessed can a mother and daughter be?
Thursday, September 3, 2009
LITTLE BLOGGER - THE 2ND GENERATION
In February this year, my 2nd daughter Kerry introduced me to blogging. All 3 of my daughters blogged and so were always in touch with one another, other family members and friends. The links to their sites are in the left margin.
It has brought far more to my life than I ever could have imagined. However, when it comes to all the details - well, Kerry is my editor and she is responsible for my new look, all the pictures, yes, and to the links as well!
A few months ago I dedicated a post to my 2 eldest grandchildren Vicky-Leigh and Tessni entitled "The Wonder Years". If you go to Kerry's blog on there is a link to young Tessni's blog. It makes me a very proud gramma when I not only had the priviledge of raising my own children in the way of the Lord, but watch them all raise their children in the same way. For me? My biggest reward is experiencing a promise of God come to me because I was obedient and raised them up in the way that they should go. I have been blessed. Many of us will know the flip side of this is that the sins of the fathers is visited upon their children, and that would have been devestating.
What I look forward to? More blogging grandchildren as they all grow older so that I can be a part of THEIR lives as I really have seen so little of them. Distance is a huge problem and the cost of travel almost out of sight.
Tessni is a delightful, affectionate and well mannered young girl. During the week I stayed with them I saw a little of what I was missing. During that week there was one evening I did sigh with relief when there was a mom/daughter conflict!
She loves beading and maybe she will tell you of her interest in entrepeneurs. She has all the equipment and makes lovely necklaces, bangles, keyrings and more. She also personalises them.
Well done Tess, very proud of you girl!
It has brought far more to my life than I ever could have imagined. However, when it comes to all the details - well, Kerry is my editor and she is responsible for my new look, all the pictures, yes, and to the links as well!
A few months ago I dedicated a post to my 2 eldest grandchildren Vicky-Leigh and Tessni entitled "The Wonder Years". If you go to Kerry's blog on there is a link to young Tessni's blog. It makes me a very proud gramma when I not only had the priviledge of raising my own children in the way of the Lord, but watch them all raise their children in the same way. For me? My biggest reward is experiencing a promise of God come to me because I was obedient and raised them up in the way that they should go. I have been blessed. Many of us will know the flip side of this is that the sins of the fathers is visited upon their children, and that would have been devestating.
What I look forward to? More blogging grandchildren as they all grow older so that I can be a part of THEIR lives as I really have seen so little of them. Distance is a huge problem and the cost of travel almost out of sight.
Tessni is a delightful, affectionate and well mannered young girl. During the week I stayed with them I saw a little of what I was missing. During that week there was one evening I did sigh with relief when there was a mom/daughter conflict!
She loves beading and maybe she will tell you of her interest in entrepeneurs. She has all the equipment and makes lovely necklaces, bangles, keyrings and more. She also personalises them.
Well done Tess, very proud of you girl!
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