"Do you have children"? people ask me, this is asked usually as an icebreaker, for something to say whilst waiting in queues, on a bus or where ever I find myself next to some one for any length of time. You also know this one "nice weather/awful weather/hot weather/rainy today" etc. But to the first question I answer "yes, 3 girls and a boy, in that order" I see them in my minds eye, the girls blonde and blue eyed and the boy darker with brown eyes. The images are fresh, the children are small, sometimes babies are clear in my mind as if they might come bounding, toddling or crawling past me at any moment, so clear is this picture in my mind. I can easily join in the conversation with others.
Then the next question brings me back too earth with a bump - "how old are they"? I stop dead in my tracks because, you see, my children have children of their own now.
It is a long time since I have seen these little people. It seems they just suddenly disappeared one day.
When they were babies I was constantly working with them, feeding, bathing, plating, carrying all the time, even through the night, more with some than with others! They bacame toddlers and wanted to investigate everything, were inquisitive, danger stalked them, I was their minder and safety net now as well, they depended upon me for all their needs. My involvement with them was all encompassing.
They became school children, more able to detect danger, and to take on certain responsibilities as well. They were gone all morning. Once school acrivities began I saw even less of them. I was now guiding and teaching them values. They had chores and began to take responsibility for themselves and also helped around the house.
Their personalities were so different one from the other, we were 6 different personalities trying to live together, learning consideration, tolerance and sharing. They also knew more than I did and would rather take the teachers word for anything! "Mom, you will NEVER understand", or how about "I didn't ASK to be born" thats to send a mother on a guilt trip, or "I'll be home a bit late today" (I can make my own decisions).
They leave school, home, and go to college. They phone or write when they think of you, they have discovered a whole new world and are busy with studies, friends and socialising. You have now been replaced by their friends!
As a mother you just pray that you have done a proper job with these precious tots loaned from God, and that they will make right choices in life.
Me? I get on with my life now, I have new interests and hobbies, I think back and smile at the many memories I have. There is always a story to be remembered, reminders surround me. Sometimes I shed a tear for babies grown and the buzz of a noisy and hectic family life - this is simply empty nest syndrome if any mothers are in that place, and it does pass!
As they go on to get married and have children, make new friends and go through the whole cycle I have just emerged from my life also changes. I enjoy different things.
But now when I am asked "do you have any children" I return to that time and place so long ago when as tots they needed me constantly, because THOSE little people are the ones I REALLY know intimately. Now I ask myself "do I know these young people?" I don't know their likes and dislikes as I am not around them every day or even every year any more. I will never know my grown up children as I knew I baby children. I love them deeply, their faces are unchanged and are still lovingly familiar, their voices the same. I have also learned many things it would seem! They are wonderful friends to have. How many mom's see young children in their minds eye when asked about them?
They still lurk in the corners of my mind and jump out at me from photographs. If I were granted one wish, it would be to steal back just one chaotic day with these little blonde tots with ALL their nonsense. I would call my mother to join us, she was the BEST gran and very involved (but that's another story for another day!}and I would savour every moment of it!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
MY SILVER LINING
The hour is late, and quiet descends on the small block of flats in which we live as families one by one turn in for the night, after a busy and eventful week. The corridors do not ring out with the laughter and cries of small children as they run after one another in play. In their world, for the majority anyway, they are carefree and happy. They interrups their busy schedules often to visit me while I carry on with household chores, smiling, grubby little faces of all races, all friends and not seeing beyond that. They always want an apple, they know I ALWAYS have apples in the fridge! They shriek with delight as Bokkie the parrot shrieks at them for intruding into HER domain (everything is hers remember) the noise rises as they all try to outdo one another. At this point I cannot but imagine what my mother, who has VERY sensitive hearing would make of this crazy world I live in! The children - they would delight her, but the BIRD, I fear she would smother as we are all tempted to do at one time or another.
People here come from many different walks of life and working mothers are dependant upon other mothers as childcare is way outside their earning capacities. Most of them pull together in these difficult time and help where they can.
It takes me back to a time many years ago when we were living in a war torn country and starting young families. Most, if not all of the men, were called most of the time.
We were living in Salisbury in our first home which was in a young community, and for 5 years, as our children were born, grew and were added onto, we found outselves more often than not on our own, and we too pulled together in a way I have not seen women who live in times of peace pull together.
It was an unspoken arrangement that at 4.00pm ON THE DOT everyday someone would start to stroll around the block with a baby in pram and probably a toddler on a tricycle. As she proceeded, others joined in until we were a huge group of young moms, babies and toddlers, leaving our lonliness at home, laughing, reigning in wayward toddlers. Fractious babies enjoyed the walk in the prams out in the open.
We would then decide which home we would stop and have tea at before disbanding and going our separate ways to bath, feed and bed tired but happy children.
Over the years our little group grew in size and numbers. For just l hour of every afternoon we were not worrying about the safety of absent fathers, being a 'bush widow' and facing parenthood alone wasn't quite so daunting.
That was the silver lining of my life for 5 years. I will always cherish them.
After emigrating to South Africa I found that I could live in a neighbourhood for 3 years and not even know my neighbours name, so busy were they with their lives. In fact, I never got to know what they looked like even as everyone had 6 foot walls around their houses.
My son was born at this time and I made sure that he too had his afternoon walks around the block in the late afternoons. But we did it alone.
People here come from many different walks of life and working mothers are dependant upon other mothers as childcare is way outside their earning capacities. Most of them pull together in these difficult time and help where they can.
It takes me back to a time many years ago when we were living in a war torn country and starting young families. Most, if not all of the men, were called most of the time.
We were living in Salisbury in our first home which was in a young community, and for 5 years, as our children were born, grew and were added onto, we found outselves more often than not on our own, and we too pulled together in a way I have not seen women who live in times of peace pull together.
It was an unspoken arrangement that at 4.00pm ON THE DOT everyday someone would start to stroll around the block with a baby in pram and probably a toddler on a tricycle. As she proceeded, others joined in until we were a huge group of young moms, babies and toddlers, leaving our lonliness at home, laughing, reigning in wayward toddlers. Fractious babies enjoyed the walk in the prams out in the open.
We would then decide which home we would stop and have tea at before disbanding and going our separate ways to bath, feed and bed tired but happy children.
Over the years our little group grew in size and numbers. For just l hour of every afternoon we were not worrying about the safety of absent fathers, being a 'bush widow' and facing parenthood alone wasn't quite so daunting.
That was the silver lining of my life for 5 years. I will always cherish them.
After emigrating to South Africa I found that I could live in a neighbourhood for 3 years and not even know my neighbours name, so busy were they with their lives. In fact, I never got to know what they looked like even as everyone had 6 foot walls around their houses.
My son was born at this time and I made sure that he too had his afternoon walks around the block in the late afternoons. But we did it alone.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
BACK FROM PRETORIA - brrrrrr....
I went to Pretoria as planned to visit my parents who had been burgled. It was wonderful to see them and my parents laptop has a camera at the top which enables her to speak to my sisters overseas. (I sound ignorant hey?). It was a real treat to speak to and see my sister who lives in Dubai, it is many years since we have seen one another but she seems to have changed not one bit!
The security of my parents house has been greatly improved, and there are "eyes" in the garden now too so anyone walking around on the premises is seen and reported in the house via a machine that can be taken to the bedroom, garage etc. My father calls it the "sqwak box", very descriptive!
The weather was another story however, coming from Durban we are not even wearing jerseys most of the time. However, for the past week it has, for us anyway, been FREEZING and the winter woollies and gymies have been haulled out of mothballs. However, at lease when it is cold we can dress for warmth, but in Durban in summer, especially February, you don't want to be here, neither do I. SO, I shall enjoy this wonder cold weather ........
The security of my parents house has been greatly improved, and there are "eyes" in the garden now too so anyone walking around on the premises is seen and reported in the house via a machine that can be taken to the bedroom, garage etc. My father calls it the "sqwak box", very descriptive!
The weather was another story however, coming from Durban we are not even wearing jerseys most of the time. However, for the past week it has, for us anyway, been FREEZING and the winter woollies and gymies have been haulled out of mothballs. However, at lease when it is cold we can dress for warmth, but in Durban in summer, especially February, you don't want to be here, neither do I. SO, I shall enjoy this wonder cold weather ........
INTRUDERS
INTRUDERS
INTRUDERS
Something happened a short while ago that I did believe could happen to anyone, not with the security of passwords etc.
I opened my blog which may not be very glorious to others but the posts I have here have been of occasions and incidents that mean something to and I hope to my family. If others enjoy them then that pleases me.
Can you imagine m y HORROR when I saw a post in MY space entitled "I WANT WHITE WIFE' and went on to say that, whoever this person was, he was Angolan, an accountant, loved a white woman and left an email address.
Hours of stressing as to how anyone could have logically managed to achieve what I thought would have been the impossible, left me stumped. My daughter Kerry who is a computer boffin, managed to delete it, and she then changed the password.
However, I use an internet cafe and a theory came to me, I may or may not be right, but I am sharing this with you so you too may be aware of what can happen on public computers.
I use the same internetcafe and to use the computers I have to buy time, am given a slip of paper with a password on it. The password has to be entered at the top of the screen, then next to it I must click "log on". This clears the wallpaper and I can now get into the computer, start and choose where I want to go.
What I had not realised (maybe, what do you think?) is that I had simply logged out without closing off all my files first. The next person to use the computer would have clicked on contined after entering their password and guess what, they would have been in step by step, and they would have had access to all the other sites I had visited, thus endangering others.
I now make very sure that I close everything and sign off before logging off.
I have often found myself in another persons emails and have had to sign off for them before I can access my mail.
It was a lesson I will not forget.
INTRUDERS
Something happened a short while ago that I did believe could happen to anyone, not with the security of passwords etc.
I opened my blog which may not be very glorious to others but the posts I have here have been of occasions and incidents that mean something to and I hope to my family. If others enjoy them then that pleases me.
Can you imagine m y HORROR when I saw a post in MY space entitled "I WANT WHITE WIFE' and went on to say that, whoever this person was, he was Angolan, an accountant, loved a white woman and left an email address.
Hours of stressing as to how anyone could have logically managed to achieve what I thought would have been the impossible, left me stumped. My daughter Kerry who is a computer boffin, managed to delete it, and she then changed the password.
However, I use an internet cafe and a theory came to me, I may or may not be right, but I am sharing this with you so you too may be aware of what can happen on public computers.
I use the same internetcafe and to use the computers I have to buy time, am given a slip of paper with a password on it. The password has to be entered at the top of the screen, then next to it I must click "log on". This clears the wallpaper and I can now get into the computer, start and choose where I want to go.
What I had not realised (maybe, what do you think?) is that I had simply logged out without closing off all my files first. The next person to use the computer would have clicked on contined after entering their password and guess what, they would have been in step by step, and they would have had access to all the other sites I had visited, thus endangering others.
I now make very sure that I close everything and sign off before logging off.
I have often found myself in another persons emails and have had to sign off for them before I can access my mail.
It was a lesson I will not forget.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
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Friday, June 5, 2009
CHILDREN VS PETS
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME/ ..... get a bird
..... or adopt 3 more kids, that' a lot easier.
We inherited a parrot from friends 3 years ago, a parrot, always wanted one, very intelligent and lots of fun to have around! Yeah right ........
Todate I am lucky to have all my fingers and toes, and the scars, well, they eventually fade.
She took over the moment she arrived and then went on to fall in love with my husband, and barely tolerate me. She and I, we have a long standing love/hate relationship. She uses me. If I am eating anything, she sucks up because, despite her less attractive qualities, she knows I have a soft spot for her and will give her some of what I am eating. If I drink anything, more of the same. Parrots have this habit of dunking crusts, buscuits, anything hardish into their water to soften it, but if my coffee is on hand that is even better. As a result, when I get to the end of my coffee I find all sorts of saturated disintegrated food stuffs in the bottom of my cup.
She is very possessive, my husband is hers, my bed is hers, my clothes and make up are all hers. Everything is hers, and I have had to literally fight her off if I get too close to that which is hers. If I try to iron my husband' s clothes whilst she is around, she lands in the middle of it and I have to shut her out of the room to complete my task.
The radio, tv, phone and anyone who wants to speak are all competition for her, and she screams over it all, she will out scream, out damage and out destroy any child. She saves the best for my husband. She fluffs herself up, making the most amazing clicking sound while she flattens her body and puts her wings out. This is the mating call. Then she sees me and becomes quite menopausal and irrational.
This love she has for him even extends to bathing with him. If he forgets to fill a large jug with water and set it down beside him, she lands in his bath with him.
I have to "parrot proof" the flat as even in the bird world idle minds are the devils workshop. There will be the contents of the dressing table, make up, tablets and even the contents of the rubbish bin strewn on the floor. No, she does not have a cage, only a parrot stand. I know, stupid hey.
The best time of the day, why, exactly the same for anyone who has spent an exhausing day with an active toddler, bedtime! She is put firmly on her perch, a sheet is thrown over the stand, and blanket over that.
So, read this when empty nest syndrome comes your way and you are considering alternatives, things are not always what they seem, and sheep definitely come in wolves clothing!
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