AMAZING & FRUSTRATING - HINDSIGHT & WISDOM

"If I knew then what I know now......."
How many have said that. I have, often.

When I was growing up there were many times I questioned my parents about certain keyplayers in my life whom I did not know and wanted to. I was often shut down. Frustrating.

Many years later I found my own children asking the same things of me, yes, I shut them down or gave them not such glowing character references (which is why they need not worry about them). I did not want them to get too close to anyone who could threaten my relationship with my children in case I should lose a part of them to someone else. I felt very threatened when their father remarried for example.

Then I made a decision. They had a right to question, after all the changes in their lives was not of their doing, and they had a right too to decide how much of themselves they would share. Wisdom.

I did not lose their love or any part of them, I had just lost a lot of time obsessing that I would, and now in hindsight I see my foolishness. Love is not measured, there is always enough to go around, and because new people come into our lives, does not mean that we love the "oldies" any less!

To leave children unanswered questions about their lives, and not being upfront with them leaves them very frustrated.

I didn't get it growing up, but I get it now as history often repeats itself and I now understand why my parents made the decisions they did for my life, I also thank them for it. For now I see that fear, and also there is a little jealously that anyone else may have a part in my childrens affections. I also see how much they must have loved me.

I am working on a project for my grown children and grandchildren at the moment. It is to trace their ancestors, obtainining photos of great great grandparents (did they REALLY) wear clothes like that! Blood lines on both their fathers and my sides of the family. They will see where they fit into the family, these people who would never know their descendants. Since my husbands stroke the project has slowed down a little as I have little time for me.

Now why, I ask myself, is researching ancestors so fascinating to us and why, on the other hand, when myself as a child and my children question parents about the here and now is it sometimes so painful?

The difference is that one group is history, and we live in the present. It is also where all our emotions live too.

So, in hindsight, I wish I had been a Solomon among men. Wisdom is probably the only thing I really wish I had not had to wait so long for.

To think that one day my descendants (and yours) will research us and find us fascinating (and wonder at our clothes too!)

Just do the right thing and answer the questions without bias, you will lose nothing but gain far more than you ever imagined.