...FOR THE TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGING...

I had to share these two photos with you. The first one is my mother holding Brian, my son when he was 4 days old.

The second, he is holding my mother 20 years later at the age of 24.

This is a beautiful illustration of how life changes, and who we become. Family is very importand. If you are blessed with a loving family, treasurer them and treat them well, caring for them and love them at all times, never taking them for granted.

I hope that my family does not think that I take them for granted, because I appreciate every little thing they do for me during these difficult times, and love them dearly for it.

CHRISTMAS FROM THE PAST

The Pictures you see above are 22 years old. It was taken in 1987 when my own children, who are grown now with children of their own, were small and experiencing the wonders of Christmas.

In both pictures Lisa is standing next to the tree. She has a 6 year old daughter today. Kerry has the blue nighty on, she has a daughter of 11, son of 9 and daughter of 15 months. Shirley has the pony tail and has 2 daughters today, one 11 years and one of 9 years. The toddler is my son who was 2 in the photo and is 24 now expecting his first child next year.

My husband and I spend christmas quietly now, but it was not always that way.

In years gone by I clearly remember that magical time of year when the excitement mounts as young children help unearth the decorations for the christmas tree. Dad brings it home and a home is found for it in the lounge. Half the furniture has to be rearranged first. The arguments also begin and EVERYONE wants to put the Angel on the top of the tree. We needed 4 headed christmas trees and 4 angels to keep the peace.

There is a last minute flurry as children wrap gifts for one another - sticky tape, scissors and paper are passed from room to room, cries of "don't peep" or "don't come in" come from everywhere. The mood is festive, christmas carols play in the background and everyone sings along in the foreground.

All the mess this exercise has left in its wake is cleared away.

Then each one places their own presents under the tree......MAAAAAAAAAAA.....TELL EVERYONE TO STOP READING THE LABELS!

Whew - I am exhausted. Isn't it bedtime already?

Don't forget the mince pie and beer for father christmas. Beer? Just imagine how muddled he would be if he partook of everyone's hospitality!

Guess what.....THEY ALL HAVE INSOMNIA........ and are trying to figure out ways that they can all catch a peek of father christmas as he shins down the chimney with his sack of goodies and distributes them under the tree.

Dad and I can now do our part. We put the gifts we have, for which father christmas gets credit for, under the tree, dad eats half the pie and drinks some of the beer. That is ALWAYS the first thing they check on. It validates the existence of father christmas for them somehow, I think " be children for a little longer, believe in such things, the real world can be a harsh place and you will be in it for the rest of your lives. As you go through life you will learn to accept that all things move to their end, everything you have and hold you must in time also let go."

But not tonight.

SNAKES ALIVE!!

My daughter Shirley posted a picture of a black snake on her blog the other day. She and her children had come across it.

I am NOT a snake fan but nevetheless was taken by my mind back to that quaint village, Triangle, where we spent a few years of our lives during the Rhodesian war.

We had a couple of incidences ourselves concerning these creatures I would prefer to be far from, like another planet.

The first that comes to mind was a day I had had a procedure done at the local hospital so was sleeping off the anaesthetic.

The maid had taken the children on a "picnic". Translation of picnic during those times : An enjoyable outdoor exercise where one lays a blanket on the ground, takes a basket of yummy treats and juice, and enjoys the outdoor air. Picnics ONLY took place within the safety of ones own garden as to venture further would be dangerous and leave one open to hostile attack by terrorists. I'm very serious.

After the picnic, the blanket had been shaken out, folded and returned to its cupboard.

That evening my husband casually called me out of my stupor, summoning me to GET OUT OF BED (he has lost his mind I thought to myself), does he not remember I am on a serious trip right now and my mind is befuddled with left over anaesthetic.

I followed the voice, using the walls as support, and ....EEEEEEKKKKKK..... He was holding the cupboard door closed, and protruding from it was a snake. The snake had obviously been wrapped up in the blanket and deposited in the cupboard. He was probably casing the joint to find his way out and get his bearings as the last he remembered he was in the garden! We returned him to the garden. He was not very big.

The second incident was during lunch one day and we were all sitting aroung the dining room table. We had a large tree growing outside the dining room window. We all watched in silence as the thickest and longest python we had ever seen slowly slithered down the tree. I could almost read his thoughts "don't mess with me" and as I had no intention of one of my small children becoming his dinner, we phoned the local police. They dispatched a man with a rifle.

By now we were all at the kitchen door as "monty python" slid past. The policeman took aim and fired - missed. Lisa was 2, this was sport for her, she threw her arms in the air and yelled "YAY!" Undeterred the cop fired a second time, missed. (Glad my life did not depend upon him for protection). Lisa once again repeated her little performance of cheering and "YAY'! (like people do when their favourite rugby side scores a try). I still see her standing there in her training pants with "if it's sticky I'll have it" printed on the back, and her long blond hair almost to her waist.

Third shot hits its mark. We were told to be careful as they have partners and that his may come looking for him. Sure enough, 2 days later his partner was found run over in the road outside our property.

I was always sorry that it was necessary to take the action we did, but he was a danger to my small children and we had no way of knowing where he lived and there were no snake catchers around.

I love animals and small creatures, but I really can't do snakes.

LET YOUR YES BE YES AND YOUR NO BE NO

We have just returned from the orthopaedic clinic at the hospital. So what. This is what.

A stroke patient has a confused mind from time to time, and it is at its worse when under stress. Many conditions manifest themselves more noticeably during times of stress and frustration.

We were amidst hundreds of people waiting to hand the file in at the dispensary, where it will wend its way through the hands of, I hope, of very capable pharamacists, and come out at the other end with all the medication in a packet.

We were waiting at this counter when I discovered that I had mislaid my receipt, without which I cannot collect anything as the meds are handed over upon production of this receipt. I wanted to go and get another one, so I told my patient to wait where he was. "don't leave me here" he says clinging to the counter. I attempt to prize him loose and take him with me. That brought forth a more panicked response, 'Leave me here, you will be quicker' comes the reply from this head shaking, counter gripping panicked being. "I ASKED YOU THAT **....!! I screech.

Ah, I have seen this many times before I think to myself. I get him to focus and ask 'is that a no no, a no yes, a yes yes or a yes no? Make any sense to you? No, I didn't think so.
I leave him and go to collect a new receipt, we have several pairs of eyes watching us, all part of the entertainment one sees in a hospital such as this, nothing seems to be out of the ordinary and everthing seems to be normal because no one knows what normal is anymore. but I am
MAD.

The cherry on the cake is that he denies shaking his head because for some reason, beyond my understanding and my zero knowledge of brains, he really cannot tell the difference. Not yet.

That was my morning and so I am here in my haven where everything makes sense, even this stupid computer who loses my emails and its marbles, has meltdowns, and then just tells me "server cannot be found" which it has been doing for the best part of the rest of this day.

I'll try again tomorrow.

LOOK WHAT I CAN DO

I have wanted to learn how to cut and paste for ages, so a friend of mine gave me a lesson just now, and I feel 10 feet tall, like I did when I first left the internet cafe my daughter Kerry took me into to get me started with all this.

It all seemed so hard at the time, but with practice it all became easier and a lot of fun. Right now, this is hard, but hopefully I will be able to steal photos from my daughters' blogs to show you. This is a photo of a 'little pony' birthday cake, which my daughter Lisa had made for Natalia, aged 6, in July of this year.

Now if I can remember how this was done (it is all written down letter for painful letter) you will see more photos.

ANGELS AMONG US

It was 1980 and we lived in (the then) Rhodesia. We made our own entertainment as I have mentioned in "Anyone for Tennis??" and were probably more social than folk living in cities.

One morning I took my small girls aged 3, 4 and almost 6, and went to visit a friend of mine. Triangle is a sugar estate and the temperature and humidity can be extremely (unbearably) high. It was on such a day that we went visiting, so we closed the doors and windows, put the airconditioner on, played some records, "records" you will find in the dictionary for those who were born after that era (kidding). The children played outside.

It was a large garden, no dangers, or so we thought, and we could watch the children from the window.

It is when we least expect it that disaster strikes, and are not prepared for things to go awry.

The door flew open and Michael, my friends son who was the same as Shirley, 6, shouted to us. I could't hear what he was saying due to the music, but it took only one look at his horrified expression for me to know that something was very very wrong. We ran outside and there, standing on a steel "grate" of sorts, was Shirley. She was screaming in fear and pain. I looked down at her legs and I remember thinking "what are all those white streaks on her legs". Upon closer inspection, I saw that the "white streaks" were burst blisters.

She had followed a kitten and sunk up to the top of her thighs in burning coals. She had grabbed onto the steel frame (thank goodness it was there) and pulled herself up, stopping herself from sinking further.

Our water was heated by coal burners which were stoked twice a day, so when it needed to be done again, the old coal had to go somewhere. Most people buried it and put sprinklers on top to cool it down, but coals buried retain their heat for very long time.

Shirley spend 3 weeks in hospitl and it took a further 4 weeks before she could walk again. She lost all the skin on her legs and only had the thick skin on the soles of her feet left. She was to be taken to Salisbury General Hospital for skin grafts as all the white patches had no blood flow going to them so no new skin would form. After 3 days the blood was flowing. She did not have to have the grafts. The doctors were wonderful, and people prayed for her. Her scars were red and "angry" but today they have completely faded. The skin texture has changed but no one would know they were there unless they knew the story.

In 1978 we went on holiday to the Eastern Cape. My sister-in-law and her 3 boys joined us for a family picnic on the beach. We were near a lagoon which was safer for small children. We watched them closely as there were 6 of them in the water. We turned to put up an umbrella and upon turning back to see that the children were alright, my sister-in-law studied the water intently and asked "what are those bubbles?" It was Kerry, my 2 year old daughter who had lost her balance on the uneven floor of the lagoon and fallen. It had happened in the blink of an eye. The bubbles came from her feeder cup she was holding. We would never have known she had fallen under the water if it weren't for the bubbles and and my sister-in-law noticing them amongs all those children. We came so close to losing her.

"FOR HE SHALL GIVE HIS ANGELS CHARGE OVER THEE, TO KEEP THEE IN ALL THEY WAYS" Psalms : 91:11

In 1984 we very nearly lost Lisa. After a wonderful day with friends in Blairgowrie, Johannesburg, we travelled home to Pretoria. Our speed was not over the limit but deadly to anyone falling from a car travelling at half that speed.

We turned off the highway. I looked back at the children, no, it couldn't be, but yes it was, she had been fast asleep on the journey home, slightly leaning against the car door - which was not shut, but slightly ajar. At any time she could have moved and fallen out of the car onto the highway. How could we have been so careless as not to check the doors properly.

In 1985 my son Brian was born. I fed him myself for a year. He was the only child of mine I was able to feed for so long.

Within 3 weeks of me changing him to formula he became violently ill. Tests showed that his immunity system was so weak he would never have survived on formula from birth. His paediatrician said that the only thing that saved him was breast milk, the alternative were gammaglobulin injections. She would not give them to him because of the aids risk at the time as gammaglobulin is made from a blood base. He was put onto an aggressive treatment which he remained on until he was 9 years old. He was hospitalised 5 times due to severe chest infections, had his tonsils and adenoids removed at only 19 months, all before he went to school.

I don't believe we have guardian angels, or that they are even celestial beings. Hebrews tells us that angels are God's messengers or representatives, and that many of us have entertained angels without knowing it.

THE ANGEL OF THE LORD ENCAMPS AROUND THOSE WHO FEAR HIM, AND HE DELIVERS THEM

Who were my angels, the Doctor who tended Shirley? My sister-in-law who astutely saw the bubbles? Was protection given Lisa when in our humaness, we did not check the back door? My body's ability to be able to feed Brian for 1 year when I had failed to do so with his sisters? Wisdom given to doctors?

Who are your angels, and have you entertained them without even knowing it?

Step By Step: HE LINKS MY WORLDS

Step By Step: HE LINKS MY WORLDS

HE LINKS MY WORLDS

Ever since I can remember I have loved animals, from a mouse to an elephant. Fascinating.

I remember smuggling mice into my bedroom cupboard when in school, I collected spiders in jars and ants in boxes, had a cameleon and a praying mantis on my curtains too. My poor mother can corroborate this and probably more, like the day I was 6 and I presented my mom with an arm full of chongalolos. I was delighted with my find but my mom was mad about the mussed up blouse she had spent hours making. If there is a medal for patience and endurance in the face of ongoing testing of a mothers patience, it belongs to MY mother, ok?

After I married, not much changed. There were always dogs, cats and birds. Then one day a very different visitor came to stay, and stay, and stay.......

Crunchie.

Crunchie is a tortoise and he was named thus as he was very small, only a handful, and looked not unlike a meat pie.

I bought Crunchie for R20 from my oldest friend's son, who was in primary school at the time. My son Brian wanted him, he was 7 years old.

We made a cage at the bottom of the garden for him, but within a few days the ants had found him. I dusted him off and brought him inside the house until I plan could be made for his housing. He was not put in a box, but on the floor and I would find him later.

That was 17 years ago and Crunchie simply blended in with all the cats and dogs.

He learned that the fridge contained food, and that the best time to get it was 5ish when grub was up for everyone, even the inhabitants of the animal kingdom. How do they all know that?

He became very tame as time went by and only used his shell to hybinate in during the winter months. He would seek out the sun spots in the house and stretch out his back legs, stretch his arms up, lay his head on its side and close his eyes as he slept. The first time he did this I thought he was dead, but now I know better!

He would vanish in May and reappear in October. We wouldn't know where he was and he was very difficult to find . Being so small he would find an old slipper or an unused shoe and sleep in it for 5 - 6 months.

I see to it that he eats well during the summer months to sustain him during his fast during the winter.

He likes apples, his favourite, cucumber, and chopped up carrot. I treat him to prickly pears from time to time as he loves them and they are very nutritious for tortoises. Bananas are a bit squishy and he gets it all over his beak and face as he tries to get it all off. I have to clean him up afterwards as by now it is all over his "hands" too.

The children grew up and left home and my husband and I went our separate ways. My husband had custody of Crunchie until he remarried, at which time Crunchie came to me and my 2nd husband.

Nothing has changed much in Crunchie's life, it's still all good for him, he is now widely traveled as he can be popped into an appropriate handbag. This is done when moving from from one place to another. No one even knows we have him.

In Summer he sleeps in the corner next to my side of the bed, during the day his life goes on as it always did, he still knows what's in the fridge, he now bites our toes and heels for attention. He has done this to unsuspecting visitors too so we all have to visit with our feet off the floor if we don't want blood shed! His beak is very sharp believe it or not.

He is a favourite with everyone is our little creature feature, children and adults alike. I have even been offered money for him! We now put him away when we have guests or he has the floor literally.

It is an exciting day for us today. My little friend has come out from the back of a cupboard where he was hybernating. Actually, I had to drag him out as it is November already. I have been leaving the cupboard open hoping he would see the light on his own - ha, ha, and realise that it was time to rise and shine, but he never WAS a morning person.

We have moved during his hybernation period and I saw tonight with horror that he was almost impossible to see against the carpet, and since Andy had his stroke we have had enough accidents around here without Crunchie tripping us up too. So I cast about for something to help make him more visible. There it was, the best I could do at a moments notice, Crunchie is walking about with a pink "stick it" on his shell!

However, time marches on and Crunchie with it, he shows no signs of shuffling off this earth so I need to make provisions for his future! I could not send him to strangers who do not know his ways.

So I ask my four children, who would like to inherit Crunchie? I fear he has become the family heirloom and I probably won't have much else to leave anyone, except this little shell full of memories.

THE SPICE OF LIFE

Recently, as it so often does, my analytical mind drifted slowly back over the years, resting upon the people I love, many I have loved and are still in my heart and mind.

Including the pharmacy lady who has sold me disprin for 7 years whose name I don't even know but we greet one another like long lost friends! If I moved away I would just find another pharmacy lady, so easily can she be replaced in MY life.........

Why do I not "love" them all. We are told to love one another as He has loved us. Mmmmm..... sorry, I don't even KNOW the whole of mankind, so for a mere human such as I, that would be impossible.

But this is what I am able to give to the people in my heart and mind.

For my mother, I have known her for as long as I can remember, so that would be forever for me. She went through the discomfort of pregnancy and the pain of childbirth, the exasperation of raising me, saving me from myself in my teens, giving me wisdom with my children. And hey - the miracle is that she still loves me! She has taught me to love, care, have empathy and sympathy for others. I learned from her example. She will always have my love, gratitude and respect.

My husband (profile 1) - we shared intimacies, planned a family and a future, raised children together (did not always agree on that one though)! We share 4 lovely children and our 7th grandchild is on the way. He has been there most of my life and will always have a place in my heart.

My husband (profile 2) Quite a different relationship altogether and cannot be compared to profile 1. He has 3 grown children who have another mother and has a past that I did not share in as did not share in mine. I am blessed that I can speak of my past and he can speak of his. Neither should be forgotten and we both appreciate this. When we are asked how many grandchildren we have we ask, his, hers or the total between us. That's where it gets scary.

Profile 1 and 2 have separate rules I discovered.

Children - I love all 4 adult children equally, each has something special to bring to me and the world around them. My love for them is unconditional, they can become anyone and make as many mistakes they will, I will help to pick up the pieces and carry on. It doesn't get better than that.

Grandchildren. These little people are very special and I can love them any way I want to. Freely, on my terms, I can allow them to do anything, take what liberties they may without any of the fall out or the responsibility! You have to agree that that is a good thing to have!

Last but certainly not least, my two sisters, who were years younger than I so it was not easy being a part of their lives. I do remember playing with them as babies and fighting with them as they grew up, all the things siblings do. I love them dearly and no distance between us will change that.

So, to sum up, I will do my best not to take for granted my relationship with others lightly, to nuture them, not cause them pain knowingly, to acknowledge when I am wrong and not to judge them as I do not see their hearts. That is my goal, but, alas, not matter how hard I try I fear I shall fall short of being perfect in my efforts due to my humity, so all I can do is ask for forgiveness when I am wrong, patience until realisation dawns, because my best will not be the best it should be or the best I want it to be.

MOTHERS ARE.....

.....far more than just mothers.

My experience as a mother and skills that I have learned, have prepared me for the rest of my life.

I think of my fumbling first efforts as I changed my first child for the first time. We had NAPPIES then, no oh so easy disposables, and trying to fold it around those skinny little frog legs was the first "mission impossible" for me. Once on, then the boottees if you can find and catch the flailing foot. So now what did I have apart from perspiration all over my face? A huge nappy with a midget inside. The nappy had boottees, mittens and a woollen hat. It made an enormous amount of noise and through the process of elimination I would eventually discover the cause of all the noise and what the nappy wanted.

During that first week I found that I had come to dearly love this noisy, hungry nappy who was little more than an alimentary canal.

There I had it. It was completely unable to do anything for itself, couldn't even say "hey ma, thanks for that, I feel better now" let alone give me a high five.

Time passed and as I had learned to keep this little mite alive and well, my confidence and abilities grew. But something else happened too.

I had a God given instinct to protect, nuture, love and guide with understanding and a certain amount of patience (that was an ongoing work in progress) this wee babe.

Time passed and I learned to never interfere with their efforts to feed (peanut butter sammies stuck to the wall) to dress (bite my tongue) or to brush their hair (good grief). They gave themselves haircuts too (eeeeeeekkkkk!!!!).

They wanted independance and I learned to slowly let go, and eventually they could fly.

God saw my tears and He understood my sore heart, and he was there to tend to me.

As I grew older I realised that life had many other hills for me to climb.

My first husband had a heart attack at an early age but recovered fully. My second husband had a stroke.

He became like a child again. He could not walk, make himself understood clearly, I devised a "charade" system of communication for a while. I shaved him, showered him, washed and brushed his hair and teeth. Trying to keep his pride intact.

But I had done all those things before and the instincts were not dormant but alive and well, just not needed again until this time. They came to my rescue.

Now, 3 months on, he walks unaided for short distances, understands more, he is re-learning words he knew, his speech is clear, he shaves himself, washes half his body himself, brushes his own hair and teeth.

My body no longer aches from lifting him and I have more time for myself. I can leave him for short periods at a time if need be. He is blessed to have a second chance at life.

As my children did he has grown more independant and is moving away from his dependance on me in the same way that my children did.

But this time I cry no tears and my heart is glad.

THE EYES ARE THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL

We have a "photo wall" in our flat. All our favourite photos are there. My children in their various stages of growth, from babies, to toddlers, school photos (some I see have teeth missing in their grade 1 photos!) a few shots of them in their teens, and then as adults. The girls, Shirley Ann, Kerry Lyn and Lisa Jane all looking identical and 1 year apart.

I remember no one ever knowing which one was which ......"I saw one of your girls today, don't know which one, they all look the same..." They became known as The Nimmo Girls in school - but actually they were the original Spice Girls. I will tell you why.

This morning I studied the face of each one taken by a professional photographer when they were very young. Thats when I realised that cliches have been around for every because they are true. THE EYES ARE THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL.

They may have all looked the same on the outside, but inside and were and are 3 very different people. In Shirley's eyes I saw gentleness, in Kerry's eyes I saw tolerance and acceptance and in Lisa's eyes, mischief and humour.

I reflected on each of them and saw the people they have become, it was there so many years ago, reflected in their eyes as little children, other qualities emerged as the years have gone by and they have each been touched by joy, sadness, pain and suffered knocks along the way. So each has become like a fingerprint, a unique person who could never be replaced.

They had some fun with the likeness in looks, and they came clean once they had grown and told me of some of the things that they managed to get up to and get away with! They told me this story. Shirley was the first to get her ID book. They would all go to a club (unbeknown to us), Shirley produced her ID and went to the ladies, there she passed her ID book to Kerry, who entered the night club on the same ID, she in turn went to the ladies and yes, you guessed, passed it to Lisa who also had fun in the nightclub! I am so glad I only found these things out once they were grown and had survived.

Brian on the other hand was a late lamb. He was the opposite to his sisters in more ways than one! His colouring was opposite favouring my side of the family. In his eyes as a tot I saw gentleness, mischief and determination. That is the child he grew into and the adult he became. I discovered that boys were far more independant than girls, stubborn and physical too. Chancers, risk takers and they can be very single minded! I am glad that as a baby his eyes did not give everything away, I would have had a nuclear melt down if I knew then what I know now. BLESS ALL YOU MUMS WHO ONLY HAVE SONS!

But I survived and so did he.

Its the eyes, all in the eyes.

AMAZING & FRUSTRATING - HINDSIGHT & WISDOM

"If I knew then what I know now......."
How many have said that. I have, often.

When I was growing up there were many times I questioned my parents about certain keyplayers in my life whom I did not know and wanted to. I was often shut down. Frustrating.

Many years later I found my own children asking the same things of me, yes, I shut them down or gave them not such glowing character references (which is why they need not worry about them). I did not want them to get too close to anyone who could threaten my relationship with my children in case I should lose a part of them to someone else. I felt very threatened when their father remarried for example.

Then I made a decision. They had a right to question, after all the changes in their lives was not of their doing, and they had a right too to decide how much of themselves they would share. Wisdom.

I did not lose their love or any part of them, I had just lost a lot of time obsessing that I would, and now in hindsight I see my foolishness. Love is not measured, there is always enough to go around, and because new people come into our lives, does not mean that we love the "oldies" any less!

To leave children unanswered questions about their lives, and not being upfront with them leaves them very frustrated.

I didn't get it growing up, but I get it now as history often repeats itself and I now understand why my parents made the decisions they did for my life, I also thank them for it. For now I see that fear, and also there is a little jealously that anyone else may have a part in my childrens affections. I also see how much they must have loved me.

I am working on a project for my grown children and grandchildren at the moment. It is to trace their ancestors, obtainining photos of great great grandparents (did they REALLY) wear clothes like that! Blood lines on both their fathers and my sides of the family. They will see where they fit into the family, these people who would never know their descendants. Since my husbands stroke the project has slowed down a little as I have little time for me.

Now why, I ask myself, is researching ancestors so fascinating to us and why, on the other hand, when myself as a child and my children question parents about the here and now is it sometimes so painful?

The difference is that one group is history, and we live in the present. It is also where all our emotions live too.

So, in hindsight, I wish I had been a Solomon among men. Wisdom is probably the only thing I really wish I had not had to wait so long for.

To think that one day my descendants (and yours) will research us and find us fascinating (and wonder at our clothes too!)

Just do the right thing and answer the questions without bias, you will lose nothing but gain far more than you ever imagined.

THE CHANGING SEASONS OF LIFE

As I have journeyed through life, I have planned continually in exactly the same way you have. ha ha.

Now those of you who are 40 upwards, think back to your teens and twenties, the dreams you had and the plans you made, either on your own or with your new husband. The world was your oyster, it is exciting, you move into your first flat, your own your first house, have your first child.

Staying in your 40's up, you will know by now that life throws you curved balls and we make wrong choices. As a result the wonderful life we foresaw never happened.

Many of us don't even have the same husband we made all those plans with. You may be in a bad financial position because of it, it you were sensible through you may have salveged some financial security for yourself if you are a woman. If not, hold on tight, your life is about to change course! It may be for the better - or not. So many ifs.....

After my marriage ended, I lost financial security and the world in which I found myself was a sink or swim world. There was an upside, I am stronger in the sense that I can cope with things I never thought myself capable of. I never feared much, to the frustration of my family, now I fear not at all, I have been there and survived. I have lived from time to time among people with no work skills, starving children (heartbreaking) abused children and wives, and yes, even a few abused men. It is best to harden you heart if you want to keep body and soul together.

My husband and I have even been offered a 'job'. Get this .... very well paid, we are told, involves travel, it is that of a courier. Which basically means you put your life on the line for the thriving drug lords by couriering drugs through 7 continents on a passport that is made for you, not in your name of course, and at the end of it all you will be R40 000.00 richer! Wow, what an offer! Everyone I know who has fallen into this trap is doing life in some foreign prison! I learned to be vigilent and circumspect.

My wrong choices toughened me up which is a good thing, but they also caused a whole bunch of problems and heartaches.

So we look back on our lives and wonder what happened. Can any of us pinpoint the moment when things started to go off course, that everything started to go a little crazy and instead of ending up where you imagined, you are on the other side of the track heading off into the unknown and wondering how you got there. It may build character of break us down, THAT choice is yours to make!

Young people, God has a very good plan for your life, it only goes awry if you try to plan it yourself without any sort of guidance because of all those darn choices to make!

I have tried to use negative experiences to grow, to face life head on, go through problems rather than round them, help someone less fortunate, there always is you know. I am less judgmental, more accepting, more appreciative of my family, learned to forgive, to be humble (a hard one).

To my mom, stepdad, and children, who, if they have judged me harshly I did not know about it but were there to pick up the pieces of my sometime shattered life, and with their help and love. They have been beside me during these troubled times since my husband had his stroke. Because of them and my new inner strength, the future doesn's look quite to bleak, so I say ..... bring it on, we CAN do this!

A Special Day

I want to share a special event with you.

My Mom, whom I often speak of and who I refer to often, my Step Father who has stood by us all, at my sister Ann`s wedding which took place in England a month ago, and my youngest sister Colleen, who lives with her family in Dubai. They all met up in Reading for the event. These people I have known and loved all my life.

The wedding took place at a lovely location on the banks of the Thames at a place called Sonning. There were about 75 guests at the wedding. Malcolm, my new brother in law is a very nice fellow, and we wish them a happy life together. Meeting the family for Malcolm must have been quite something. He is an only child from a quiet English family, and is a quiet English Gentleman.

I Want To Share...

My first born daughter with my first born granddaughter and her little sister (my little princess), how different they are to look at!

WHEN THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE

There are bound to be days

when the sun doesn't shine

When skies are not cheery

and bright;

Days when we're troubled

and weary with care,

And nothing is going quite right...

But on such a day

God is not far away,

His mercies and love

never cease--

When the going is rough

our faith is enough

To bring jus contentment

and peace

Life is the most unpredictable of all things. If you ever want to make God laugh, just try plan your life! Since Andy had his stroke in July, my life has done an about turn. As someone in our support group said yesterday, it is now all about them.

To go anywhere I have to dress him and me, feed him and me, pack the bag behind the wheelchair with a sandwich too, I never forget the sandwich! I learnt the hard way about the sandwich when we were waiting for medication at the hospital and Andy's sugar level dropped (he is diabetic) and I had to abandon him in the wheelchair, run home and make a jam sandwich! Not long after that he kept getting dizzy. I decided to check his sugar level, it was 2.1, not good, way too low. SO thereafter, I added this to my to do list, I had to take over something else he used to do quite capably, make sure he injected himself with the correct amount of insulin and not OD on it.

We have moved into a batchelor flat now which enables him to become more self sufficient and do more for himself which obviously helps me. I have to keep an eye on him though because he does things without telling me what he plans to do, sometimes with disasterous effects.

I bought a non slip mat the the shower, yes Murphy' law was there in the shower too and he slipped for the first time. We have learnt to laugh at many things, a sinse of humour is a must as it is too easy to fall into a pattern of selfpity and depression, and there is no room for that in our lives no matter how bad or sad things are, laughter is definitely the best medicine of all.

Every day there are small triumphs. He now shaves himself. Not as well as I had learnt to, now THAT was a challenge. Try shaving your man, that bristly hair that never seems to stop growing, grows in more than one direction I discovered, especially on the neck, yes, big challenge to shave the neck! It used to be that the big challenges in life were knitting patterns, just try shaving a face and NECK. And try and get the hair off the top lip without cutting him to pieces. God definitely has a good sense of humour.

Sometimes he will sound quite normal, then he loses his words and I make suggestions until we find the right one.The speech therapist is making him a 'necklace' with familiar objects on it that he uses in daily life. He wants a photo of all the grandchildren with their names on so he can refer to who he is speaking about. I am collecting pics this week of cokes to chips.

The powers that be in our municality are attempting to 'fix' Durban up for 20/10, so they have started b y digging everything up. Something else to get my head around - pushing a wheelchair along those widewalks without throwing my patient out when I hit something or get jammed in a small hole I didn't see. Avoid sea sand and wind, a deadly combination, those wheels dont move through sand and we get bogged down. Try and stay off the road because although the sidewalk is impassable at times, the traffic can be lethal.

My silver lining? That he will get better, if not 100%, his sharp mind will return, I will have my friend back to talk to and who will even help with decisions again!. What a wonderful day that will be!

PRIDE COMES BEFORE A FALL - a lesson learnt

I would like to pay tribute to my children and mother who help in unbelievable and selfless ways. They have relieved financial stress as Andy is now on disability. I don't have sleepless nights crying into my pillow. How blessed can a mother and daughter be?

LITTLE BLOGGER - THE 2ND GENERATION

In February this year, my 2nd daughter Kerry introduced me to blogging. All 3 of my daughters blogged and so were always in touch with one another, other family members and friends. The links to their sites are in the left margin.

It has brought far more to my life than I ever could have imagined. However, when it comes to all the details - well, Kerry is my editor and she is responsible for my new look, all the pictures, yes, and to the links as well!

A few months ago I dedicated a post to my 2 eldest grandchildren Vicky-Leigh and Tessni entitled "The Wonder Years". If you go to Kerry's blog on there is a link to young Tessni's blog. It makes me a very proud gramma when I not only had the priviledge of raising my own children in the way of the Lord, but watch them all raise their children in the same way. For me? My biggest reward is experiencing a promise of God come to me because I was obedient and raised them up in the way that they should go. I have been blessed. Many of us will know the flip side of this is that the sins of the fathers is visited upon their children, and that would have been devestating.

What I look forward to? More blogging grandchildren as they all grow older so that I can be a part of THEIR lives as I really have seen so little of them. Distance is a huge problem and the cost of travel almost out of sight.

Tessni is a delightful, affectionate and well mannered young girl. During the week I stayed with them I saw a little of what I was missing. During that week there was one evening I did sigh with relief when there was a mom/daughter conflict!

She loves beading and maybe she will tell you of her interest in entrepeneurs. She has all the equipment and makes lovely necklaces, bangles, keyrings and more. She also personalises them.

Well done Tess, very proud of you girl!

GROWING IN FAITH AND STRENGTH

My mother once said to me "nothing lasts forever". This was when I was doing my best to survive raising 3 babies on my own when their father was on border duty during the Rhodesian war. I was often overwhelmed with just keeping them fed, dry, bathed and endeavouring to explain the concept to them that nights were for sleeping (preferably ALL night.) I just hoped that somewhere in the chaos I was doing a good enough job teaching them lifes values, and hoped that one day they would grow up to be good citizens. I often felt I fell short of my task, but today, by the grace of God, I can be proud of all of them.

Since then I have learnt that we face many tunnels in life, but there is always light at the end of them. And I have never forgotten that "nothing lasts forever".

After Andy's stroke, I could see no light anywhere, I don't think he could either. Then, yes, there it was, in the distance, just a speck. Each day it grows a little brighter.

He can not flex the right hand and fingers, I know the day will come when he can lift his whole arm. He can lift his right leg a little higher as well. Today I did'nt have to lift his foot up to put on his socks. I glanced up, sure he was helping it with his good arm - NO! it had enough strenght in it to lift on its own now.

He falls less, but when he does I have the strength to lift him myself and don't have to rely on others for that.

He is using a walking frame, I have to follow him as he is not steady enough to go alone (or I just panic when he does) and he cannot go very far. But I see a determination in him, and am thankful for his stubborn spirit!

Yesterday we read from Col: where we are reminided that the battle is the Lords - what a relief that is to know!

No, I am not in this on my own as a despairingly thought I was, I have a loving God, loving family, I have been given physical strength to cope with our needs, my mind can be strong and sure, and the light is shining a little brighter today, in the distance, but it is there, praise God for his goodness and mercy! and yes mom, nothing does "last forever",

....THEN EVERYTHING WENT PEARSHAPED....

It has taken me some time to write this post, because before doing so I have had to do a lot of soul searching. Going from fear of the unknown to acceptance, and having to really look inwards and ask myself where my faith line is. How do I shape up to the faith Isaac and Sarah had in God.
Not well in the beginning I'm afraid. I have asked many questions of God over the past 13 years of my life and waited for answers. There are many things we just will not understand this side of heaven, and accepting that is faith.

But today, in this moment, I understand many many things that I was blinded to before.

My marriage of 25 years ended 13 years ago. I remarried and my exhusband remarried.

My way of life changed from one of being sheltered all my life to one where things were a lot harder and and I have had to hold my own among people I had seen through the safety of the televesion screen in 50/50 and on 3rd degree! Those worlds certainly do exist, there are drug lords, drug addicts, alcoholics, neglected and abused children, same sex marriages and sex workers all around me.

Circumstances have forced my husband and myself to live among them on Durban's beach front. No, we do not live as they do, I have asked God many times why He has brought me so close to this side of life, and seen the faces of these poor people.

They have accepted us, respect our values and ask no questions.

During this time God has been strengthening me, made more accepting of others and less judgmental. I do not fear the streets of Durban day or night, I have become a survivor, and a much stronger person than I ever was at any other time in my life.

God in his wisdom was preparing for harder times to come, and as He is already in our tomorrows only He knew the neccecity for this.

Two weeks ago, my husband went to work as usual and 3 hours into the morning, he just fell off his chair. He had had a stroke. At that moment, in front of me was a tunnel with no light at the end of it. Being State patients, we have to rely upon ourselves a lot, so I managed to get him to the hospital which, mercifully is only 2 blocks away. The process was long and tiring. Finally a diagnosis was made, it was definitely a stroke. He had lost the use of the right side of his body. He could still speak at this time. A CT scan was done, hours later we went home.

He is in a wheelchair and has lost his speech.He is not aware of it even. On 25 August we are to go to Albert Latuli Hospital where the CT scan will be read by a cardiovascular specialist and we will have a better idea then what to expect.

Every Tuesday I take him to physiotherapy, speech therapy, then group therapy for stroke patients and their caregivers, it is like a support group.

IN THE MEANTIME we have to work on tecniques. How to get from the wheelchair to the bed and back again. That one he has mastered. He doesn't hit the deck any more! Because when he goes down so do I. I then have to find a strong willing neighbour to get him off the floor for me and upright! We don't bump, roll or trip down the stairs anymore. Yes, our senses of humour are returning! a plus. We have devised our own language too, l hand squeeze for yes and 2 for no. The nodding and shaking of the head is not perfected so that still leave me in doubt as to whether it is yes or no. After battling to understand a sentence I have suggested he just give me 1 key work, I'll figure out the rest. It must be very frustrating for him as he knows what he wants to say but cannot communicate it. The process of elimination is also used.

My eldest daughter and son-in-law are paying for the hire of the wheelchair, bless them. As far as his work goes he is still being paid but there are many uncertainties which normally assault me in the dark of the night. I play the "what if" game. How long will his rehabilitation be? How complete will it b e? Will our rent be covered? We need to live near the hospital, right where we are as the hospital is withing walking distance, staying independant is important, everybody has their own lives to live and not many easier than ours.

We are surrounded by caring people who willingly help get up and down stairs. We only have showers so that is still a work in process. BUT, I thing we got it RIGHT this morning, I didn't drop him on his head or jam, us into the cubicle.

Sleep?, well, its broken like when I had small children, that comes back quickly!

O P R A H ! ! !

But seriously, I see now how I have been prepared for this, I have the strength of body and mind to overcome it.

One day Andy will walk holding his head high once again, of that I am certain!

WHERE HAVE ALL THE CHILDREN GONE?

"Do you have children"? people ask me, this is asked usually as an icebreaker, for something to say whilst waiting in queues, on a bus or where ever I find myself next to some one for any length of time. You also know this one "nice weather/awful weather/hot weather/rainy today" etc. But to the first question I answer "yes, 3 girls and a boy, in that order" I see them in my minds eye, the girls blonde and blue eyed and the boy darker with brown eyes. The images are fresh, the children are small, sometimes babies are clear in my mind as if they might come bounding, toddling or crawling past me at any moment, so clear is this picture in my mind. I can easily join in the conversation with others.

Then the next question brings me back too earth with a bump - "how old are they"? I stop dead in my tracks because, you see, my children have children of their own now.

It is a long time since I have seen these little people. It seems they just suddenly disappeared one day.

When they were babies I was constantly working with them, feeding, bathing, plating, carrying all the time, even through the night, more with some than with others! They bacame toddlers and wanted to investigate everything, were inquisitive, danger stalked them, I was their minder and safety net now as well, they depended upon me for all their needs. My involvement with them was all encompassing.

They became school children, more able to detect danger, and to take on certain responsibilities as well. They were gone all morning. Once school acrivities began I saw even less of them. I was now guiding and teaching them values. They had chores and began to take responsibility for themselves and also helped around the house.

Their personalities were so different one from the other, we were 6 different personalities trying to live together, learning consideration, tolerance and sharing. They also knew more than I did and would rather take the teachers word for anything! "Mom, you will NEVER understand", or how about "I didn't ASK to be born" thats to send a mother on a guilt trip, or "I'll be home a bit late today" (I can make my own decisions).

They leave school, home, and go to college. They phone or write when they think of you, they have discovered a whole new world and are busy with studies, friends and socialising. You have now been replaced by their friends!
As a mother you just pray that you have done a proper job with these precious tots loaned from God, and that they will make right choices in life.

Me? I get on with my life now, I have new interests and hobbies, I think back and smile at the many memories I have. There is always a story to be remembered, reminders surround me. Sometimes I shed a tear for babies grown and the buzz of a noisy and hectic family life - this is simply empty nest syndrome if any mothers are in that place, and it does pass!

As they go on to get married and have children, make new friends and go through the whole cycle I have just emerged from my life also changes. I enjoy different things.

But now when I am asked "do you have any children" I return to that time and place so long ago when as tots they needed me constantly, because THOSE little people are the ones I REALLY know intimately. Now I ask myself "do I know these young people?" I don't know their likes and dislikes as I am not around them every day or even every year any more. I will never know my grown up children as I knew I baby children. I love them deeply, their faces are unchanged and are still lovingly familiar, their voices the same. I have also learned many things it would seem! They are wonderful friends to have. How many mom's see young children in their minds eye when asked about them?

They still lurk in the corners of my mind and jump out at me from photographs. If I were granted one wish, it would be to steal back just one chaotic day with these little blonde tots with ALL their nonsense. I would call my mother to join us, she was the BEST gran and very involved (but that's another story for another day!}and I would savour every moment of it!

MY SILVER LINING

The hour is late, and quiet descends on the small block of flats in which we live as families one by one turn in for the night, after a busy and eventful week. The corridors do not ring out with the laughter and cries of small children as they run after one another in play. In their world, for the majority anyway, they are carefree and happy. They interrups their busy schedules often to visit me while I carry on with household chores, smiling, grubby little faces of all races, all friends and not seeing beyond that. They always want an apple, they know I ALWAYS have apples in the fridge! They shriek with delight as Bokkie the parrot shrieks at them for intruding into HER domain (everything is hers remember) the noise rises as they all try to outdo one another. At this point I cannot but imagine what my mother, who has VERY sensitive hearing would make of this crazy world I live in! The children - they would delight her, but the BIRD, I fear she would smother as we are all tempted to do at one time or another.

People here come from many different walks of life and working mothers are dependant upon other mothers as childcare is way outside their earning capacities. Most of them pull together in these difficult time and help where they can.

It takes me back to a time many years ago when we were living in a war torn country and starting young families. Most, if not all of the men, were called most of the time.

We were living in Salisbury in our first home which was in a young community, and for 5 years, as our children were born, grew and were added onto, we found outselves more often than not on our own, and we too pulled together in a way I have not seen women who live in times of peace pull together.

It was an unspoken arrangement that at 4.00pm ON THE DOT everyday someone would start to stroll around the block with a baby in pram and probably a toddler on a tricycle. As she proceeded, others joined in until we were a huge group of young moms, babies and toddlers, leaving our lonliness at home, laughing, reigning in wayward toddlers. Fractious babies enjoyed the walk in the prams out in the open.

We would then decide which home we would stop and have tea at before disbanding and going our separate ways to bath, feed and bed tired but happy children.

Over the years our little group grew in size and numbers. For just l hour of every afternoon we were not worrying about the safety of absent fathers, being a 'bush widow' and facing parenthood alone wasn't quite so daunting.

That was the silver lining of my life for 5 years. I will always cherish them.

After emigrating to South Africa I found that I could live in a neighbourhood for 3 years and not even know my neighbours name, so busy were they with their lives. In fact, I never got to know what they looked like even as everyone had 6 foot walls around their houses.

My son was born at this time and I made sure that he too had his afternoon walks around the block in the late afternoons. But we did it alone.

BACK FROM PRETORIA - brrrrrr....

I went to Pretoria as planned to visit my parents who had been burgled. It was wonderful to see them and my parents laptop has a camera at the top which enables her to speak to my sisters overseas. (I sound ignorant hey?). It was a real treat to speak to and see my sister who lives in Dubai, it is many years since we have seen one another but she seems to have changed not one bit!

The security of my parents house has been greatly improved, and there are "eyes" in the garden now too so anyone walking around on the premises is seen and reported in the house via a machine that can be taken to the bedroom, garage etc. My father calls it the "sqwak box", very descriptive!

The weather was another story however, coming from Durban we are not even wearing jerseys most of the time. However, for the past week it has, for us anyway, been FREEZING and the winter woollies and gymies have been haulled out of mothballs. However, at lease when it is cold we can dress for warmth, but in Durban in summer, especially February, you don't want to be here, neither do I. SO, I shall enjoy this wonder cold weather ........

INTRUDERS

INTRUDERS




INTRUDERS

Something happened a short while ago that I did believe could happen to anyone, not with the security of passwords etc.

I opened my blog which may not be very glorious to others but the posts I have here have been of occasions and incidents that mean something to and I hope to my family. If others enjoy them then that pleases me.

Can you imagine m y HORROR when I saw a post in MY space entitled "I WANT WHITE WIFE' and went on to say that, whoever this person was, he was Angolan, an accountant, loved a white woman and left an email address.

Hours of stressing as to how anyone could have logically managed to achieve what I thought would have been the impossible, left me stumped. My daughter Kerry who is a computer boffin, managed to delete it, and she then changed the password.

However, I use an internet cafe and a theory came to me, I may or may not be right, but I am sharing this with you so you too may be aware of what can happen on public computers.

I use the same internetcafe and to use the computers I have to buy time, am given a slip of paper with a password on it. The password has to be entered at the top of the screen, then next to it I must click "log on". This clears the wallpaper and I can now get into the computer, start and choose where I want to go.

What I had not realised (maybe, what do you think?) is that I had simply logged out without closing off all my files first. The next person to use the computer would have clicked on contined after entering their password and guess what, they would have been in step by step, and they would have had access to all the other sites I had visited, thus endangering others.

I now make very sure that I close everything and sign off before logging off.

I have often found myself in another persons emails and have had to sign off for them before I can access my mail.

It was a lesson I will not forget.

Family

IN ANTICIPATION OF NEXT WEEK

Since my parents were attacked in their home last week I have worried about them, but I shall be visiting them next week to see for myself that they are fine, and as they have a digital camera, I will post some photos for everyone.

CHILDREN VS PETS

EMPTY NEST SYNDROME/ ..... get a bird

..... or adopt 3 more kids, that' a lot easier.

We inherited a parrot from friends 3 years ago, a parrot, always wanted one, very intelligent and lots of fun to have around! Yeah right ........

Todate I am lucky to have all my fingers and toes, and the scars, well, they eventually fade.

She took over the moment she arrived and then went on to fall in love with my husband, and barely tolerate me. She and I, we have a long standing love/hate relationship. She uses me. If I am eating anything, she sucks up because, despite her less attractive qualities, she knows I have a soft spot for her and will give her some of what I am eating. If I drink anything, more of the same. Parrots have this habit of dunking crusts, buscuits, anything hardish into their water to soften it, but if my coffee is on hand that is even better. As a result, when I get to the end of my coffee I find all sorts of saturated disintegrated food stuffs in the bottom of my cup.

She is very possessive, my husband is hers, my bed is hers, my clothes and make up are all hers. Everything is hers, and I have had to literally fight her off if I get too close to that which is hers. If I try to iron my husband' s clothes whilst she is around, she lands in the middle of it and I have to shut her out of the room to complete my task.

The radio, tv, phone and anyone who wants to speak are all competition for her, and she screams over it all, she will out scream, out damage and out destroy any child. She saves the best for my husband. She fluffs herself up, making the most amazing clicking sound while she flattens her body and puts her wings out. This is the mating call. Then she sees me and becomes quite menopausal and irrational.

This love she has for him even extends to bathing with him. If he forgets to fill a large jug with water and set it down beside him, she lands in his bath with him.

I have to "parrot proof" the flat as even in the bird world idle minds are the devils workshop. There will be the contents of the dressing table, make up, tablets and even the contents of the rubbish bin strewn on the floor. No, she does not have a cage, only a parrot stand. I know, stupid hey.

The best time of the day, why, exactly the same for anyone who has spent an exhausing day with an active toddler, bedtime! She is put firmly on her perch, a sheet is thrown over the stand, and blanket over that.

So, read this when empty nest syndrome comes your way and you are considering alternatives, things are not always what they seem, and sheep definitely come in wolves clothing!

BRING A CHILD UP IN THE WAY HE SHOULD GO ......

Twenty three years ago my 4th child and son came into this world.

From the moment I saw him, I prayed that God would take this child back when he was grown, and use him in his ministry any way that He would.

We worship a faithful God who promises much to us. Two weeks ago, my son Brian, made a comitment to the Lord. He felt his life lacking.

My 3 daughters all follow the Lord and raise their children accordingly. I thank the Lord today that He has not only protected them all, but been true to his promise that if we bring a child up in the way he should go, when he is grown he will not depart from it.

Brian boy, you were His from the start, I have prayed for you for 23 years, as I did your sisters before you. Isn't it a wonderful starting point in your christian walk to know that God does answer prayer and that He honours all the promises He has made to us in his Word.

Thank you Kerry (Rivers of Joy-blogspot.com) for being there for him when his father and I could not. You are a blessing.



WOW - WE SERVE A GREAT GOD

IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE

A thief in the night nearly ended the lives of my loved ones and myself, as we know it, this week.

He is no man, this thief, a man would walk through the front door in broad daylight. HE came through the roof in the dear of night, with a gun, to plunder, kill, and steel that which was not his to take. But to take things that were earned by the hands and minds of hardworking honest people. My mother and stepfather. They are both in their mid 70's.

The alarm goes off at 3.00am. My stepfather gets up to check on the house. The house is large. He finishes up his inspection in the bathroom, all the while on the phone to the security armed response company. He tells them all seems to be ok, then he turns around and there he is, this thief, face to face with my stepdad, gun in hand. My stepdad immediately shouts into the telephone "he's here!" The thief shoots my stepdad through the leg. He locks himself in the bathroom. My mother is in the bedroom but hears all this and she in her turn locks herself in the bedroom.

They wait. And wait. Still the silence goes on.

Slowly my mother opens the bedroom door. Now she is face to face with the thief. She is angry more than afraid and gets a good look at the thief.

He asks her for money, she tells him there is no money in the house and locks the door again.

My stepdad is almost paralyzed with fear not knowing whether my mom, his wife of 30 years and friend of 50 years is even alive.

He got away, this thief, so he is still out there, probably watching someone elses house.

My beloved parents, who are everything to me, now suffer from post traumatic stress. They now have to pick up the pieces of their life and go forward as so many others before them have had to.

I could have lost my mother and father, my children their grandparents, my grandchildren their greatgrand parents. Their friends could have lost their very loyal friends and a community would have been forever changed. Because one thief tried to take what was not his, and had no regard for human life.

I am glad that I have never taken my loved ones for granted. I am glad that I always say "I love you" to them.

I beseech you, never stop showing your love, you never know when it will be the last chance you get.

As for me, I am grateful to God who saw fit to spare them, so that I can continue to say ..... "I love you".

THE WONDER YEARS

As I watch a musical dvd of the era of my teen years of Simon and Garfunkel and Cliffy...swoon,
celebrating their 50 years in show business (where does the time go) I am strolling down memory lane. I am young, my skirts too short and my fringe too long. The world is my oyster, I am at a house party, and parents chaperone. The music blares, we dance, selfconscious, shy. We are discovering boys, first kisses, going steady. All the girls in my class are there, and boys from our brother school. The girls wear hipster bell bottome and boys tight jeans, they flick their long fringes out of their eyes and hold a cigarette in one hand. We all drink soft drink and there are no drugs. The boys inspect the girls and vica versa, as though they had never noticed them before. Talk is of The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Cliff Richard and Elvis. My dad is waiting for me out in the car, reading his newspaper. 11pm is my deadline. He always stays up to collect me. The party ends. We go home. I cannot sleep for reliving every little detail of that magical night.

An era ends.

I finish school with the honeymoon of young love behind me. I am 19 now and working. My fiance picks me up in his beetle vw. He is young and handsome. A Policeman in Rhodesia.

Oh, so much to learn, so much heartache to go through, so much joy as each of our 4 children are born.

I am a grandmother now, and if I want to visit that long ago time, I just pop and dvd into the player and it all washes over me again. It was a very special time, but I would not go back, I prefer to stay in the present to love and enjoy the children and grandchildren the Lords has loaned me.

I dedicate this to Victoria-Leigh who is 11 years old and to Tessni who will be 11 in June. It is your time now, enjoy every moment of it girls, but be wise, pay attention to your mom's, they love you and want only the best for you.

I am very proud of you both.

THE WONDER OF DISCOVERY

BETWEEN US, MOTHER .....

A lot lot has happened between us over the years.
We've shared good times that I'll always remember.
We've shared disappointments that neither of us
could have gotten through without the other.
We've spend time together and time apart.
We've shared moments that only a mother and
child will ever know.
There were times when I thought we couldn't
get any closer.
And there were times when we seemed so far apart.
But somehow it is the times we have shared lately
that have seemed the best to me.
Perhaps we understand each other
better now.
I'm no longer a child anymore,
and I know now why you did
some of the things you did.
Perhaps because we're both
more willing to listen now -
to the way each of us things and feels,
and we take such pleasure in being together.
Perhaps because we've been through
so much together
over the years, we have so much in common,
and we are so much alike, you and I,
that somehow it just seems easier to talk
and to share things as friends.

So many times lately, I've wanted to let you
know how I treasure your love.
I only hope these words can somehow relate
all of the feelings I have inside for you.
The wonderful memories you've given me,
the way I look forward to our future times
together,
the incredible thankfulness I feel,
and the never-ending love I have in my heart
for you.

OF ONE MIND

Growing up in Rhodesia was idyllic. My mother was a stay at home mom to myself and my two younger sisters. My father was in the air force and up to the age of 11 we lived in Gwelo, Thornhill, which was the airforce base and married quarters. I was too young at that time to understand the many fears my mother must have had. My father went to cyprus and aiden to help in their war efforts. He was gone months at a time. My only worry was whether he was going to bring me something nice from those far away lands! Dander was not on my radar and my mother hid her anxiety from us well, always reassuring us, I felt safe and secure, I felt happiness for me always was guaranteed.

It was many years later that I fully understood the huge sacrifice she made for us, and what life must really have been like for her.

I married policeman in the British South Africa Police and with the birth of my first daughter, Shirley Ann {Dawn in the home blogspot}, war broke out. It was my turn to be on my own for long periods of time. I went on to have two more daughters Kerry Lyn {Rivers Of Joy Blogspot} and Lisa Jane {Dust to Beauty blogspot}. They were a year apart. Call up babies I called them. I was both mom and dad to them, learned all the tasks my husband did, and did them as well as he did, tried to hide my anxiety and fears to create a safe world for my baby daughters. I had become my my mother. I got it. I hoped and prayed that I was doing as good a job as my mother had done 15 or so years before me.

Then one day an amazing thing happened. We both cherish the memory or it to this day. We lived in a new suburb where telephone lines had not yet been installed and I urgently needed to contact my mother. I fretted and prayed. Fifteen minutes later my mother arrived carrying a pot of half heated soup. "I thought I would come and have lunch with you" she said. For no reasonable reason she had her food off the stove and brought it to me. I needed her and she knew, she was there. I was speechless, but very very grateful. She was still keeping my world safe! Half cooked food? I dont really know what to thing about what happened that day. We did not need a telephone that was for sure!

My mother shared much of the lives of my children while they were growing up, she reaps the rewards.
We left Rhodesia when Shirley Ann was 7. We also went onto have a son when the girls were half grown. He knew what it was was to have a present father all the time, he did not have to go to school in a landmine vehicle, picnics wernt restricted to the garden. Life for him was good.

Thank you mom for all you have done and all you mean to me and your grandchildren. They too love you very much.

FREE? there is always a price tag

From the time I left Durban to visit my daughter Kerry in middleburg (Rivers of Joy blogspot} My husband Andy fell ill. He had a severe pain in his left side, very severe. We re state patients where the first requirement is PATIENCE. Before proceeding, I want to make it quite clear that despite everything, we are very grateful that there is such a facility as not everyone has medical aid cover and the cost of all things medical could cause even the healthiest person to have tension, anxiety or even heart attacks. Medical aid conspiracy or medical aid scheme?

Andy went to casualty to see a doctor. After going through a screening process, that was to make sure he was REALLY sick, or simply had nothing better to do. She would decide whether he could go on or go home. He was to go on. He collected his file and joined a queue to have his name entered into a book. He was number 247, a long wait was ahead of him. By this time he had one foot in the grave, or so it felt A doctor eventually examined him, gave him tablets and sent him home. As the days went by there was not improvement, so back to casualty he went. The whole process was repeated. This time the tablets were different, however, there was not improvement. Third time around they admitted him to a 48 hour ward and a Doctor was assigned to him. He suffered exhaustion by this time due to lack of sleep (I shared in that bit) but worse still I was becoming less sympathetic and felt very guilty about it. Was I an awful person? He was discharged eventually with bottles of meds, but with the severe pain too.

It seemed impossible, but he had to go back again. This time he saw a surgeon. He did a special sort of xray and .... lo and behold! there it was! a tear in his gall bladder. He is scheduled for a GI which entails swallowing a camera and having the tear burned together from the inside. That took place during the whole month of March. There is only one maching working so he can only have his procedure done at the end of April and has painkillers to take until then. Two months of pain and suffering and me trying very hard to put myself in his place by reminding myself that I may have the sleepless nights but at least I was pain free. I can only thank the Lord for my patience because I could not have done it on my own. It has been a long and wearisome experience and still we wait, but it was all for free .......

Technology- WHAT HAVE MY CHILDREN DONE TO ME I knew I should have stuck to cell phones. But with 4 blogging children, I was always the one in the dark when it came to keeping up with what filled their days. SO whilst visiting Kerry, my second daughter, she took me off to an internet cafe and set it all up for me. Very easy she says, The easy part was her doing all the setting up while I watched, still in the dark. However, I walked out of there feeling ten feet tall, I had entered the world of technology, even if I still onlyunderstool cell phones. I then went on to spend a couple of days with my very clever computer whizz mother. I watched. Then my mom suggests that I "get the feel of the mouse" Well, how hard car that be? The mouse and I clashed immediately, and between us we lost the arrow. With parental help we managed to find the arrow and return it to its rightful place. there were glitches though, it went right when Iintended it to go left and viz a viz. then zooming,moving the picture was something else again. It seemed Iwould need super powers of co-ordination for this task. However, I shall persevere s that I can join the ranks of the bloggers keeping in touch with mybeloved family and broadening myhorizons by meeting others. God bless my family for the encouragement and my ever patient husband Andy who spent four hours at least helping me to find all my blog and e-mail sites. When the children were small I knew more than they did, when they became teens they knew EVERYTHING when they were 20 ish they were amazed at how much I had learned and how smart I had become, but now, alas, it would seem that the tables have turned once again!

Holiday with my precious family

We are spread far and wide, my family and I. I have just spent 1 week with Kerry, my 2nd daughter. Her husband Johannes spends much time travelling as his job demands, spending weeks at a time in Namibia. Kerry works a full day & juggles children. She amazes me. Watching her, I can hardly believe I once did the same thing!
I was introduced to my youngest grandchild Shanni, now 5 months old. and how the others have grown! Tessni now 10 years, was 4 when I last saw her for any length of time, & JP was only 2 & is now 8. My daughter I have missed so, & it has been wonderful to discover who they all are now.
My mother, who has always been there, unconditionally, always loving and forgiving. I praise God for her good health and that she is very alive to live a full and very productive life. She exhausts me! Then ther is Chris, my Step father, who has been like a grandfather to my children. They all see each other fairly often, maintaining that fragile bond that can so often be broken when children grow up and lead their own lives.
In two days time I travel home to Durban and Pray we will not wait so long to see one another again, life is fragile and might choices must be made. My earnest pray is that I make those might choices, so I have no regrets as time goes by.

My first Blog

Hello My Daughters. I am visiting Kerry for a week and she has helped me to create my first Blogspot. Please keep checking to see what I have to say for the day. I love you all