CHILDREN VS PETS

EMPTY NEST SYNDROME/ ..... get a bird

..... or adopt 3 more kids, that' a lot easier.

We inherited a parrot from friends 3 years ago, a parrot, always wanted one, very intelligent and lots of fun to have around! Yeah right ........

Todate I am lucky to have all my fingers and toes, and the scars, well, they eventually fade.

She took over the moment she arrived and then went on to fall in love with my husband, and barely tolerate me. She and I, we have a long standing love/hate relationship. She uses me. If I am eating anything, she sucks up because, despite her less attractive qualities, she knows I have a soft spot for her and will give her some of what I am eating. If I drink anything, more of the same. Parrots have this habit of dunking crusts, buscuits, anything hardish into their water to soften it, but if my coffee is on hand that is even better. As a result, when I get to the end of my coffee I find all sorts of saturated disintegrated food stuffs in the bottom of my cup.

She is very possessive, my husband is hers, my bed is hers, my clothes and make up are all hers. Everything is hers, and I have had to literally fight her off if I get too close to that which is hers. If I try to iron my husband' s clothes whilst she is around, she lands in the middle of it and I have to shut her out of the room to complete my task.

The radio, tv, phone and anyone who wants to speak are all competition for her, and she screams over it all, she will out scream, out damage and out destroy any child. She saves the best for my husband. She fluffs herself up, making the most amazing clicking sound while she flattens her body and puts her wings out. This is the mating call. Then she sees me and becomes quite menopausal and irrational.

This love she has for him even extends to bathing with him. If he forgets to fill a large jug with water and set it down beside him, she lands in his bath with him.

I have to "parrot proof" the flat as even in the bird world idle minds are the devils workshop. There will be the contents of the dressing table, make up, tablets and even the contents of the rubbish bin strewn on the floor. No, she does not have a cage, only a parrot stand. I know, stupid hey.

The best time of the day, why, exactly the same for anyone who has spent an exhausing day with an active toddler, bedtime! She is put firmly on her perch, a sheet is thrown over the stand, and blanket over that.

So, read this when empty nest syndrome comes your way and you are considering alternatives, things are not always what they seem, and sheep definitely come in wolves clothing!