PORTRAIT OF MY MOTHER

"Gay, if I had known you were going to put THAT photo on your blog, I would have fixed my hair!" or "I look so OLD", Old? I ask myself, No mom, a work of art.

In that face I see a wonderful tapestry of a life lived to it's fullest - I see sunshine, rain falling, a breaking heart, a lifetime overflowing with memories of young and grown children. A grandmother to 6 grandchildren, almost 7 great grandchildren.

A loving, caring soul, involved in a multitude of things, a young mind. A tapestry I have the priviledge of being woven into and have known for 58 years. Unstoppable love for her children, she has passed on her wisdom and values to me, in turn I have passed them onto my children and they have passed them onto their children. This wise soul has helped shaped 3 generations of descendants. She has a brain full of information, even, in her own words "useless information!" (not so useless at times). I would love to pick that brain and find out what it was like for her to be a 6 year old girl at the outbreak of World War 2.

I wish I had appreciated her more. My understanding of what she as a mother was up against, what she feared for her children, only came to me years later when I became a mother. I am still learning to understand as she has a 19 year start on me! I never realised what a strong person she was until after the fact, there was nothing she could not fix.

When I was 5 months pregnant with my first child, now the mother of 2 young daughters herself, I clearly remember mom studying me for a long time, then with sternnes in her voice said "If you do not give that baby a proper routine, I shall take it away from you" In mom's eyes I suppose I was a child havining a child! I only understood how she felt many years later when that same baby had her first baby! I wondered if she would know what to do with it, what it would need and if they would have the stamina for all that would be asked of her as a mom.

Well, God in his wisdom has instilled a wonderful instinct in girl babies which lies dormant and kicks in wonderfully when they need it!

So mom, my beautiful work of art, I have printed, at the top, a lovely photo of you taken some years ago, your hair is just fine and you glow!

Beauty truly is on the inside, outer beauty is but a fleeting thing, but within, the mind, the heart and the soul, thats what counts!

ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?

There is something different about this morning.

I lay awake and look around me - ah, thats it! There is a MAN in my bed!

Yes, would you believe it was one of those rare occasions in our home when dad lay down his weapons of war, gave up the ration packs and made his way home for leave!

He was probably curious to know how many additions there were to the family since he was last home - (joking, almost).

Well girl, no more doing your own thing in your own time, go bring some boring order to this home!

I jump out of bed (ha ha), but the kettle on, make up bottles and feeding cups, change nappies, we then all pile back into the double bed, toddlers and Caesar the dog too who demanded full family rights. They are in high spirits "look how far my tea can go if I shake my bottle\cup" I can hear them say, the memory is very vivid and messy.

Once the frivolity dies down a bit, I get every one up, dressed, fed and watered and deposit them amongst their toys in the lounge. Then sort myself out, tidy up as best I can, then - nothing.

No! hey! Dad is back, lets do some fun family thing like, my favourite as it kept the mess outside, A PICNIC.

Did I just see dad's eyes glaze over? I pretend not to notice and press on. We start to put together a picnic basket, must take the kettle too for more tea (think the tea thing came from my mom, tea first, everything else later.)

Right, we can go, but dad starts work at 2.00pm, after all being on leave meant they went back to their normal jobs. He was a policeman - so what's the difference you may wonder, the difference was that he came home more often.

Back to the picnic. We set off to the safety of a nearby dam where we unpack. First things first, I put the kettle on (did you get that mom?). The girls were positively gleeful when they saw all that mucky sand and dirt! As I remember it, Kerry walked into the kettle spilling its contents despite the fact that there was miles of open space to play in. I even have the photo. Lisa tried to climb the tree just beyond the kettle and I find it fascinating how small children just tramp on each other to reach their destination. Needless to say that little charade ended up with both in tears, me getting them back on their feet, dusting the leaves and sand of them, placating them with "shhhh it's all over, better now hmmm? they turn accusing eyes and black streaked faces to me as if to say "and you would know how?" Shirley wandered off collecting odds and ends for the interest table at nursery school - "follow her" I shriek at my happy outdoorsy husband who was trying to blend into the undergrowth. I still had not sat down.

Pictures!! We must take pictures to look at in years to come so that we can remember how very much we all enjoyed out family outing! I position my husband on a rock (above) and instruct him to hold them all and NOT let one roll off. I have the photo but it was taken at a distance so all that can be seen is a man on a huge rock gripping 3 squirming children for dear life - fortunately we cannot see his expression.

Well, that enjoyable outing over, and I am reminded that work starts at 2pm, my husband packed the car in double quick time, caught each child as it attempted to play "catch me if you can" to shrieks to laughter. Whew, when will I be able to SIT.

Once home, in a blur of speed, dad cleaned up, doned his uniform and bade us each a fond farewell, then got out of there before I came up with some other ideas about family bonding!


I then dragged my 3 dirty, tired, irritable children off to the bathroom where they were scrubbed from head to foot. Lisa is in the foreground with her "lets support Rhodesia" T shirt on, her hair is still wet, and the other two? looks to me as though they are shredding my plants. Don't care, I get a chair and sit.

And enjoy another cup of tea!

REUNION!!!!

top left : Lisa, gran and Kerry
bottom photo: top, JP, Natalia, Tessni Bottom row: Brian and Louisa, Lisa, Kerry holding Shanni
Johan, Kerry's husband

The family missing is Shirley, Trevor, Vicky and Jessie, who live in Cape Town


From the time my children were very young I tried to instil in them a strong bond for one another. So often we grow up, marry, leave home, leaving too all the memories we had of our siblings during school days, dating, - we fought and loved together too.

Then guess what, we marry and do not see one another for another 25 years! We have no idea what kind of lives our sibilings have, the traumas they have had to face, knowing their children as they grew, and the closeness is gone from us and they have become cleaved (as it should be) to someone else and formed a new family with its own identity.

I hardly know my sister Ann in England other than what our mom tells me (thank goodness for her), she has no children but married recently to a wonderful man, and he must be wonderful if he has made her happy! A very picky young child she was and I guess she stayed that way!

Then there is Colleen, a little younger. I had more contact with her and did know her children for some time. But we visited one another mainly as we were the only 2 in the family who presented our mom with her only 2 grandsons within 5 months of one another! Colleen is now in Dubai as her husband is an engineer, and they have moved around the world most of their married lives. If it were not for MOM, I really wonder whether we would even by in touch today. Very, very sad, as we are blood and family is very important. There was a large age difference between myself and Ann and Colleen. I was in class 1 when Ann was born and they had this kind of click which did not include me, I felt it was my right to tease and torment them, especially Ann. I was the BOSS. When I married they were both in school still speaking their secret language, and when I had my first child, Shirley, they were STILL in school. So you see, they were close and still are, and I kind of float around out in space trying to remember them as we grew up! In my minds eye I see (don't laugh) myself and my mom in a bubble, Ann and Colleen and mom in another bubble, and a large bubble encompassing all of us. How strange the mind is.

I am sorry that we did not keep up for all those years, but since the internet and emailing is now available, and my daughter in Middleeburg introduced me to it, I am getting to know them, I receive pics from them, news, it is wonderful, I feel a part of their lives, and there are no more clicks!

I partly succeeded with my children. They too live far from one another, with 2 in Cape Town and 2 in Middleburg, so there is still a close connection. The girls are very close in age which has helped, having 3 teenage daughters in the home at one time was harrowing. We had an endless stream of boys, the coffee, sugar and milk disappeared before my very eyes too.

Then Brian came along some 11 years later, he was a gentle and kindhearted little boy, he had many friends so there were sleepovers etc.

They grew up and yes, you guessed it, 2 married and started families with its own essence, and the sisters grew away to a certain degree from the others. Lisa, who is the mother of Natalia, was married for a short while, but is now an excellent single mom, Natalia started school last week. See my last post! Brian and Louisa are presenting me with my 7th grandchild.

Now, if you will take a look at the photos at the top of the post, you will see something that I will not forget for the rest of my life. Lisa made a huge effort, stretched her finances, and went to visit her sibilings and her grandmother whom she has not seen for 10 years. I was probably more excited than they all were! She and her gran have not seen one another for 10 years, so gran has never seen this great grandchild (Natalia). Kerry, she has not seen Kerry for 10 years either.

So, the last time Lisa saw Kerry (and there is only l year between them) was when Tessni was l year old, she is 11 now. So she does not know JP, and certainly not 17 month old Shanni. Kerry in her turn has only seen photos of Natalia.

Lisa and Brian were always close over the years and he was 14 the last time she saw him, and did not recognise this tall hairy man who was her little brother!

I hope they do not leave it for another 10 years, that would be very sad, but now that the ball has started rolling, my prayer for you all is that you all go that extra mile to share old memories, and I know you have plenty! and give the coursins a chance to know one another.

Well done Lisa, brave girl to travel from Cape Town to Middleburg with a child.

That's the spirit!

GIANT STEP INTO A NEW ERA

Today was one of the biggest, most exciting milestones in my 6th granddaughter Natalia's young life.

She started BIG SCHOOL and was very excited, it was something new and it MUST be important as mom has spoken about how wonderful it will be for ages now. THEN there was that huge rush buying uniforms, including matching brooks, shoes and socks, and all that stationary. Can ANYTHING be more exciting then to embark on such an adventure when a girl is 6!

For mom.......she is devastated, her baby is taking a giant step into the world, and she has a lump in her throat the size of an apple, she is weepy and wonders if she will survive this ordeal. She did not sleep well the night before, tossing and turning, she wears dark glasses to hide the evidence of her ordeal.

Every minute of the day, until 12 noon her mind is nowhere else but in that classroom where she handed her child over to ANOTHER WOMAN. Will she understand her, be able to 'read' her as she herself can, will she have fun today and look forward to tomorrow or will mom have to drag her kicking and screaming? Each child reacts differently, every mom the same, with heavy hearts.

Natalia will be more tired than normal today as more is expected of her. This is not preschool where the rules are more flexible, but this is the first step into learning to integrate into society one day so that she may become a contributing citizen, and rounded adult.

However, I know ONE little girl who had it all figured out and had sized up the situation on her 1st day of school years before. I was called in by the teacher on THE FIRST DAY and was told that Lisa had thrown all her pencils, crayons and her sissors out of the window. She told us they 'fell out of the window'. Do you want to know what this imaginative 6 year old said when taken to task? "If I have no pencils or crayons, then I can't go back to school!"

Well, Natalia is a chip off the old block so I wonder how this day will end for her.

Lisa, I am feeling your anguish baby girl, but it gets better and can even be an exciting road for the 2 of you to travel along together, making plenty of memories along the way, so, take her by the hand and walk with her - you will be amazed at the blessings that come your way.

And it just keeps getting better.

MY WONDERFUL YEAR OF DISCOVERY

Above : Brian born 11
years after his sisters

My precious daughters for whom life was hard.

It is almost a year now since that fateful day when Kerry, my daughter in Middleburg, introduced me to the world of blogging.

At the time I had no plan for its purpose other then as a means to keep abreast with what was happening in my offsprings lives and the lives of my grandchildren.

As time went by, it took on a life on its own and evolved into a series of short stories of my life, the lives of my children and the event that took place before my children were born, and durinig times when they were too young to remember. It has told them of what life was like for them in war torn Rhodesia. The funny, the sad and the melancholy things that were our lives.

They came to love these stories as time had blurred them in their young minds.

The stories always came to me, I never an agenda. A photo, a comment made, and there it was glimpse into the past. It promoted great interest in them in their heritage as 2nd generation Rhodesians. A country their father fought for, and one we all believed in.

I loved the crystal clear clarity as I travelled with them and had the prigiledge of taking them on that journey.

I recalled the immense support I received from my mom. we were travel partners is so many ways. She was there when Kerry fell off her toy cupboard and concussed herself. She was my strength is so many ways. Our menfolk were most often absent.

I am thankful that they were too small to remember to know that they were not living as freely or safely as many other children.

We could not travel on the roads without going in convoys, and they learnt from tots how to read the bush, noises of the bush were good, it meant there were no intruders in the countryside, silence was not good, and dad would drive with one had on his pistol, his eyes moving left and right, the childrens lives depended upon complete obedience without question, and when told to get on the floor, that is what they did, immediately. Their lives were harsh and disciplined for such small children,

We did the best we could to bring them joy, to laugh and teach them that there were always silver linings. They had parents who loved them and we loved them.

But, praise God, nothing lasts for ever, and there came a time when they were able to live as normal little girls.

My son knew better times, and it was a joy to be able to raise a child without fear.

I remarried when he was 10 and he spent his teen years with my self and my second husband, who never stood between us.

My journey has been full of discovery. I have found humour, lost joy, understanding, patience, insight and wisdom, and yes, step by tiny step I have found me and all I thought I had lost.

...FOR THE TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGING...

I had to share these two photos with you. The first one is my mother holding Brian, my son when he was 4 days old.

The second, he is holding my mother 20 years later at the age of 24.

This is a beautiful illustration of how life changes, and who we become. Family is very importand. If you are blessed with a loving family, treasurer them and treat them well, caring for them and love them at all times, never taking them for granted.

I hope that my family does not think that I take them for granted, because I appreciate every little thing they do for me during these difficult times, and love them dearly for it.

CHRISTMAS FROM THE PAST

The Pictures you see above are 22 years old. It was taken in 1987 when my own children, who are grown now with children of their own, were small and experiencing the wonders of Christmas.

In both pictures Lisa is standing next to the tree. She has a 6 year old daughter today. Kerry has the blue nighty on, she has a daughter of 11, son of 9 and daughter of 15 months. Shirley has the pony tail and has 2 daughters today, one 11 years and one of 9 years. The toddler is my son who was 2 in the photo and is 24 now expecting his first child next year.

My husband and I spend christmas quietly now, but it was not always that way.

In years gone by I clearly remember that magical time of year when the excitement mounts as young children help unearth the decorations for the christmas tree. Dad brings it home and a home is found for it in the lounge. Half the furniture has to be rearranged first. The arguments also begin and EVERYONE wants to put the Angel on the top of the tree. We needed 4 headed christmas trees and 4 angels to keep the peace.

There is a last minute flurry as children wrap gifts for one another - sticky tape, scissors and paper are passed from room to room, cries of "don't peep" or "don't come in" come from everywhere. The mood is festive, christmas carols play in the background and everyone sings along in the foreground.

All the mess this exercise has left in its wake is cleared away.

Then each one places their own presents under the tree......MAAAAAAAAAAA.....TELL EVERYONE TO STOP READING THE LABELS!

Whew - I am exhausted. Isn't it bedtime already?

Don't forget the mince pie and beer for father christmas. Beer? Just imagine how muddled he would be if he partook of everyone's hospitality!

Guess what.....THEY ALL HAVE INSOMNIA........ and are trying to figure out ways that they can all catch a peek of father christmas as he shins down the chimney with his sack of goodies and distributes them under the tree.

Dad and I can now do our part. We put the gifts we have, for which father christmas gets credit for, under the tree, dad eats half the pie and drinks some of the beer. That is ALWAYS the first thing they check on. It validates the existence of father christmas for them somehow, I think " be children for a little longer, believe in such things, the real world can be a harsh place and you will be in it for the rest of your lives. As you go through life you will learn to accept that all things move to their end, everything you have and hold you must in time also let go."

But not tonight.