Recently, as it so often does, my analytical mind drifted slowly back over the years, resting upon the people I love, many I have loved and are still in my heart and mind.
Including the pharmacy lady who has sold me disprin for 7 years whose name I don't even know but we greet one another like long lost friends! If I moved away I would just find another pharmacy lady, so easily can she be replaced in MY life.........
Why do I not "love" them all. We are told to love one another as He has loved us. Mmmmm..... sorry, I don't even KNOW the whole of mankind, so for a mere human such as I, that would be impossible.
But this is what I am able to give to the people in my heart and mind.
For my mother, I have known her for as long as I can remember, so that would be forever for me. She went through the discomfort of pregnancy and the pain of childbirth, the exasperation of raising me, saving me from myself in my teens, giving me wisdom with my children. And hey - the miracle is that she still loves me! She has taught me to love, care, have empathy and sympathy for others. I learned from her example. She will always have my love, gratitude and respect.
My husband (profile 1) - we shared intimacies, planned a family and a future, raised children together (did not always agree on that one though)! We share 4 lovely children and our 7th grandchild is on the way. He has been there most of my life and will always have a place in my heart.
My husband (profile 2) Quite a different relationship altogether and cannot be compared to profile 1. He has 3 grown children who have another mother and has a past that I did not share in as did not share in mine. I am blessed that I can speak of my past and he can speak of his. Neither should be forgotten and we both appreciate this. When we are asked how many grandchildren we have we ask, his, hers or the total between us. That's where it gets scary.
Profile 1 and 2 have separate rules I discovered.
Children - I love all 4 adult children equally, each has something special to bring to me and the world around them. My love for them is unconditional, they can become anyone and make as many mistakes they will, I will help to pick up the pieces and carry on. It doesn't get better than that.
Grandchildren. These little people are very special and I can love them any way I want to. Freely, on my terms, I can allow them to do anything, take what liberties they may without any of the fall out or the responsibility! You have to agree that that is a good thing to have!
Last but certainly not least, my two sisters, who were years younger than I so it was not easy being a part of their lives. I do remember playing with them as babies and fighting with them as they grew up, all the things siblings do. I love them dearly and no distance between us will change that.
So, to sum up, I will do my best not to take for granted my relationship with others lightly, to nuture them, not cause them pain knowingly, to acknowledge when I am wrong and not to judge them as I do not see their hearts. That is my goal, but, alas, not matter how hard I try I fear I shall fall short of being perfect in my efforts due to my humity, so all I can do is ask for forgiveness when I am wrong, patience until realisation dawns, because my best will not be the best it should be or the best I want it to be.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
MOTHERS ARE.....
.....far more than just mothers.
My experience as a mother and skills that I have learned, have prepared me for the rest of my life.
I think of my fumbling first efforts as I changed my first child for the first time. We had NAPPIES then, no oh so easy disposables, and trying to fold it around those skinny little frog legs was the first "mission impossible" for me. Once on, then the boottees if you can find and catch the flailing foot. So now what did I have apart from perspiration all over my face? A huge nappy with a midget inside. The nappy had boottees, mittens and a woollen hat. It made an enormous amount of noise and through the process of elimination I would eventually discover the cause of all the noise and what the nappy wanted.
During that first week I found that I had come to dearly love this noisy, hungry nappy who was little more than an alimentary canal.
There I had it. It was completely unable to do anything for itself, couldn't even say "hey ma, thanks for that, I feel better now" let alone give me a high five.
Time passed and as I had learned to keep this little mite alive and well, my confidence and abilities grew. But something else happened too.
I had a God given instinct to protect, nuture, love and guide with understanding and a certain amount of patience (that was an ongoing work in progress) this wee babe.
Time passed and I learned to never interfere with their efforts to feed (peanut butter sammies stuck to the wall) to dress (bite my tongue) or to brush their hair (good grief). They gave themselves haircuts too (eeeeeeekkkkk!!!!).
They wanted independance and I learned to slowly let go, and eventually they could fly.
God saw my tears and He understood my sore heart, and he was there to tend to me.
As I grew older I realised that life had many other hills for me to climb.
My first husband had a heart attack at an early age but recovered fully. My second husband had a stroke.
He became like a child again. He could not walk, make himself understood clearly, I devised a "charade" system of communication for a while. I shaved him, showered him, washed and brushed his hair and teeth. Trying to keep his pride intact.
But I had done all those things before and the instincts were not dormant but alive and well, just not needed again until this time. They came to my rescue.
Now, 3 months on, he walks unaided for short distances, understands more, he is re-learning words he knew, his speech is clear, he shaves himself, washes half his body himself, brushes his own hair and teeth.
My body no longer aches from lifting him and I have more time for myself. I can leave him for short periods at a time if need be. He is blessed to have a second chance at life.
As my children did he has grown more independant and is moving away from his dependance on me in the same way that my children did.
But this time I cry no tears and my heart is glad.
My experience as a mother and skills that I have learned, have prepared me for the rest of my life.
I think of my fumbling first efforts as I changed my first child for the first time. We had NAPPIES then, no oh so easy disposables, and trying to fold it around those skinny little frog legs was the first "mission impossible" for me. Once on, then the boottees if you can find and catch the flailing foot. So now what did I have apart from perspiration all over my face? A huge nappy with a midget inside. The nappy had boottees, mittens and a woollen hat. It made an enormous amount of noise and through the process of elimination I would eventually discover the cause of all the noise and what the nappy wanted.
During that first week I found that I had come to dearly love this noisy, hungry nappy who was little more than an alimentary canal.
There I had it. It was completely unable to do anything for itself, couldn't even say "hey ma, thanks for that, I feel better now" let alone give me a high five.
Time passed and as I had learned to keep this little mite alive and well, my confidence and abilities grew. But something else happened too.
I had a God given instinct to protect, nuture, love and guide with understanding and a certain amount of patience (that was an ongoing work in progress) this wee babe.
Time passed and I learned to never interfere with their efforts to feed (peanut butter sammies stuck to the wall) to dress (bite my tongue) or to brush their hair (good grief). They gave themselves haircuts too (eeeeeeekkkkk!!!!).
They wanted independance and I learned to slowly let go, and eventually they could fly.
God saw my tears and He understood my sore heart, and he was there to tend to me.
As I grew older I realised that life had many other hills for me to climb.
My first husband had a heart attack at an early age but recovered fully. My second husband had a stroke.
He became like a child again. He could not walk, make himself understood clearly, I devised a "charade" system of communication for a while. I shaved him, showered him, washed and brushed his hair and teeth. Trying to keep his pride intact.
But I had done all those things before and the instincts were not dormant but alive and well, just not needed again until this time. They came to my rescue.
Now, 3 months on, he walks unaided for short distances, understands more, he is re-learning words he knew, his speech is clear, he shaves himself, washes half his body himself, brushes his own hair and teeth.
My body no longer aches from lifting him and I have more time for myself. I can leave him for short periods at a time if need be. He is blessed to have a second chance at life.
As my children did he has grown more independant and is moving away from his dependance on me in the same way that my children did.
But this time I cry no tears and my heart is glad.
Monday, October 5, 2009
THE EYES ARE THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL
We have a "photo wall" in our flat. All our favourite photos are there. My children in their various stages of growth, from babies, to toddlers, school photos (some I see have teeth missing in their grade 1 photos!) a few shots of them in their teens, and then as adults. The girls, Shirley Ann, Kerry Lyn and Lisa Jane all looking identical and 1 year apart.
I remember no one ever knowing which one was which ......"I saw one of your girls today, don't know which one, they all look the same..." They became known as The Nimmo Girls in school - but actually they were the original Spice Girls. I will tell you why.
This morning I studied the face of each one taken by a professional photographer when they were very young. Thats when I realised that cliches have been around for every because they are true. THE EYES ARE THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL.
They may have all looked the same on the outside, but inside and were and are 3 very different people. In Shirley's eyes I saw gentleness, in Kerry's eyes I saw tolerance and acceptance and in Lisa's eyes, mischief and humour.
I reflected on each of them and saw the people they have become, it was there so many years ago, reflected in their eyes as little children, other qualities emerged as the years have gone by and they have each been touched by joy, sadness, pain and suffered knocks along the way. So each has become like a fingerprint, a unique person who could never be replaced.
They had some fun with the likeness in looks, and they came clean once they had grown and told me of some of the things that they managed to get up to and get away with! They told me this story. Shirley was the first to get her ID book. They would all go to a club (unbeknown to us), Shirley produced her ID and went to the ladies, there she passed her ID book to Kerry, who entered the night club on the same ID, she in turn went to the ladies and yes, you guessed, passed it to Lisa who also had fun in the nightclub! I am so glad I only found these things out once they were grown and had survived.
Brian on the other hand was a late lamb. He was the opposite to his sisters in more ways than one! His colouring was opposite favouring my side of the family. In his eyes as a tot I saw gentleness, mischief and determination. That is the child he grew into and the adult he became. I discovered that boys were far more independant than girls, stubborn and physical too. Chancers, risk takers and they can be very single minded! I am glad that as a baby his eyes did not give everything away, I would have had a nuclear melt down if I knew then what I know now. BLESS ALL YOU MUMS WHO ONLY HAVE SONS!
But I survived and so did he.
Its the eyes, all in the eyes.
I remember no one ever knowing which one was which ......"I saw one of your girls today, don't know which one, they all look the same..." They became known as The Nimmo Girls in school - but actually they were the original Spice Girls. I will tell you why.
This morning I studied the face of each one taken by a professional photographer when they were very young. Thats when I realised that cliches have been around for every because they are true. THE EYES ARE THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL.
They may have all looked the same on the outside, but inside and were and are 3 very different people. In Shirley's eyes I saw gentleness, in Kerry's eyes I saw tolerance and acceptance and in Lisa's eyes, mischief and humour.
I reflected on each of them and saw the people they have become, it was there so many years ago, reflected in their eyes as little children, other qualities emerged as the years have gone by and they have each been touched by joy, sadness, pain and suffered knocks along the way. So each has become like a fingerprint, a unique person who could never be replaced.
They had some fun with the likeness in looks, and they came clean once they had grown and told me of some of the things that they managed to get up to and get away with! They told me this story. Shirley was the first to get her ID book. They would all go to a club (unbeknown to us), Shirley produced her ID and went to the ladies, there she passed her ID book to Kerry, who entered the night club on the same ID, she in turn went to the ladies and yes, you guessed, passed it to Lisa who also had fun in the nightclub! I am so glad I only found these things out once they were grown and had survived.
Brian on the other hand was a late lamb. He was the opposite to his sisters in more ways than one! His colouring was opposite favouring my side of the family. In his eyes as a tot I saw gentleness, mischief and determination. That is the child he grew into and the adult he became. I discovered that boys were far more independant than girls, stubborn and physical too. Chancers, risk takers and they can be very single minded! I am glad that as a baby his eyes did not give everything away, I would have had a nuclear melt down if I knew then what I know now. BLESS ALL YOU MUMS WHO ONLY HAVE SONS!
But I survived and so did he.
Its the eyes, all in the eyes.
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